i feel so uneasy. like i can't stay still.
even when im physically still my mind issnt and i just either
1) go down memory lane and reminisce, cringe, get all nostalgic or be very horrified
2)evaluate every single situation of my life. past and present.
just the other day i passed by my jc and i can't help but feel...so..i dunno. i dun even noe how to describe that strange feeling. i saw the football field (which is now a lallang field, my old classrooms and all and i cant believe that im past that stage of my life. i know it darzen make sense at all but it feels so yesterday and i cant believe that my life is so so different now. its like i was a different person altogether. maybe i am..and the inability to reconcile many many aspects of the past and present is quite appalling...although it might not be a bad thing. i don't really relish being the me that i used to be.its so much worse than now...and now izznt exactly perfect..
and i've been seeing so many ex jc mates all over singapore. here and there. some whose names i cant even recall even though i saw them everyday. yes that is me. out of sight, out of mind. i really was such a simple blur girl and now..its such a different story. things that used to be such a big deal to me back then and news that were so sensational are just so..passe. they don't even stir up ANYTHING in me today. alot of pple often ask why i just MIA-ed altogether from the scene when it comes to reunions gatherings etc. but i just can't connect anymore because im no longer the person i used to be and its a startling revelation. ive tried to be as inconspicuous as possible at gatherings hoping that i wun have to say too much but when i do, pple box me up in what they used to know me as..and its hard to break out of the mould in their minds and because i can't relate to that old girl anymore.....i just go on and feel out of place...
and as a direct result, i just feel i have lesser and lesser friends as this situation is not exclusive to jc friends. pple that i truly can connect with and share with are few and far between now.
its actually easier to be alone nowadays coz its so tiring to have to explain and update and hope people see your point of view. in fact its very futile and i hope im not the only one who realises it. i truly wanto keep most of the ties that were established but i cant deny that things are so not the same anymore and will never be. as such, i guess the dilution of these ties that once mattered so much is inevitable. i cant even enjoy the activities that i used to enjoy with these friends. nothing. everything evaporated and there's really nothing you can grasp on to no matter how hard you try. its really all just vapour now.
despite that, it darzen mean that these people don't have a place in my heart anymore. i truly still care and love them and am grateful for all the wonderful times shared but...not many people understand that. its easier to dismiss that possibility as the truth of the nature is really quite unique and hard to comprehend.
===================================================================
i still desperately want everything in my life to be perfect and despite realising that this can never be the case as long as i am on earth....is...quite..VERY frustrating. i seriously dunno whats so wrong with me. i dun think i've ever really been this particular and now the slightest thing gets on my nerves. if this is a quarter life crisis, it'd better pass soon. i'm not the most patient saint in the world right now although i hope to reach that point in life like NOWWWWWWW.
right now the only person whom i can really talk to besides the Lord anytime of the day and about anything is my toy elephant. meet xiang xiang. (or pang pang in dialect)shes the only one i know who really will never fall asleep when i whine and cry. and she bears alot of similarities to our Lord Jesus. long suffering in more ways than one. and she has really really big ears (think dumbo)..perfect listener. God must have made her for me. i hope He'll give her a pass to enter heaven too.
thank God its sunday tmr. church is always a good thing to have on any agenda.
evidently, i have nothing now except a void for Jesus to fill. which to Him, is His favourite situation to have.oh well...
"thank you for choosing me to be your child and bear your name...."
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Friday, July 30, 2004
this is quite personal
sometimes we can be so dumb.(ok maybe more often for me..graceeeee graceee)
had a fight in the middle of the night after an awesome sermon. not the wisest thing but we were both so mad with each other.(and he usually keeps his temper quite in check) im the one whos volcanic in nature. it was quite traumatic.
so glad the mini typhoon has ceased and we're happily shalalaing again. phew praise Jesus.
i dunno how relationships truly survive without Jesus. i know mine wouldnt. everyone will just sink to the bottom of the atlantic coz in my personal opinion although this is really hard to admit..i'm really hard to live with. to love.
it may not be easy being me but its even harder being WITH me.
Jesus is essential and quintessential in every happy moment we share and every tiff we have. only He can cause the hardness in my heart to melt, escalate the joy, help me to behold my wonderous blessings and see the big picture beyond the fog when i can't see what's ahead at all.
i cant begin to say how much He really has brought us through and what a journey it has been but yesterday, i saw all over again how He works thru the rough edges, smoothing them down and patching up the broken pieces. i experienced His sweet sweet comfort again and once again, its just me and Him and just with that, i knew everything would be all right.(at least i calmed down which in itself is a miracle)
i am just so grateful that i can afford to run to Him without fear of condemnation when i mess up.big time. that i don't have to ever ever clean up after myself. that rest is always an option...infact its an imperative no matter what the circumstances.
i can't do any patchwork on my own for chicken nuts and ducks and to sandpaper my own rough edges would be excruciating pain... but somehow when he does it, its impeccable and immaculate. maybe because He is our God.
and what a good God He is and has been.
just love it when He says 'be of good cheer'.its insane but amazing. insane to my situation analytical prone brain but makes perfect sense considering what a savior i have who has overcame every situation in my life. ran a check on how many times He said it and its APPALLING!8 times in different contexts. must show you all i cried when i read it.
1)matthew 9:2Then behold, they brought to Him a paralytic lying on a bed. When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, "Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you."
2)matt 9:22 But Jesus turned around, and when He saw her He said, "Be of good cheer, daughter; your faith has made you well." And the woman was made well from that hour.
3)matt 14:27
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."
4)mark 6:50 for they all saw Him and were troubled. But immediately He talked with them and said to them, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."
5)mark 10:49 So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called. Then they called the blind man, saying to him, "Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you."
6)luke 8:48 And He said to her, "Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace."
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
8)acts 23:11But the following night the Lord stood by him and said, "Be of good cheer, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness at Rome."
maybe you pple would like to read each account for urself.
Jesus:master craftsman. prince of peace. savior.MINE!hallehlujah!
other gods require eternal servitude but mine just wants to serve me.=)=)=)
the devil saboed but God sozoed. I WIN!
"be of good cheer for i have overcome the world"
Jesus christ
author of the best selling book in history-the holy bible
had a fight in the middle of the night after an awesome sermon. not the wisest thing but we were both so mad with each other.(and he usually keeps his temper quite in check) im the one whos volcanic in nature. it was quite traumatic.
so glad the mini typhoon has ceased and we're happily shalalaing again. phew praise Jesus.
i dunno how relationships truly survive without Jesus. i know mine wouldnt. everyone will just sink to the bottom of the atlantic coz in my personal opinion although this is really hard to admit..i'm really hard to live with. to love.
it may not be easy being me but its even harder being WITH me.
Jesus is essential and quintessential in every happy moment we share and every tiff we have. only He can cause the hardness in my heart to melt, escalate the joy, help me to behold my wonderous blessings and see the big picture beyond the fog when i can't see what's ahead at all.
i cant begin to say how much He really has brought us through and what a journey it has been but yesterday, i saw all over again how He works thru the rough edges, smoothing them down and patching up the broken pieces. i experienced His sweet sweet comfort again and once again, its just me and Him and just with that, i knew everything would be all right.(at least i calmed down which in itself is a miracle)
i am just so grateful that i can afford to run to Him without fear of condemnation when i mess up.big time. that i don't have to ever ever clean up after myself. that rest is always an option...infact its an imperative no matter what the circumstances.
i can't do any patchwork on my own for chicken nuts and ducks and to sandpaper my own rough edges would be excruciating pain... but somehow when he does it, its impeccable and immaculate. maybe because He is our God.
and what a good God He is and has been.
just love it when He says 'be of good cheer'.its insane but amazing. insane to my situation analytical prone brain but makes perfect sense considering what a savior i have who has overcame every situation in my life. ran a check on how many times He said it and its APPALLING!8 times in different contexts. must show you all i cried when i read it.
1)matthew 9:2Then behold, they brought to Him a paralytic lying on a bed. When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, "Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you."
2)matt 9:22 But Jesus turned around, and when He saw her He said, "Be of good cheer, daughter; your faith has made you well." And the woman was made well from that hour.
3)matt 14:27
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."
4)mark 6:50 for they all saw Him and were troubled. But immediately He talked with them and said to them, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid."
5)mark 10:49 So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called. Then they called the blind man, saying to him, "Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you."
6)luke 8:48 And He said to her, "Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace."
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
8)acts 23:11But the following night the Lord stood by him and said, "Be of good cheer, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness at Rome."
maybe you pple would like to read each account for urself.
Jesus:master craftsman. prince of peace. savior.MINE!hallehlujah!
other gods require eternal servitude but mine just wants to serve me.=)=)=)
the devil saboed but God sozoed. I WIN!
"be of good cheer for i have overcome the world"
Jesus christ
author of the best selling book in history-the holy bible
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
yay!
had yet another frustrating encounter that resulted in me hitting the roof and fuming and fuming and fuming and exploding. i would like to ridicule and go on and be merciless abt how dumb somethings can turn out all because of some people who don't think.
but thank God i did not hv the final say because Jesus was lording over the situation even though i thought that a big problem has just been churned out for me to solve. for me to handle. it came from hell but now its mine to handle and its all XXX's fault.
He's such an awesome savior. he takes care of every detail.
i honestly wanted to have the final say. to condemn to go on being angry to assign blame. but that was not His best way at all. instead He is teaching me to be still and watch Him at work with this problem. its a humbling breaking process all right. i echo these words of steve mcvey..."in the breaking process, God has no intention of helping you get stronger. he wants you to become so weak that he can express himself as the strength you need in every situation"
i think its awesome. its amazing. but its a painful process alright. i don't deny that and many times, when i think i have my hands full on problems already, more come. it never ends and as i try endlessly to put out each fire that the devil starts, another one arises and burns even harder. it drives me to despair and anger. in these moments, i am so incensed with the whole world. even God. why is no one lifting a finger to help and making everything worse for me.
yet He is still there smiling.coz He knows i'm almost there. at the point where HE can have full reign in my life. do as He wishes with me acknowledging that my efforts ALL COME to nought and that only He can clear up the mess i so detest. ONLY him alone.
i really am almost there. today's incident propelled me even further in that direction. its not my care not my problem but His. i am His responsibility anyway and the devil cannot steer me in the direction of self sufficiency anymore. there is a reason i am not God. and thats that.
i am simply very self deficient.
my inward man is seeing signs of release and that is reason to rejoice!
"guilty vile and helpless we...spotless lamb of God was he. full atonement can it be? hallehlujah! what a savior!"
but thank God i did not hv the final say because Jesus was lording over the situation even though i thought that a big problem has just been churned out for me to solve. for me to handle. it came from hell but now its mine to handle and its all XXX's fault.
He's such an awesome savior. he takes care of every detail.
i honestly wanted to have the final say. to condemn to go on being angry to assign blame. but that was not His best way at all. instead He is teaching me to be still and watch Him at work with this problem. its a humbling breaking process all right. i echo these words of steve mcvey..."in the breaking process, God has no intention of helping you get stronger. he wants you to become so weak that he can express himself as the strength you need in every situation"
i think its awesome. its amazing. but its a painful process alright. i don't deny that and many times, when i think i have my hands full on problems already, more come. it never ends and as i try endlessly to put out each fire that the devil starts, another one arises and burns even harder. it drives me to despair and anger. in these moments, i am so incensed with the whole world. even God. why is no one lifting a finger to help and making everything worse for me.
yet He is still there smiling.coz He knows i'm almost there. at the point where HE can have full reign in my life. do as He wishes with me acknowledging that my efforts ALL COME to nought and that only He can clear up the mess i so detest. ONLY him alone.
i really am almost there. today's incident propelled me even further in that direction. its not my care not my problem but His. i am His responsibility anyway and the devil cannot steer me in the direction of self sufficiency anymore. there is a reason i am not God. and thats that.
i am simply very self deficient.
my inward man is seeing signs of release and that is reason to rejoice!
"guilty vile and helpless we...spotless lamb of God was he. full atonement can it be? hallehlujah! what a savior!"
Monday, July 26, 2004
21
its overhyped.
i barely feel the difference. but i honestly think it was the best bdae i ever had. despite not feeling much except sweet sweet peace.
was so touched by the love of God..and i knew He made a special b'dae dedication for me coz sunday's sermon addressed what i was facing directly and they even sang THE song i've been so in love with in the past week. He is so real and so involved in my life.
this alone is enough for me.no need for any celebration or the whole world to remember or big fanciful expensive presents. now the presents i do desire are priceless and money can't buy them. all the material things i want, i know they'll come sooner or later somehow..somehow they find their way to me..thanks to Jesus..and its not always because i can afford them. but now the things i truly want desperately, apparently the bible says i already possess them and they are so mine already. but i need them to truly manifest. and this would be the best birthday present seriously.
i know God is so involved in preparing for this special day that He chose for me to arrive on earth. He even got a dear friend to prepare a present some time back in UK and it was exactly what i wanted. even the card. i know for sure God picked the present. and it just melts my heart to know that it was prepared so much earlier even when i was wallowing in misery because of a prior crisis. He does love me so so much. i am in awe.
so now im officially an adult. and im one year closer to everything that i've been waiting for. praise the Lord. He has brought me a long way and everything i had to go through to reach this blessed point in my life and the future milestones and peaks He will bring me to is worth it. i know it is. i know He is with me and nothing at all escapes his eyes. most of all, i'm so precious to him. it just thrills my heart so much as i watch more of Him unravel before my eyes.
1000 times more in the year i enter adulthood. how cool is that....
thank you Jesus.
and thanks to all of you whose friendships have withstood the test of time and changes. and whom Jesus has faithfully maintained...been so blessed by you all.
"you raise me up so i can stand on mountains, you raise me up, to walk on stormy seas. i am strong, when i am on your shoulders, you raise me up...to more than i can be"
i barely feel the difference. but i honestly think it was the best bdae i ever had. despite not feeling much except sweet sweet peace.
was so touched by the love of God..and i knew He made a special b'dae dedication for me coz sunday's sermon addressed what i was facing directly and they even sang THE song i've been so in love with in the past week. He is so real and so involved in my life.
this alone is enough for me.no need for any celebration or the whole world to remember or big fanciful expensive presents. now the presents i do desire are priceless and money can't buy them. all the material things i want, i know they'll come sooner or later somehow..somehow they find their way to me..thanks to Jesus..and its not always because i can afford them. but now the things i truly want desperately, apparently the bible says i already possess them and they are so mine already. but i need them to truly manifest. and this would be the best birthday present seriously.
i know God is so involved in preparing for this special day that He chose for me to arrive on earth. He even got a dear friend to prepare a present some time back in UK and it was exactly what i wanted. even the card. i know for sure God picked the present. and it just melts my heart to know that it was prepared so much earlier even when i was wallowing in misery because of a prior crisis. He does love me so so much. i am in awe.
so now im officially an adult. and im one year closer to everything that i've been waiting for. praise the Lord. He has brought me a long way and everything i had to go through to reach this blessed point in my life and the future milestones and peaks He will bring me to is worth it. i know it is. i know He is with me and nothing at all escapes his eyes. most of all, i'm so precious to him. it just thrills my heart so much as i watch more of Him unravel before my eyes.
1000 times more in the year i enter adulthood. how cool is that....
thank you Jesus.
and thanks to all of you whose friendships have withstood the test of time and changes. and whom Jesus has faithfully maintained...been so blessed by you all.
"you raise me up so i can stand on mountains, you raise me up, to walk on stormy seas. i am strong, when i am on your shoulders, you raise me up...to more than i can be"
Friday, July 23, 2004
aiyoh!
i din conclude my working stint on a very nice note.
first and foremost, i still have a lot of uncompleted work...but work is always uncompleted and nv ending so thats nothing new.my poor boss, she was so nice abt the crises today and so understanding and so patient. thank you Jesus for this beautiful wonderful generous boss with a heart filled with Jesus. the good lord bless her. grace grace.
1a) make me a better employee
2nd, i lost my phone. or rather it got stolen. to be honest, i was incensed, ballistic and i cursed the thief to hell and back to earth again so that i can give him a dose of my version of hell which i deemed to be much worse. but alas, praise God, got the phone replaced real fast but..the sim card is still takin its time to be activated. not the best scenario on earth and i was close to tears..its not so much of the phone but the msgs, the info, the numbers, the photos...ok i shall not continue.
but somehow by some miracle or the other...i managed to find myself in BS somehow. teleported or whatever, i believe i was there even though i din feel like i wanted to because God had something to tell me and He did alright.
i concede defeat. HE is too good for me to comprehend. i was really angry at the whole world when i found my fone stolen and honestly, its the first time i've lost it and its extremely traumatic for me. but at BS, my dear father reiterated time and again that if i bear the loss (ie forgive the thief), He'll bring even more blessings from the backdoor for me. honestly, on a sidenote, i don't believe for a moment its limited to backdoor lah.
despite hearing that, i wazznt altogether comforted coz its not the stupid fone that mattered but but..well i was eager to hear what else He has to say..at least i know Hez addressing my problem yah.but as the sermon went on, no direct mention was made abt that but yet surprisingly, i felt an awesome sense of peace. its real nice to know that of all the things the devil can steal that can mean so much more and cost so much more, he only cld steal this phone. although the msgs ie are gone, its nothing God cannot take care of. besides Hez been my secretary for the longest time and He charts every moment of my life so tadah.
as for the msgs, well...it'll be real nice to be able to look at them and reminisce and get all nostalgic and warm and fuzzy inside but...at least i have the genuine stuff that no man/devil can steal and nothing can corode. its still all in my heart. and i still have the senders of those msgs that mean so much in my life so ...can trust God for more.
praise God. nothing leaves His eye unnoticed. its a dangerous thing to mess with a child of the most high God. God help that person who was driven to such desperate means and foolishness to lay hands on my humble purple nokia and call it his own. but as a result for this extreme act of foolishness and the devils careful orchestrating, he'll receive more grace and may the goodness of the Lord lead Him to repentance. hallehlujah! and when i see him in heaven, he can err....yay!(ok i needed to end this sentence abruptly coz i think heaven dun need fones so i dun need him to return me anything there.)
so yah aniwae i'm ok already (and quite happy somemore!)so praise the Lord coz i was a real ballistic mess just now and i thought my heart would beat so fast and stop beating and tong tong chang.full stop.
so if u're reading this and you knew that you were in my phonebook somehow and i've made a call to you at least once in YOUR life, pls sms me your number when my sim card is activated so that my phonebook does not look too pathetic coz currently it looks like my friends are called 'big sweep, singtel help, icc-australia, icc-china'
first and foremost, i still have a lot of uncompleted work...but work is always uncompleted and nv ending so thats nothing new.my poor boss, she was so nice abt the crises today and so understanding and so patient. thank you Jesus for this beautiful wonderful generous boss with a heart filled with Jesus. the good lord bless her. grace grace.
1a) make me a better employee
2nd, i lost my phone. or rather it got stolen. to be honest, i was incensed, ballistic and i cursed the thief to hell and back to earth again so that i can give him a dose of my version of hell which i deemed to be much worse. but alas, praise God, got the phone replaced real fast but..the sim card is still takin its time to be activated. not the best scenario on earth and i was close to tears..its not so much of the phone but the msgs, the info, the numbers, the photos...ok i shall not continue.
but somehow by some miracle or the other...i managed to find myself in BS somehow. teleported or whatever, i believe i was there even though i din feel like i wanted to because God had something to tell me and He did alright.
i concede defeat. HE is too good for me to comprehend. i was really angry at the whole world when i found my fone stolen and honestly, its the first time i've lost it and its extremely traumatic for me. but at BS, my dear father reiterated time and again that if i bear the loss (ie forgive the thief), He'll bring even more blessings from the backdoor for me. honestly, on a sidenote, i don't believe for a moment its limited to backdoor lah.
despite hearing that, i wazznt altogether comforted coz its not the stupid fone that mattered but but..well i was eager to hear what else He has to say..at least i know Hez addressing my problem yah.but as the sermon went on, no direct mention was made abt that but yet surprisingly, i felt an awesome sense of peace. its real nice to know that of all the things the devil can steal that can mean so much more and cost so much more, he only cld steal this phone. although the msgs ie are gone, its nothing God cannot take care of. besides Hez been my secretary for the longest time and He charts every moment of my life so tadah.
as for the msgs, well...it'll be real nice to be able to look at them and reminisce and get all nostalgic and warm and fuzzy inside but...at least i have the genuine stuff that no man/devil can steal and nothing can corode. its still all in my heart. and i still have the senders of those msgs that mean so much in my life so ...can trust God for more.
praise God. nothing leaves His eye unnoticed. its a dangerous thing to mess with a child of the most high God. God help that person who was driven to such desperate means and foolishness to lay hands on my humble purple nokia and call it his own. but as a result for this extreme act of foolishness and the devils careful orchestrating, he'll receive more grace and may the goodness of the Lord lead Him to repentance. hallehlujah! and when i see him in heaven, he can err....yay!(ok i needed to end this sentence abruptly coz i think heaven dun need fones so i dun need him to return me anything there.)
so yah aniwae i'm ok already (and quite happy somemore!)so praise the Lord coz i was a real ballistic mess just now and i thought my heart would beat so fast and stop beating and tong tong chang.full stop.
so if u're reading this and you knew that you were in my phonebook somehow and i've made a call to you at least once in YOUR life, pls sms me your number when my sim card is activated so that my phonebook does not look too pathetic coz currently it looks like my friends are called 'big sweep, singtel help, icc-australia, icc-china'
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
ONLY by His resurrection power i am alive
don't despise me veterans. i am learning...
"you just need to realign and embrace grace again"
these words resound deeply in my spirit. i believe this is God's word for me. it sounds so simple. but its hard for a stubborn mule (which i've become) from changing in a split second. but i've resolved to rest.
heehaw.
rest is not exactly the first thing on my agenda just earlier on. i can go on..dead or alive..zombie or not..i just go on. neither am i resting in Him spiritually. toil and worry..now its taking its toll on me. and i hafta start from scratch.
its scary how easy it is to fall into works and put urself under law(in this case..my own laws ..which are crap)
purge every trace of law and works from me father..
truly grace can only be grace if it is not of works. i echo paul in this and this is slowly becoming a strong and personal revelation in me. i just hope i get it fast.
don't understand why i try to be my own God time and again. maybe because im so sick and tired of people trying to lord over my life...givin me laws aplenty. then i fall into the same trap and do it to myself. irony.
i really really cannot live this life. im not living at all. -jesus, you gotta take over and clear up the mess and debris that i hv once again prepared for you and live my life for me, thru me.-
"as i look back on what i thought was living, i'm amazed at the price i choose to pay. and to think i ignored what really mattered..cause i thought the sacrifice would be too great. but then when i finally reached the point of giving in, i found the cross was calling even then..and even though it took dying to survive, i've nv felt so much alive"-philip craig and dean. crucified with Christ.
"do not fret, it only casuses harm" -psalms 37
"you just need to realign and embrace grace again"
these words resound deeply in my spirit. i believe this is God's word for me. it sounds so simple. but its hard for a stubborn mule (which i've become) from changing in a split second. but i've resolved to rest.
heehaw.
rest is not exactly the first thing on my agenda just earlier on. i can go on..dead or alive..zombie or not..i just go on. neither am i resting in Him spiritually. toil and worry..now its taking its toll on me. and i hafta start from scratch.
its scary how easy it is to fall into works and put urself under law(in this case..my own laws ..which are crap)
purge every trace of law and works from me father..
truly grace can only be grace if it is not of works. i echo paul in this and this is slowly becoming a strong and personal revelation in me. i just hope i get it fast.
don't understand why i try to be my own God time and again. maybe because im so sick and tired of people trying to lord over my life...givin me laws aplenty. then i fall into the same trap and do it to myself. irony.
i really really cannot live this life. im not living at all. -jesus, you gotta take over and clear up the mess and debris that i hv once again prepared for you and live my life for me, thru me.-
"as i look back on what i thought was living, i'm amazed at the price i choose to pay. and to think i ignored what really mattered..cause i thought the sacrifice would be too great. but then when i finally reached the point of giving in, i found the cross was calling even then..and even though it took dying to survive, i've nv felt so much alive"-philip craig and dean. crucified with Christ.
"do not fret, it only casuses harm" -psalms 37
Sunday, July 18, 2004
....
-i know the truth. so why do i still listen to lies?-
i know i am rich and i have everything in christ and Jesus' payment on the cross qualifies that i get to enjoy all things..health wealth blah blah and blah. but somehow, i struggle between living the truth and succumbing to what my 5 senses tell me. its really not easy...
but praise God for the boyfriend who so ever patiently points me back to the truth. thank God he darzen try to drill( well..not often) it into me but allow God to take His own time to give me a personal revelation and recently i must say, i honestly can't help but feel rich even when my bank account indicates otherwise. but then again..serreeeyerrsly..who is my bank acct to God to even say anything at all abt my life. pui.
all i know is that in the last mths, weeks...i have really really fallen...from grace. i forgot how small my part in the scheme of things is and magnify my role. as though im indispensable. as though my job is my source. as though i can't rest because God is resting. that can't be further from the truth. this journey to rediscover grace is really hard to swallow. its so humbling and it really works my tear ducts out. its true..in the words of isaac quek, God is really 'gooder' than you can ever think He is...
this is oso from isaac...He is on my sampan and we're cruising down the river. if only i stop trying to be funny to row the boat myself instead and let him...HEz the motor behind every heavenly inspired desire afterall.-it is Him who works in us to will and to do for His good pleasure-but alas!i decide to jump ship somehow and kalao into the river..but even then, there is still a round float around me attached to the boat and i am still being dragged along. yet, oblivious to the help extended, i swim with all my might..trying to catch up with the boat.
i hope this illustration is clear enuff. i am finally seeing the futility of all that i have been doing and how foolishly i've been behaving. its awful.
not goin to let Christ be of no effect. its a finished work. no room for me to complete and do touch-ups at all.
phew.
"your gift of love, i crucified, i laughed and scorned him as he died...the humble king i named a fraud, and sacrificed the lamb of God...
i was so lost i shd have died, but u have brought em to your side. to be led by your staff and rod, and to be called the lamb of God."
i know i am rich and i have everything in christ and Jesus' payment on the cross qualifies that i get to enjoy all things..health wealth blah blah and blah. but somehow, i struggle between living the truth and succumbing to what my 5 senses tell me. its really not easy...
but praise God for the boyfriend who so ever patiently points me back to the truth. thank God he darzen try to drill( well..not often) it into me but allow God to take His own time to give me a personal revelation and recently i must say, i honestly can't help but feel rich even when my bank account indicates otherwise. but then again..serreeeyerrsly..who is my bank acct to God to even say anything at all abt my life. pui.
all i know is that in the last mths, weeks...i have really really fallen...from grace. i forgot how small my part in the scheme of things is and magnify my role. as though im indispensable. as though my job is my source. as though i can't rest because God is resting. that can't be further from the truth. this journey to rediscover grace is really hard to swallow. its so humbling and it really works my tear ducts out. its true..in the words of isaac quek, God is really 'gooder' than you can ever think He is...
this is oso from isaac...He is on my sampan and we're cruising down the river. if only i stop trying to be funny to row the boat myself instead and let him...HEz the motor behind every heavenly inspired desire afterall.-it is Him who works in us to will and to do for His good pleasure-but alas!i decide to jump ship somehow and kalao into the river..but even then, there is still a round float around me attached to the boat and i am still being dragged along. yet, oblivious to the help extended, i swim with all my might..trying to catch up with the boat.
i hope this illustration is clear enuff. i am finally seeing the futility of all that i have been doing and how foolishly i've been behaving. its awful.
not goin to let Christ be of no effect. its a finished work. no room for me to complete and do touch-ups at all.
phew.
"your gift of love, i crucified, i laughed and scorned him as he died...the humble king i named a fraud, and sacrificed the lamb of God...
i was so lost i shd have died, but u have brought em to your side. to be led by your staff and rod, and to be called the lamb of God."
Saturday, July 17, 2004
mee rei doh re me me me little lamb little lamb..marry had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow...
this is disgusting to admit but sometimes (ok most of the time) i behave and think like i need everything in the world that concerns me (including my hair) to fall into place and turn out the way i want them to before i can be happy. these are MUST HAVES...prerequisites to warrant a smile from me.otherwise...i'll just be the incredible sulk.
but come to think of it, when you..ok i learn to compromise abit here and there...its not that bad afterall!to be able to be in a position to sacrifice abit of conveniences and time here and there for people you love dearly brings great joy as well..AND it is truly a great privilege. my joy is not contingent on circumstances...which are like shifting sand..which are..frustrating..more often than not...
it would really be extremely tiring and excruciatingly painful if i just hafta upset myself because of the trivialest of all when i can forsake that frustration coz its borne for me at the cross and enjoy every minute to the fullest. its just not very worth it. dunno if im understood but ...yah lah.today i dunno how to string a proper sentence together.with every late bus, every rude singaporean that crosses my path, every...u get the idea.its just not worth it.especialy now that im turning 21 and i officially have 99 more years to truly live life coz im gg to live till 120 if jesus tarries.i better learn fast and live life ...the life He left for me.
alamak. it says life and life more abundantly somemore. i must be missing something.
i mean seriously...Jesus left His joy for me and i go around life like..like some sour plum baptised not in the holy spirit but lemonade(nv understood why pastor prince says tom yum juice..i mean seriously..i thot its soup and not juice..but thats a side point).not very worth it i would say. he endured the cross and took all my sorrows(isaiah 53..FIRST line somemore) and i pout and whine and lament and cross my arms and squeal...because.....
i am such a brat.a spoilt brat.who is really JUST rediscovering grace.
selah.(david also says this after he rants and raves and complain )
but come to think of it, when you..ok i learn to compromise abit here and there...its not that bad afterall!to be able to be in a position to sacrifice abit of conveniences and time here and there for people you love dearly brings great joy as well..AND it is truly a great privilege. my joy is not contingent on circumstances...which are like shifting sand..which are..frustrating..more often than not...
it would really be extremely tiring and excruciatingly painful if i just hafta upset myself because of the trivialest of all when i can forsake that frustration coz its borne for me at the cross and enjoy every minute to the fullest. its just not very worth it. dunno if im understood but ...yah lah.today i dunno how to string a proper sentence together.with every late bus, every rude singaporean that crosses my path, every...u get the idea.its just not worth it.especialy now that im turning 21 and i officially have 99 more years to truly live life coz im gg to live till 120 if jesus tarries.i better learn fast and live life ...the life He left for me.
alamak. it says life and life more abundantly somemore. i must be missing something.
i mean seriously...Jesus left His joy for me and i go around life like..like some sour plum baptised not in the holy spirit but lemonade(nv understood why pastor prince says tom yum juice..i mean seriously..i thot its soup and not juice..but thats a side point).not very worth it i would say. he endured the cross and took all my sorrows(isaiah 53..FIRST line somemore) and i pout and whine and lament and cross my arms and squeal...because.....
i am such a brat.a spoilt brat.who is really JUST rediscovering grace.
selah.(david also says this after he rants and raves and complain )
Friday, July 16, 2004
multi purpose
nowadays we have multi purpose EVERYTHING. including me. yes...ME
i can't even start talking about today. ok i can...let me try.
apart from arriving at work totally drenched, i had to learn one horrible truth after another. first the press releases are late for the press and i had to go beg each magazine in spore to pls feature us when some of them already closed their sept issue. for those who don't understand, don't bother. we are just lacking in publicity big time and a part of it is my fault but its ok imsure with or without publicity, God will maintain and even improve sales figures for me.just for me.
yay
then came the clincher. i had to go down the counter ...to cover a shift on wed!alll by myself!ok with Jesus but i had to learn how to open the counter etc etc etc, all the cumbersome procedures in like...1 hr.and where the stocks are..and the prices..and..yah. u get the idea.if i get thru the 21st of july, its grace. big time.
after my session at the counter, all is not done. i have to rush back to the office BECAUSE our training sessions need a model and becaues we have no time no money to hire one...the smartest thing to do is get the cheapest, preferably free of charge, preferably one that is ALREADY getting a salary and of coz..its me lor..
this company really darzen waste the slightest bit on human resources..i take my hat off them in this aspect. im extremely impressed by their resourcefulness.
but praise God, iknow it'll be ALL HIM coz on my own, i'll just..quit. i believe each one is an opportunity..and God simply wants to use me to bless my boss. and it will be because of that that all the hard work and long hrs will be worth it coz the pay is...p-e-a-n-u-t-s
it'll be good. His favour is on me. His hand is on me. He lives inside me. It'll be so good. He'll teach me everything and be there to help me out.
watch out for the thursday entry.im sure it'll be good.
i can't even start talking about today. ok i can...let me try.
apart from arriving at work totally drenched, i had to learn one horrible truth after another. first the press releases are late for the press and i had to go beg each magazine in spore to pls feature us when some of them already closed their sept issue. for those who don't understand, don't bother. we are just lacking in publicity big time and a part of it is my fault but its ok imsure with or without publicity, God will maintain and even improve sales figures for me.just for me.
yay
then came the clincher. i had to go down the counter ...to cover a shift on wed!alll by myself!ok with Jesus but i had to learn how to open the counter etc etc etc, all the cumbersome procedures in like...1 hr.and where the stocks are..and the prices..and..yah. u get the idea.if i get thru the 21st of july, its grace. big time.
after my session at the counter, all is not done. i have to rush back to the office BECAUSE our training sessions need a model and becaues we have no time no money to hire one...the smartest thing to do is get the cheapest, preferably free of charge, preferably one that is ALREADY getting a salary and of coz..its me lor..
this company really darzen waste the slightest bit on human resources..i take my hat off them in this aspect. im extremely impressed by their resourcefulness.
but praise God, iknow it'll be ALL HIM coz on my own, i'll just..quit. i believe each one is an opportunity..and God simply wants to use me to bless my boss. and it will be because of that that all the hard work and long hrs will be worth it coz the pay is...p-e-a-n-u-t-s
it'll be good. His favour is on me. His hand is on me. He lives inside me. It'll be so good. He'll teach me everything and be there to help me out.
watch out for the thursday entry.im sure it'll be good.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
doi-ng
my boss came back today. with 3 hrs of sleep and a very bad jet lag. on my side, this day marks the last day of me being surrogate boss for everyone else under her.
all i can say is that its been an enriching 2 weeks. it hazznt been easy but the people management part is worse. God really helped me big time. His favour shield is the only defense. i would understand, no one whos experienced and been in this line for like..forever would like taking instructions from a barely 21 year old undergrad whos had ZERO experience.
my office stint is finally coming to a close.(temporarily) will prob apply for something after a graduate (nxt may!hallehlujah!) but gotta see where the Lord leads about that one. will start doing sales nxt mth and God is really opening up alot of opportunities for me. asked to be put at the counter with the LOWEST EVER sales so that i can see God's favour and hand on my life manifest. whee!
sch is starting soon.turning 21 soon. i think im finally at rest.either that or its my refusal to even meditate abt circumstances, people etc.
come to think of it, i dun even meditate, i just...wonder.im sick of vascillating between defensive/offensive mode. its God's job. my job is just to keep my heart in trouble free mode and enjoy the blessings and the blessor and leave Him alone to do His job.
sometimes the job scope is blurred and i transgress boundaries.help..when will i learn..grr.
i just suck at being a surrogate God.
"i tried to know, every mystery, soon realized, no it was too much for me. "
"walk with me quiet, walk with me slow, with watered down coffee and words of gold. i can feel he edges of these thigns when i hear you speak to me , so walk with me."
all i can say is that its been an enriching 2 weeks. it hazznt been easy but the people management part is worse. God really helped me big time. His favour shield is the only defense. i would understand, no one whos experienced and been in this line for like..forever would like taking instructions from a barely 21 year old undergrad whos had ZERO experience.
my office stint is finally coming to a close.(temporarily) will prob apply for something after a graduate (nxt may!hallehlujah!) but gotta see where the Lord leads about that one. will start doing sales nxt mth and God is really opening up alot of opportunities for me. asked to be put at the counter with the LOWEST EVER sales so that i can see God's favour and hand on my life manifest. whee!
sch is starting soon.turning 21 soon. i think im finally at rest.either that or its my refusal to even meditate abt circumstances, people etc.
come to think of it, i dun even meditate, i just...wonder.im sick of vascillating between defensive/offensive mode. its God's job. my job is just to keep my heart in trouble free mode and enjoy the blessings and the blessor and leave Him alone to do His job.
sometimes the job scope is blurred and i transgress boundaries.help..when will i learn..grr.
i just suck at being a surrogate God.
"i tried to know, every mystery, soon realized, no it was too much for me. "
"walk with me quiet, walk with me slow, with watered down coffee and words of gold. i can feel he edges of these thigns when i hear you speak to me , so walk with me."
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
"more to this life"
"Today I watched in silence as people passed me by,
And I strained to see if there was something hidden in their eyes;
But they all looked at me as if to say
Life just goes on.
The old familiar story told in different ways,
Make the most of your own journey from the cradle to the grave;
Dream your dreams tomorrow because today
Life must go on.
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be.
He takes care of his family, he takes care of his work,
And every Sunday morning he takes his place at the church;
And somehow he still feels a need to search,
But life just goes on.
Tonight he lies in silence staring into space,
And looks for ways to make tomorrow better than today,
But in the morning light it looks the same;
Life just goes on.
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be.
So where do we start to find every part
Of what makes this life complete;
If we turn our eyes to Jesus we’ll find
Life’s true beginning is there at the cross where He died.
He died to bring us . . .
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be."
-apparently clay aiken did a cover for this song. can't wait to hear that version.-
thats about all for today.
shalom
awaiting restoration...7 fold pending
And I strained to see if there was something hidden in their eyes;
But they all looked at me as if to say
Life just goes on.
The old familiar story told in different ways,
Make the most of your own journey from the cradle to the grave;
Dream your dreams tomorrow because today
Life must go on.
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be.
He takes care of his family, he takes care of his work,
And every Sunday morning he takes his place at the church;
And somehow he still feels a need to search,
But life just goes on.
Tonight he lies in silence staring into space,
And looks for ways to make tomorrow better than today,
But in the morning light it looks the same;
Life just goes on.
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be.
So where do we start to find every part
Of what makes this life complete;
If we turn our eyes to Jesus we’ll find
Life’s true beginning is there at the cross where He died.
He died to bring us . . .
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be."
-apparently clay aiken did a cover for this song. can't wait to hear that version.-
thats about all for today.
shalom
awaiting restoration...7 fold pending
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
listener
i need a listener. a good one.
was just scrambling around today trying to get this done and that settled and various problems fixed..at the workplace. only left me dishevelled and very much nothing else but a tired mess.
not fun.
at the end of today all i wanted and craved was for someone to listen to me, someone i cld pour out my woes to, to be able to expect comfort.
even a knowing nod or a gentle pat on the shoulder would suffice.(even if its imagined and its over the phone)
yet, now im sitting infront of my laptop typing, venting at God-knows-who bothers to read. and i've found one to listen and whofits the above description and so much more.
not my boyfriend. but Him.
yes, its Him alright again. why do i still go on looking when HEz right there following me around, witnessing the unnecessary duress and troubles i allow into my heart. my small heart.
He watched, and said nothing. occasionally, gently trying to remind me to slow down, that its ok. no crisis too big He can't handle and He has everything under control. but no, this is MY JOB.forgot that Hez my God.
He loves me so much. and at the end of the day, even when i'm tired and spent and i can barely utter a word to HIm, Hez right there all ready to listen, all ready for me to pour out and unload my trash unto.
there it is, someone waiting for me to come home. i look no further but within. found where i belong, my resting place. where my eternal shalom lies will be where i follow.
"and i am looking for the well that won't run dry, the rest that weary thoughts cannot deny. when you wrap your arms around me, i can way away, face the emptiest day"-caedmon's call.
was just scrambling around today trying to get this done and that settled and various problems fixed..at the workplace. only left me dishevelled and very much nothing else but a tired mess.
not fun.
at the end of today all i wanted and craved was for someone to listen to me, someone i cld pour out my woes to, to be able to expect comfort.
even a knowing nod or a gentle pat on the shoulder would suffice.(even if its imagined and its over the phone)
yet, now im sitting infront of my laptop typing, venting at God-knows-who bothers to read. and i've found one to listen and whofits the above description and so much more.
not my boyfriend. but Him.
yes, its Him alright again. why do i still go on looking when HEz right there following me around, witnessing the unnecessary duress and troubles i allow into my heart. my small heart.
He watched, and said nothing. occasionally, gently trying to remind me to slow down, that its ok. no crisis too big He can't handle and He has everything under control. but no, this is MY JOB.forgot that Hez my God.
He loves me so much. and at the end of the day, even when i'm tired and spent and i can barely utter a word to HIm, Hez right there all ready to listen, all ready for me to pour out and unload my trash unto.
there it is, someone waiting for me to come home. i look no further but within. found where i belong, my resting place. where my eternal shalom lies will be where i follow.
"and i am looking for the well that won't run dry, the rest that weary thoughts cannot deny. when you wrap your arms around me, i can way away, face the emptiest day"-caedmon's call.
Monday, July 12, 2004
the great shalom
freedom to think.
thats a treasure not many people enjoy and it is so elusive. many are bound by the nature of circumstances and verdicts from man. be it doctors giving a bad report, or CNN, the list is inexhaustible. worry sinks in at the mention of bad news, at the onset of an unfavourable circumstance. especially whereby you know you aren't so special that you can be spared.before one realises, the heart is confounded, troubled. bondange.
i am spared.i am free to think. for someone paid the price for my freedom. at the cross that i may be immune the bad i deserve and qualify for the good i do not deserve.
very recently, certain events threatened to rock my world. (which seems to be extremely ironic as my life is held fast by the rock of all ages) my thoughts were disarrayed and for yet another rare moment in my life, i knew nothing but fear as the uncertainty of the outcome that i desired looms. i know nothing about faith there and then and trust me, it was impossible any good will come out of my situation, judging from the circumstances.
lost.
but this i do know now, and hold fast.(thanks to the prayers of many saints) is that...circumstances are volatile. Jesus issnt. no matter how the oceans rise and thunders roar and how fierce and violent the storms of life are, that threaten to sink my humble little sampan, because HE the God of peace is on my vessel, i am not sinking.
now, i refuse to assess my situation as the storm has not shown much signs of abating.i just wanto enjoy the ride on the inside with the one who's on board-sit at His feet, and focus on the one thing that is not rocking along with the storm and abide in that peace.
this is not an easy feat though. its only too easy to follow my five senses and be tossed about in the tempest. but i cannot afford that now. i'll be forfeiting too much.
i intend to appropriate and partake EVERY blessing that was left at the cross for me. as a result of someone who loves me paying a price i couldnt pay, taking my place as a sinner that i may be declared righteous before God and man. that's alot to forfeit for focusing on a storm that will eventually blow over.
not letting the word of God in my life be held hostage by changing circumstances.
no, i've had enough.
my enemy is defeated and i am a victor, an overcomer. this is the last straw and i'm not staying on the ground. i am picking myself up, by HIS grace and strength, to enforce the defeat that happened 2000 years ago on calvary in his life.
because i won.
"peace, be still"
-Jesus Christ
Messiah, Son of the living God.
the winner.
thats a treasure not many people enjoy and it is so elusive. many are bound by the nature of circumstances and verdicts from man. be it doctors giving a bad report, or CNN, the list is inexhaustible. worry sinks in at the mention of bad news, at the onset of an unfavourable circumstance. especially whereby you know you aren't so special that you can be spared.before one realises, the heart is confounded, troubled. bondange.
i am spared.i am free to think. for someone paid the price for my freedom. at the cross that i may be immune the bad i deserve and qualify for the good i do not deserve.
very recently, certain events threatened to rock my world. (which seems to be extremely ironic as my life is held fast by the rock of all ages) my thoughts were disarrayed and for yet another rare moment in my life, i knew nothing but fear as the uncertainty of the outcome that i desired looms. i know nothing about faith there and then and trust me, it was impossible any good will come out of my situation, judging from the circumstances.
lost.
but this i do know now, and hold fast.(thanks to the prayers of many saints) is that...circumstances are volatile. Jesus issnt. no matter how the oceans rise and thunders roar and how fierce and violent the storms of life are, that threaten to sink my humble little sampan, because HE the God of peace is on my vessel, i am not sinking.
now, i refuse to assess my situation as the storm has not shown much signs of abating.i just wanto enjoy the ride on the inside with the one who's on board-sit at His feet, and focus on the one thing that is not rocking along with the storm and abide in that peace.
this is not an easy feat though. its only too easy to follow my five senses and be tossed about in the tempest. but i cannot afford that now. i'll be forfeiting too much.
i intend to appropriate and partake EVERY blessing that was left at the cross for me. as a result of someone who loves me paying a price i couldnt pay, taking my place as a sinner that i may be declared righteous before God and man. that's alot to forfeit for focusing on a storm that will eventually blow over.
not letting the word of God in my life be held hostage by changing circumstances.
no, i've had enough.
my enemy is defeated and i am a victor, an overcomer. this is the last straw and i'm not staying on the ground. i am picking myself up, by HIS grace and strength, to enforce the defeat that happened 2000 years ago on calvary in his life.
because i won.
"peace, be still"
-Jesus Christ
Messiah, Son of the living God.
the winner.
Friday, July 09, 2004
pikisheroomondee
-I'm expecting your glory dear father to explode in my life.-
today...yet another day whereby i really just stand by and witness and watch how involved He really is in my life, with every minute detail. It enthralls me.
crisis after crisis, right from the 'shockering' car accident on my way to work to work itself.but obviously im ok lah.and to think i just returned from sick leave. i prob shd not have taken the day off. will not go into detail with the crises at work but seriously, they were nothing i could handle, but yet He took care He blessed my mistakes, turned them around and gave me favour with even the most difficult people in the workplace, and EVERYTHING WORKED OUT FOR ME. someone cry out 'hallehlujah ' with me.
-thank you Jesus-
its starting to be obvious that this blog is not so much abt me but glimpses of Jesus and His gdness in the life of just another individual He picked up from the pits.
today...yet another day whereby i really just stand by and witness and watch how involved He really is in my life, with every minute detail. It enthralls me.
crisis after crisis, right from the 'shockering' car accident on my way to work to work itself.but obviously im ok lah.and to think i just returned from sick leave. i prob shd not have taken the day off. will not go into detail with the crises at work but seriously, they were nothing i could handle, but yet He took care He blessed my mistakes, turned them around and gave me favour with even the most difficult people in the workplace, and EVERYTHING WORKED OUT FOR ME. someone cry out 'hallehlujah ' with me.
-thank you Jesus-
its starting to be obvious that this blog is not so much abt me but glimpses of Jesus and His gdness in the life of just another individual He picked up from the pits.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
8th july
not because of who i am, but because of what you've done. not because of what i've done, but because of who you are"-casting crowns
its 2.20 on this extremely blessed day whereby my whole life took a paradigm shift 365 days ago. upwards.everything seems to start on this day!even my first blog!i just can't fall asleep. can't stop smiling. can't stop thanking Him. can't stop thanking Him for him...
as such, i probably won't be going to work tomorrow. but hey, praise God that i cleared quite alot of work today and for His sovereign grace. really just wanto set aside this special day as a honeymoon with my Jesus day.and later on...with the chosen vessel that carries His love for me.=)
am so humbled just watching His love plan for me unravel. was just thinking abt it today.so who exactly am i to deserve the good that i get today and continue to be able to expect good?its sheer grace and im rediscovering it. even after 4 years in a grace-based grace-strongly emphasized and thus criticised for church.as i look back, i can't honestly say i understood or that everything happened the way i want them to. but praise God for HIs word declares that all things work for good for those who love Him. and somehow, by that verse alone, i have been so greatly blessed.and awaiting for more, in every area...thank you Jesus. whatever that has been stolen, restored much more. i believe more restoration is on its way.
hallehlujah
today alone is enough to excite me.a commemoration of the first fruit of His gdness manifested in my life. despite the fact that i hafta explain myself to the gm now that my immediate superior is not in town to hear my explanation on why i can't get down to work. was so sick at work today and there was a cockroach at the workplace!which so darzen help. xinying and insects.totally mutually exclusive. but oh well, i shall rejoice, for this is the day this is the day this is the day!yay!im so sure Jesus is more excited than me.
-but anyway father..why did you create insects-
it must be a surprise for many to see me publish my thoughts..or whateva i can put to words here. for if you know me, i hardly can string thoughts together. a good half of the time, i VOMIT it all out and leave the recipient to discern decipher uncode and be declared a genius. AND, i've been so walled up in recent months its hard to..just talk again.ANd, it darzen help that im totally IT-unsavvy. i got here with cali's help. and even then, it wazznt altogether easy and i'm still pretty clueless.
just pray. you might actually be entertained..if you believe in the impossible.=)
its 2.20 on this extremely blessed day whereby my whole life took a paradigm shift 365 days ago. upwards.everything seems to start on this day!even my first blog!i just can't fall asleep. can't stop smiling. can't stop thanking Him. can't stop thanking Him for him...
as such, i probably won't be going to work tomorrow. but hey, praise God that i cleared quite alot of work today and for His sovereign grace. really just wanto set aside this special day as a honeymoon with my Jesus day.and later on...with the chosen vessel that carries His love for me.=)
am so humbled just watching His love plan for me unravel. was just thinking abt it today.so who exactly am i to deserve the good that i get today and continue to be able to expect good?its sheer grace and im rediscovering it. even after 4 years in a grace-based grace-strongly emphasized and thus criticised for church.as i look back, i can't honestly say i understood or that everything happened the way i want them to. but praise God for HIs word declares that all things work for good for those who love Him. and somehow, by that verse alone, i have been so greatly blessed.and awaiting for more, in every area...thank you Jesus. whatever that has been stolen, restored much more. i believe more restoration is on its way.
hallehlujah
today alone is enough to excite me.a commemoration of the first fruit of His gdness manifested in my life. despite the fact that i hafta explain myself to the gm now that my immediate superior is not in town to hear my explanation on why i can't get down to work. was so sick at work today and there was a cockroach at the workplace!which so darzen help. xinying and insects.totally mutually exclusive. but oh well, i shall rejoice, for this is the day this is the day this is the day!yay!im so sure Jesus is more excited than me.
-but anyway father..why did you create insects-
it must be a surprise for many to see me publish my thoughts..or whateva i can put to words here. for if you know me, i hardly can string thoughts together. a good half of the time, i VOMIT it all out and leave the recipient to discern decipher uncode and be declared a genius. AND, i've been so walled up in recent months its hard to..just talk again.ANd, it darzen help that im totally IT-unsavvy. i got here with cali's help. and even then, it wazznt altogether easy and i'm still pretty clueless.
just pray. you might actually be entertained..if you believe in the impossible.=)
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