....

-i know the truth. so why do i still listen to lies?-
 
i know i am rich and i have everything in christ and Jesus' payment on the cross qualifies that i get to enjoy all things..health wealth blah blah and blah. but somehow, i struggle between living the truth and succumbing to what my 5 senses tell me. its really not easy...
 
but praise God for the boyfriend who so ever patiently points me back to the truth. thank God he darzen try to drill( well..not often) it into me but allow God to take His own time to give me a personal revelation and recently i must say, i honestly can't help but feel rich even when my bank account indicates otherwise. but then again..serreeeyerrsly..who is my bank acct to God to even say anything at all abt my life. pui.
 
all i know is that in the last mths, weeks...i have really really fallen...from grace. i forgot how small my part in the scheme of things is and magnify my role. as though im indispensable. as though my job is my source. as though i can't rest because God is resting. that can't be further from the truth. this journey to rediscover grace is really hard to swallow. its so humbling and it really works my tear ducts out. its true..in the words of isaac quek, God is really 'gooder' than you can ever think He is...
 
this is oso from isaac...He is on my sampan and we're cruising down the river. if only i stop trying to be funny to row the boat myself instead and let him...HEz the motor behind every heavenly inspired desire afterall.-it is Him who works in us to will and to do for His good pleasure-but alas!i decide to jump ship somehow and kalao into the river..but even then, there is still a round float around me attached to the boat and i am still being dragged along. yet, oblivious to the help extended, i swim with all my might..trying to catch up with the boat.
 
i hope this illustration is clear enuff. i am finally seeing the futility of all that i have been doing and how foolishly i've been behaving. its awful.
 
not goin to let Christ be of no effect. its a finished work. no room for me to complete and do touch-ups at all.
 
phew.
 
"your gift of love, i crucified, i laughed and scorned him as he died...the humble king i named a fraud, and sacrificed the lamb of God...
 
i was so lost i shd have died, but u have brought em to your side. to be led by your staff and rod, and to be called the lamb of God."