2007-2011.

That was how long we knew each other.

I didn't realize it was so late but I jumped out of bed after almost falling asleep.

Sleep is elusive tonight because of one person.

At work, I tend to bond very closely to my colleagues and make the best out of any situation. In my previous job, we suffered what many would call "grievances" and went through plenty of impossible timelines and jumped over very unreasonably highly-held bars. We were extra close because as the acerbic cliche goes, "misery needs company".

I have one beautiful colleague, C who was always cheerful and effervescent with laughter. She knew what I liked to eat and always spoiled me with food. I really like her spunk and she used to make me laugh so hard with her terribly lame jokes. I wasn't particularly close to her but whenever we caught up (she worked in one of the territories I had to visit bi-monthly), we always caught up privately to eat seafood, Nandos and just laugh.

The last time I was there, it was after a long hiatus. That night, after work, we were supposed to head for dinner together but she was down with a sore throat. She had been down with tonsillitis for awhile and was not close to recovering. I saw her in the office and told her that she better made a rain-check and rest and I'll catch her for dinner in two months when I return. Little did I know that we would never meet again.

That very night, she ran a high fever and fell unconcious. Her husband called the ambulance who curtly told him that they only tended to accident victims. She was already unconcious and since they live in landed property alone, he had to run to get a neighbour's help to haul her into the car and drive her to the nearest hospital.

She was unconcious for a few days and despite the raging fever, no further checks were done to diagnose and little was said about her prognosis. She was in a normal ward but never woke up.

A few days later, she was declared brain dead.

Those few days were the longest in my life. I prayed night and day for her. I slept little, ate even less and sank into denial, disbelief, anger and depression. She was so young, so full of life and I didn't understand why authorities who were entrusted with the sacredness of human life so callously cheapened it and no official word or diagnosis was given.

Her husband, the biggest casualty of all in my opinion was left to grieve alone. They were so loving, so sweet. On the other hand, I regularly fought with my husband and our marriage was a stark contrast to theirs.

Tonight, as I recount those days after almost two years, I am still overwhelmed and in tears. I miss her and still cannot believe she's gone. I still check her facebook page hoping against hope for updates and to reread statuses, look at photos etc. In the few days before she was officially declared brain dead, I texted her almost incessantly in the hopes that there would be a reply. I kept calling for her to wake up, trying in vain to do a Jesus and wake Lazarus or in more aptly, Tabitha.

I wonder if she knows that this very moment, I am thinking of her and she made an impact long after she left.

I wonder if she's aware that I cannot even mention her name without getting goosebumps and tears. She is named after a semi-precious stone so that really happens just...way too often.

If there is a palpable ache in my chest from the pain of our loss of her in our lives, how much more is her husband grieving? Has he moved on? Will he ever?