Friday, March 31, 2006
realization
i feel a little bit scared knowing that He is so in charge. when every detail has His thumbprint.
-the end-
i finally laid the book to rest. i don't think i can bring myself to pick it up anytime soon. it reduced me to tears and not in the way a movie did, not in the way hurt and pain did. it was more to that. i felt like i lived her 68 years, all in two days.
i've been reading her biography non stop. prior to that i've been reading whatever information i could lay my hands on her on and off.
i don't even think i can sleep. i gaped in awe.i cried. i stood in shock. such was the person God chose. i'm sorry i did. i expected so much more of her person. i expected some sort of standard..i don't know if it was a moral standard or what but yardsticks are not necessary anymore.God is bigger that i ever thought after reading about her life. possibly bigger than she ever imagined.
i don't think i can ever align any life i know against hers. hers is too unique and beyond comparison. i don't think i can ever speak of anyone again. such is life. its so complex. the intermingling of the frailty of humanity with the almighty omnipotence of a sovereign God. i don't think any amount of words can aptly describe and explain the mystery.
just like how i'll never find anyone with the same fingerprints as mine, i'll never find a character as unique as hers. i still respect her, because she paid the price she deemed it was necessary. i doubt i would ever have the strength to do the same. i'm sure God honored her sacrifice tremendously. it was everything she ever had.
and lately its the topic of sacrifice that has been on my mind. and heart. that sacrifice speaks of love and you cannot love without sacrificing. you just can't. even all the conditions were in perfect place, you'd still have to sacrifice if you truly love. its something love compels you to do. its not determined by circumstances but compelled by love.
the degree of sacrifice is directly related to the degree of love. love always has a funny way of presenting itself plenty of opportunities to sacrifice. perhaps its all for self expression. all for proof that the love is authentic. at the end of the day, its not just the words that are said. its the deeds that are done. love is only love when its been given. you keep it in your heart, its as good as dead.
i can never talk about where i've given, how i've sowed and how i've served again. i can never talk about a ministry again. i can never talk about the pain of giving up anything i love again to obey. i cannot. i'm not even sure why God still loves me. love is truly not a boomerang. He sent all His love towards me but i can only reciprocate with that paltry amount. howthat unreciprocated love must have hurt him...i can't bear to imagine.
i've been reading her biography non stop. prior to that i've been reading whatever information i could lay my hands on her on and off.
i don't even think i can sleep. i gaped in awe.i cried. i stood in shock. such was the person God chose. i'm sorry i did. i expected so much more of her person. i expected some sort of standard..i don't know if it was a moral standard or what but yardsticks are not necessary anymore.God is bigger that i ever thought after reading about her life. possibly bigger than she ever imagined.
i don't think i can ever align any life i know against hers. hers is too unique and beyond comparison. i don't think i can ever speak of anyone again. such is life. its so complex. the intermingling of the frailty of humanity with the almighty omnipotence of a sovereign God. i don't think any amount of words can aptly describe and explain the mystery.
just like how i'll never find anyone with the same fingerprints as mine, i'll never find a character as unique as hers. i still respect her, because she paid the price she deemed it was necessary. i doubt i would ever have the strength to do the same. i'm sure God honored her sacrifice tremendously. it was everything she ever had.
and lately its the topic of sacrifice that has been on my mind. and heart. that sacrifice speaks of love and you cannot love without sacrificing. you just can't. even all the conditions were in perfect place, you'd still have to sacrifice if you truly love. its something love compels you to do. its not determined by circumstances but compelled by love.
the degree of sacrifice is directly related to the degree of love. love always has a funny way of presenting itself plenty of opportunities to sacrifice. perhaps its all for self expression. all for proof that the love is authentic. at the end of the day, its not just the words that are said. its the deeds that are done. love is only love when its been given. you keep it in your heart, its as good as dead.
i can never talk about where i've given, how i've sowed and how i've served again. i can never talk about a ministry again. i can never talk about the pain of giving up anything i love again to obey. i cannot. i'm not even sure why God still loves me. love is truly not a boomerang. He sent all His love towards me but i can only reciprocate with that paltry amount. howthat unreciprocated love must have hurt him...i can't bear to imagine.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
words unspoken are words forgotten
so i realised that each of us choke up with so many words inside us but we never find the right audience. or we just don't dare to be honest enough. but who's to blame? the world is too judgmental and it's just too wrong sometimes. but the yardstick for right is always impossible to reach anyway.
i know a friend, a dear friend who kept so much choked inside its a wonder this friend stays alive. worse than me. i bottle up a lot but i always somehow explode. i'll always manage to find a human audience, be it in a stranger or a friendso far flung from my life (for security reasons) or just someone i know who wouldn't judge and would understand.
my friend never got to say those words because for a moment of relief and vent, it could cost a lot of hurt to other people. and my friend stayed true to the course and as far as i know, no one knows the secret. its one of the best kept secrets. until i found out.
because no matter how hard anyone tries to hide anything, it'll come out in other things. human beings are just so fallible and weak. will never triumphs. truth does. i cannot confront said friend . i don't have the heart to. it's none of my business anway. and i know i'd only meet with vehement denials if i even ask. and it happened way too long ago for me to bring it up outta the blue. i'll keep it a secret too. not mine but i will. my friend will not read this blog but my friend will know i found out. somehow, it'll just show. its like that. you cannot bring yourself to say it but you hope someone will see it, guess it..and den u unconciously confirm it. its like that. and how you did it, you cant even remember. life is a mystery.
deep down, everybody wants to be heard.
which is why i keep this blog. although its been two years and i still cant bring myself to tell more than 10 pple the address. its ironic.
i know a friend, a dear friend who kept so much choked inside its a wonder this friend stays alive. worse than me. i bottle up a lot but i always somehow explode. i'll always manage to find a human audience, be it in a stranger or a friendso far flung from my life (for security reasons) or just someone i know who wouldn't judge and would understand.
my friend never got to say those words because for a moment of relief and vent, it could cost a lot of hurt to other people. and my friend stayed true to the course and as far as i know, no one knows the secret. its one of the best kept secrets. until i found out.
because no matter how hard anyone tries to hide anything, it'll come out in other things. human beings are just so fallible and weak. will never triumphs. truth does. i cannot confront said friend . i don't have the heart to. it's none of my business anway. and i know i'd only meet with vehement denials if i even ask. and it happened way too long ago for me to bring it up outta the blue. i'll keep it a secret too. not mine but i will. my friend will not read this blog but my friend will know i found out. somehow, it'll just show. its like that. you cannot bring yourself to say it but you hope someone will see it, guess it..and den u unconciously confirm it. its like that. and how you did it, you cant even remember. life is a mystery.
deep down, everybody wants to be heard.
which is why i keep this blog. although its been two years and i still cant bring myself to tell more than 10 pple the address. its ironic.
where my heart burned
ive always been a kaypoh when it comes to certain personalities. i get super obsessed over them and i find myself surfing about them, reading autobiographies/biographies etc. i'd do endless research read interviews by them, interviews about them. whatever it takes to quench that curiosity. so nothing delights me more than a gift of the only authorized biography of a woman whose life and ministry ive always been intrigued by. that being said, i'm only interested in SOME personalities and it takes knowing me to find out who. nono to autobiographies of paris hilton pam anderson etc....
the people that im obsessed abt are usually dead and christian. when i read them and about them, it is as if i trace the hand of God over them. its as if i can only see it from God's perspective, past them human faults and failures, past their sheer humanity alone and see how God can still come in, work past all that to come up with something spectacular and new.
and i see not just the works of God but the heart of God. that it truly is no respector of persons. that his mercy is not just for the saintly but for the utter sinners. for those that the world classifies as 'beyond redemption'. beyond the arms of grace. but if i may quote isaiah...is His arm shortened that He cannot save?
through the lives of the many that i've tirelessly kaypohed over, apparently not. i've become not just an awed spectator but an awed judge. i can't judge them for some of their acts of utter stupidity and their acts of rebellion towards a loving God (as i have done so myself) but i can only judge God as truly patient long suffering loving and gracious. that He is first and foremost a father who happens to be God. and not God first and then father.
its in their lives i see God again. i see that He is truly personable and truly involved. it never fails to amaze me how he can gather all of Himself and all of heaven to be so interested in one tiny puny life. and it gives me great hope.
be if kathryn kulman, billy graham to political personalities such as soong qing ling and sun yat sen, to celebrities like john cash and june carter cash (soemone whom i really cant find much info abt) to frank abignale...i saw the faithfulness of God especially in the unfaithfulness of man.
i feel especially confronted and vulnerable especially when i can identify with them. that moment i realise, as they probablyhave had, so many times, that we truly are nothing without Him. nothing. at. all.
no matter what they've done for God and how glowing their testimonials are of them, because of what i've seen and read, i cannot bring myself to put them on a pedestal. coz i know they would not have any of the man given glory. i'll let Jesus crown them himself. at the end of it all, (if theres an end indeed), their lives only served to point men to God. never mind that they had to sacrifice so much, and it was alot. some people don't seem to realise today that many great men and women had to give up ALOT just to follow God in the path that He determined for them. that some people, because much is given, much is required, they had to die a 1000 deaths just to be true to the message of the gospel. that they couldnt afford in one moment just to indulge inhuman passions and just expect God to 'bless their mistakes'.
i don't know if ican ever reach the place of complete surrender. that i can be so open to His will that no matter what He wants me to do, what He wants me to give up, i can say yes immediately and relinquish without complaint. and i no longer believe that if God asks you to give osmething up, it wun hurt. i have no doubt that He'll give u something better but i think very often, because u had to die to give it up, the hurt will be there and remembered. it will serve as a reminder most of all,that a death was required and you did die that death. i believe that is the same reason Jesus kept His scars. i believe that at least 3 in heaven will always remember the pain and agony of Jesus on the cross.
most of all, when i read about them, i realised that they refused to compare their sacrifices to God's ultimate sacrifice. and i am humbled. because really nothing compares to that. and i cant even bring myself to sacrifice ...something such as time.
i really cannot call myself a christian until i've been to the place of utter shame and depletion. that it is really His mercy and grace that we are even alive. that apart from that, i cannot live. theres really no other reason to lift your head unless it is to see Him.
and i'm glad He lifts my head to see Him and not just miracles and blessings.
i'm so happy...but how many of you know what i'm talking about?
the people that im obsessed abt are usually dead and christian. when i read them and about them, it is as if i trace the hand of God over them. its as if i can only see it from God's perspective, past them human faults and failures, past their sheer humanity alone and see how God can still come in, work past all that to come up with something spectacular and new.
and i see not just the works of God but the heart of God. that it truly is no respector of persons. that his mercy is not just for the saintly but for the utter sinners. for those that the world classifies as 'beyond redemption'. beyond the arms of grace. but if i may quote isaiah...is His arm shortened that He cannot save?
through the lives of the many that i've tirelessly kaypohed over, apparently not. i've become not just an awed spectator but an awed judge. i can't judge them for some of their acts of utter stupidity and their acts of rebellion towards a loving God (as i have done so myself) but i can only judge God as truly patient long suffering loving and gracious. that He is first and foremost a father who happens to be God. and not God first and then father.
its in their lives i see God again. i see that He is truly personable and truly involved. it never fails to amaze me how he can gather all of Himself and all of heaven to be so interested in one tiny puny life. and it gives me great hope.
be if kathryn kulman, billy graham to political personalities such as soong qing ling and sun yat sen, to celebrities like john cash and june carter cash (soemone whom i really cant find much info abt) to frank abignale...i saw the faithfulness of God especially in the unfaithfulness of man.
i feel especially confronted and vulnerable especially when i can identify with them. that moment i realise, as they probablyhave had, so many times, that we truly are nothing without Him. nothing. at. all.
no matter what they've done for God and how glowing their testimonials are of them, because of what i've seen and read, i cannot bring myself to put them on a pedestal. coz i know they would not have any of the man given glory. i'll let Jesus crown them himself. at the end of it all, (if theres an end indeed), their lives only served to point men to God. never mind that they had to sacrifice so much, and it was alot. some people don't seem to realise today that many great men and women had to give up ALOT just to follow God in the path that He determined for them. that some people, because much is given, much is required, they had to die a 1000 deaths just to be true to the message of the gospel. that they couldnt afford in one moment just to indulge inhuman passions and just expect God to 'bless their mistakes'.
i don't know if ican ever reach the place of complete surrender. that i can be so open to His will that no matter what He wants me to do, what He wants me to give up, i can say yes immediately and relinquish without complaint. and i no longer believe that if God asks you to give osmething up, it wun hurt. i have no doubt that He'll give u something better but i think very often, because u had to die to give it up, the hurt will be there and remembered. it will serve as a reminder most of all,that a death was required and you did die that death. i believe that is the same reason Jesus kept His scars. i believe that at least 3 in heaven will always remember the pain and agony of Jesus on the cross.
most of all, when i read about them, i realised that they refused to compare their sacrifices to God's ultimate sacrifice. and i am humbled. because really nothing compares to that. and i cant even bring myself to sacrifice ...something such as time.
i really cannot call myself a christian until i've been to the place of utter shame and depletion. that it is really His mercy and grace that we are even alive. that apart from that, i cannot live. theres really no other reason to lift your head unless it is to see Him.
and i'm glad He lifts my head to see Him and not just miracles and blessings.
i'm so happy...but how many of you know what i'm talking about?
Friday, March 24, 2006
same
days of dust go rambling by
running circles round my dreams and my life
if only i could scream my frustration away
if only i could see what He was doing in me
if only.
but i am not one who dwells on 'if onlys'.
i'll just scream but the frustration does not go
i'll just pray that He helps me see.
these days, there are only that many people i trust and can talk to.
of coz there are als o that many people who wanto talk to me and lick my wounds. not gape at them.
there are also that many people who can still make me laugh
its when u are at ur ugliest then u know who really loves you
it's in the dark that you can truly see who carries the light.
i have a phonebook so big that i have to choose who to include but when the rubber meets the road, the numbers that i do call are the same few. and i've committed them to memory anyway.
it used to be that betrayal was something you thought only existed on ch 8. but lately, its been a common feature in the lives of my very close friends and i ache for them because i know the hurt is debilitating. i wont try to numb the pain. i'll just keep praying that you and you and you will truly heal.
no updates. none at all. things aren't changing.
so is He.
so is His love.
running circles round my dreams and my life
if only i could scream my frustration away
if only i could see what He was doing in me
if only.
but i am not one who dwells on 'if onlys'.
i'll just scream but the frustration does not go
i'll just pray that He helps me see.
these days, there are only that many people i trust and can talk to.
of coz there are als o that many people who wanto talk to me and lick my wounds. not gape at them.
there are also that many people who can still make me laugh
its when u are at ur ugliest then u know who really loves you
it's in the dark that you can truly see who carries the light.
i have a phonebook so big that i have to choose who to include but when the rubber meets the road, the numbers that i do call are the same few. and i've committed them to memory anyway.
it used to be that betrayal was something you thought only existed on ch 8. but lately, its been a common feature in the lives of my very close friends and i ache for them because i know the hurt is debilitating. i wont try to numb the pain. i'll just keep praying that you and you and you will truly heal.
no updates. none at all. things aren't changing.
so is He.
so is His love.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
distress
my pet phrase used to be 'i'll never complain about having too much free time'
things have since drastically changed. i concede that i can never be a taitai. and live a life of nothingness (as i deem it).
i cannot spend my days going for spa, shopping and just having 'tea'/coffee anymore. nono, i tahbuleh tahan and i'm ready to throw in the towel. its driving me nuts, this lifestyle of nothingness. i feel like jumping up when i'm at the spa and i feel like kicking my pedicurist into the 2nd minute of filing my toenails.i can't even sit still for a haircut. i crave work.give me work to do.
and my mum's been super sweet bringing me on apparent shopping sprees, giving me the freedom to shop w/o worrying about money and signing up on a spa package. so now I HAVE TO GO. coz its already paid.
but i really want so much more. i wanto work. its a genuine heartfelt cry and i need it answered.
i always feel like i'm forced to rest these days, like i'm forced to enjoy myself but i find that i truly enjoy myself at work. which is probably what started the problem in the first place. i thank God for supportive family and boyfriend but now i need work.i need something beyond spa and shopping.i literally dun wanto buy anything anymore.nothing interests me. i have clothes with pricetags still on them. i only have one body and tt much time to wear the clothes. why do i need so much. even my mum darzen seem to understand. she herself is a hoarder.
helpch. distress signal ringing loud.
things have since drastically changed. i concede that i can never be a taitai. and live a life of nothingness (as i deem it).
i cannot spend my days going for spa, shopping and just having 'tea'/coffee anymore. nono, i tahbuleh tahan and i'm ready to throw in the towel. its driving me nuts, this lifestyle of nothingness. i feel like jumping up when i'm at the spa and i feel like kicking my pedicurist into the 2nd minute of filing my toenails.i can't even sit still for a haircut. i crave work.give me work to do.
and my mum's been super sweet bringing me on apparent shopping sprees, giving me the freedom to shop w/o worrying about money and signing up on a spa package. so now I HAVE TO GO. coz its already paid.
but i really want so much more. i wanto work. its a genuine heartfelt cry and i need it answered.
i always feel like i'm forced to rest these days, like i'm forced to enjoy myself but i find that i truly enjoy myself at work. which is probably what started the problem in the first place. i thank God for supportive family and boyfriend but now i need work.i need something beyond spa and shopping.i literally dun wanto buy anything anymore.nothing interests me. i have clothes with pricetags still on them. i only have one body and tt much time to wear the clothes. why do i need so much. even my mum darzen seem to understand. she herself is a hoarder.
helpch. distress signal ringing loud.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
someone is trying to silence me.
in case u've tried to contact me and failed...or are planning to contact me...
i refuse to open my mouth beyond the necessary because of an ulcer. people who know me know that i generally refrain from opening my mouth when theres an ulcer. so i basically dun talk/eat. i might sip water through a straw.
and due to other difficulties, i also don't sms. so yay!i'm uncontactable.
don't call my home number because if u catch me when i'm sleeping, even with the ulcer i'll still scream and burst ur eardrums. and if u dun have my home phone number, DUN ASK FOR IT. i already said..I CANT TALK SO IF U"RE GG TO CALL ME AT HOME JUST TO ASK FOR SOME STUPID FAVOR..i will...have trouble forgiving u.(not much of a threat)
if you reallly really need to contact me, for example...like you really need to give me a present, (no food pls. cash and clothes an dpretty make up..all ok) you're just caught at an unfortunate time and all i can say is pray.
other than that, i will be uncontactable!!! maybe since i can't talk to anyone here i'll take up SIA's offer and hop on a plane to go for some cheapo holeeeedayyyy.
i refuse to open my mouth beyond the necessary because of an ulcer. people who know me know that i generally refrain from opening my mouth when theres an ulcer. so i basically dun talk/eat. i might sip water through a straw.
and due to other difficulties, i also don't sms. so yay!i'm uncontactable.
don't call my home number because if u catch me when i'm sleeping, even with the ulcer i'll still scream and burst ur eardrums. and if u dun have my home phone number, DUN ASK FOR IT. i already said..I CANT TALK SO IF U"RE GG TO CALL ME AT HOME JUST TO ASK FOR SOME STUPID FAVOR..i will...have trouble forgiving u.(not much of a threat)
if you reallly really need to contact me, for example...like you really need to give me a present, (no food pls. cash and clothes an dpretty make up..all ok) you're just caught at an unfortunate time and all i can say is pray.
other than that, i will be uncontactable!!! maybe since i can't talk to anyone here i'll take up SIA's offer and hop on a plane to go for some cheapo holeeeedayyyy.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
few words
i don't know what to blog about. i'm not sure if the highlights in the past week are even worth recounting. the so-called highlights anyway.
i'm still wandering but wondering less. my heart still feels somewhat broken. i cannot stand in the face of human suffering and yet turning away will not help. something inside me compels me to do something. and i know i'm not alone in sharing that hurt.
my knees go weak and my eyes water endlessly and i pray and pray and pray. i wanto save someone today. i wanto make someone's day better. better still, somebody's life and destiny. yet i'm so limited, so restricted.
God help me. i'm really nothing without Him and sometimes, nomatter how much money you are willing to give, its not going to alleviate the suffering of those individuals.
God forbid i ever love money, love the cause more than i love Him. God forbid. its the road to monsterdom and the degeneration is so fast and so swift it has claimed a few glorious souls around me. a soul is rendered dead when it can't even response to God's love. and i've died too many times to know what i'm talking about.
don't dangle money infront of me and try to tempt me to envy. i have nothing to envy. i am struggling not to despise you instead.
i'm still wandering but wondering less. my heart still feels somewhat broken. i cannot stand in the face of human suffering and yet turning away will not help. something inside me compels me to do something. and i know i'm not alone in sharing that hurt.
my knees go weak and my eyes water endlessly and i pray and pray and pray. i wanto save someone today. i wanto make someone's day better. better still, somebody's life and destiny. yet i'm so limited, so restricted.
God help me. i'm really nothing without Him and sometimes, nomatter how much money you are willing to give, its not going to alleviate the suffering of those individuals.
God forbid i ever love money, love the cause more than i love Him. God forbid. its the road to monsterdom and the degeneration is so fast and so swift it has claimed a few glorious souls around me. a soul is rendered dead when it can't even response to God's love. and i've died too many times to know what i'm talking about.
don't dangle money infront of me and try to tempt me to envy. i have nothing to envy. i am struggling not to despise you instead.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
when shez supposed to be sleeping instead...
i can't sleep even though i have to so i'm here talking to myself and when uguys wake up tmr, youall will read.
this week has been quite insane lah. met up with cali, jo and niq. i can't even begin to recall which happened first but its ok. it was good and i vaguely remember jo talking about how SHUANG TIAN ZI ZHUN rox and yes, its that zoe tay li nanxing show that we all secretly watch.
so that entered my subconcious and i went on the rest of the week randomly breaking into song. the Unbeatables theme song. and i'm very proud that i can sing the WHOLE song lah. so anyone wanto pay to listen to me sing, pls call. u guys know the number.
den after tt i was supposed to meet my darling bf. hez supposed to take 95 to hv to meet me but he took 96 and i couldnt believe his blurness because it happens so often and i was so so mad i called caliand niq to scream and complain. was determnined to be angry and give him pure hell for at least 15 minutes.
but when i saw him pop out of the cab 20 mins later with a sheepish scared smile, all was forgiven lor. i still marvel at how he can pull this off with me. sigh. den he was so cute i wanted to just grab him hug him and kiss him. so so cute.
somehow u cant help but forgive someone you love. no matter what. and this is true oso for him towards me.
sometimes when we fight its like we're both sitting on each side of Jesus' shoulder sparring with plastic swords while Jesus is in between shaking his head and getting a headache. and in the process i always snip off some of His hair.den He shakes his head even more.
den the next moment He reconciles and we make up. and we forget out differences and hold hands and skip happily into the sunset (with ice cream of coz)
i give the two guys i love most the greatest headaches. so im grateful and most relieved they're still here. drives isaac to his knees in desperation and i must say that the good thing that came out of it all is that i really improve his prayer life. and this guy already prays nonstop.
an di drive Jesus...i dunno where i drive Him. despite shaking His head, He is generally quite calm and still knows wat to do and how to handle me and us.
lalalalakekeke.
this week has been quite insane lah. met up with cali, jo and niq. i can't even begin to recall which happened first but its ok. it was good and i vaguely remember jo talking about how SHUANG TIAN ZI ZHUN rox and yes, its that zoe tay li nanxing show that we all secretly watch.
so that entered my subconcious and i went on the rest of the week randomly breaking into song. the Unbeatables theme song. and i'm very proud that i can sing the WHOLE song lah. so anyone wanto pay to listen to me sing, pls call. u guys know the number.
den after tt i was supposed to meet my darling bf. hez supposed to take 95 to hv to meet me but he took 96 and i couldnt believe his blurness because it happens so often and i was so so mad i called caliand niq to scream and complain. was determnined to be angry and give him pure hell for at least 15 minutes.
but when i saw him pop out of the cab 20 mins later with a sheepish scared smile, all was forgiven lor. i still marvel at how he can pull this off with me. sigh. den he was so cute i wanted to just grab him hug him and kiss him. so so cute.
somehow u cant help but forgive someone you love. no matter what. and this is true oso for him towards me.
sometimes when we fight its like we're both sitting on each side of Jesus' shoulder sparring with plastic swords while Jesus is in between shaking his head and getting a headache. and in the process i always snip off some of His hair.den He shakes his head even more.
den the next moment He reconciles and we make up. and we forget out differences and hold hands and skip happily into the sunset (with ice cream of coz)
i give the two guys i love most the greatest headaches. so im grateful and most relieved they're still here. drives isaac to his knees in desperation and i must say that the good thing that came out of it all is that i really improve his prayer life. and this guy already prays nonstop.
an di drive Jesus...i dunno where i drive Him. despite shaking His head, He is generally quite calm and still knows wat to do and how to handle me and us.
lalalalakekeke.
Friday, March 03, 2006
feed His (smelly) sheep
He just knows what i'm thinking about lor.
so He sent this reply.
"the love of God pays no attention to my prejudices caused by my natural individuality. If i love my lord, i have no business being guided by natural emotions- i have to feed His sheep. we will not be delivered or released from His commission to us. beware of counterfeiting the love of God by following your own natural human emotions, sympathies or understandings. that will only serve to revile and abuse the true love of God."
-oswald chambers
so He sent this reply.
"the love of God pays no attention to my prejudices caused by my natural individuality. If i love my lord, i have no business being guided by natural emotions- i have to feed His sheep. we will not be delivered or released from His commission to us. beware of counterfeiting the love of God by following your own natural human emotions, sympathies or understandings. that will only serve to revile and abuse the true love of God."
-oswald chambers
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