I barely made it

Today I lapsed.

In the morning, I woke up with the familiar feeling of dark clouds gathering over my thoughts. Before I knew it, I was chest deep in depression for no apparent reason at all.

I just couldn't fight it this time and succumbed. By mid day, I had a full host of other kinds of ailments. Terrible muscle aches on the left side of my body such that I could barely move my left arm, headaches, fast heart palpitations, the whole works. I tried to leave the house to see a doctor but I couldn't even get past my room. It was a living nightmare.

Needless to say, I went without food and water until the symptoms subsided at around 4pm. I had woken up at 7 am to prepare for work and ended up taking urgent leave.

I also didn't manage to get any slot with ANY doctor within reach.

I did not realise the stress has gotten inside me.I thought that just as long as I reach home by 8ish on most nights, it means I'm switching off and fine but I was less than stellar. Other thoughts started to cloud my head and paranoia at some point took over. When I did slip into a light sleep, I thought I heard footsteps at every corner and the scariest part was...at some point, I couldn't remember where I was and who I was and when it was.

I used to get that when I travel a lot for work but I haven't done so in almost 2 years so that was a real freak occurrence.

Fear says to me that this might repeat itself tomorrow and that I will never be fully rid of it but I am struggling to believe and pray against it. Grace and His strength has come through for me so many times even when I was only toe-deep in faith but He has remained faithful.

Please pray for me if you read this tonight. I still have a lot of pain running from my neck to my left side of my body so this might make sleep somewhat difficult.

I need to recharge for the stressful tenuous weeks ahead.