"On this day"-Isaac Quek

The gift of your heart,

The gift of your life,

God's unfolding dream for you,

Blazes brighter with every turn

The growing of

Hope, of Joy, of Healing and a good blessing

Growing into the woman you've become

Rising into the woman you've yet to be

On this day God sent down a blessing

To rest in my heart

He sent true friend, irreplaceable, precious in you

On this day the angels celebrate the blessing that is you

and we join with full hearts

in Jesus' celebration too

all that you've been

all that you've seen

these 24 quick measures of time

cannot compare with the glory

that in your destiny shines

He smiles, waiting

your heart ever patiently dscovering

His God-divine surprise

His delight of heart with which He made

How He rejoiced over

When His mind had planned,

and thoughts designed

and hands fashioned you.

No eye has seen, no heart has learnt

the glory which in chambers of light

within His heart abides

But you will learn and you will know

today-a part of the joy with which

His eternal heart rejoiced

When He fathered you this day,

in eternity 24 years ago.

empty well

not the best weekend of my life.

i haven't even been spending my regular time with my Father. so many things i want to say to Him. and it's not just work that's keeping us apart. its the problem that i refuse to let go and give to Him.

i'm cracked and dry.

i've been caught up in the whirlwind of things and have neglected the One. last night, as i dwelt at His feet in His presence, i literally felt slain in the spirit and lay on my bed unable to move or speak with the presence of Him so strong upon me.

i need more of Him in my life. but i don't know how to give more of me. i'm still so selfish and self-seeking instead of God seeking. i'm still caught up with the cares of this life and the pursuit of my dreams that were birthed by Him in the first place for His glory. now, suddenly it seems to be my only agenda and i know i need to be gently prodded back into His arms.

i'm so lovesick.

with all my excuses, i'm still 24 strong

i'm still trying to pretend its really not so soon. that its just the beginning of july and i really have still 3 more weeks. its so surreal--this almost mid 20s thing.i'm not ready for this at all. age is just meaningless. the number of years i spent alive breathing says nothing about what i really am. at times i feel like a little girl and sometimes i feel i've lived centuries. it doesn't say anything about my abilities, my lessons, who i really am.

but nonetheless i choose to be thankful. i am tempted to dismiss this day and hide under the bed because i hate confronting the fact that ive been around for so long (i dunno why). i choose to commemorate His faithfulness above all else and celebrate the journey (the travelled and the yet-to-be).

He created me.found me. saved me. loved me.

all.the.way
every.single.breath

and for that, i'll celebrate my life. all that i am and all that i've been made to be. (sometimes the only reason i think i'll love me is because He first loved me. I can't even stand my own tantrums at times). when i'm living for Him, life is worth living inspite of the pain that accompanies. when i remember the destiny that is unravelling in my life, i know its all worth it.

everyday is a chance for adventure. for goodness. for light to shine. for Jesus to be real in me and through me. and for that to happen, everyday i die. so He lives.


**

Twenty Four-Switchfoot.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong
See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh
I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and trueI'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies In twenty four parts
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

wrong diagnosis.

if money truly takes on the character of its master, i'll let You be my treasurer over every cent. there issn't much now but use it. I know somehow my needs will still all be provided.

**
so i've been telling my concerned friends that its probably another bout of stomach flu. well, the doctor's confirmed diagnosis however turns out slightly different.

it's a nose,throat and ear infection.

yes, i know. i can never be a doctor.

but i got nausea ok. very bad nausea and giddiness.i thought if it can't be pregnancy must be stomach flu lah! somehow i totally discounted the runny nose and all.
and yesterday i was self medicating on gastric medicine etc.

=\
**
aching ....

over the 45 bux that i spent on medication.

move out of the cosy

just realised that i don't really want a skiing holiday after all. i want to run away with Him. Holy day perhaps. not to escape the life that chokes me up but to recharge and return with strength.

Hence,

times square church, NYC-Jan 08

David Wilkerson inspires me. I'll ski in heaven or whenever, later.

challenge of the day: follow my train of thoughts.

isaac says life is a marathon and i shdn't be so impatient. i agree. sometimes i lose sight of the destination and because of that, i feel like i'm merely existing. i'm not living for Him, for myself or for anyone or for anything. i just breathe enough to last 24 hours and when i reach the 25th, i've made it through another day.

i don't like that. i don't wanto merely exist, or even live just for myself. its not supposed to be like this. life is grander than that. and i find people for who merely exist for the base and shallow so deplorable.there, i said it. its a judgment call..on the act and attitude, not on the person. i just don't want to be ever be like that.

the fire has abated somewhat and i'm restless. i'm wondering what's happening. i live for thrills, the fun and the exciting and suddenly i'm confronted with nothingness alone. i know that i'm on the way to somewhere but the in-between is the place of least excitement.

and of coz that leads to the question, "when i reach there, then what?"

i don't want to hide my personality and be someone else. i'm not someone else. i'm a girl at heart and i have a whole host of idiosyncrosies. my imperfections are perfectly showcased especially on a bad day or when i'm PMSing, or when i don't leave much room for God. while i'll very much like them to go away and let God do a deep work in me, its taking a while, it doesn't warrant comparison and judgment.

i'd like to think that somewhere, even outside this universe, i'm celebrated. me, as a package. not me without faults. perfectly accepted. (don't we all?)but somewhere while writing through the codes of human rights, a perfectionist left that out. a world that doesn't know perfect love makes no provision for imperfection.

today, i had a glimpse of chastisement with love. God made me see some real wrong in me that i refused to see thanks to the self-righteous streak in me. and that dawned on me, it was like "ah!" and i could see Him gently leading me and making my paths straight again. i felt so loved. ever know how that feels?

i don't like birthdays. my own. i don't know when it started. it's not just about the getting old part. i stopped celebrating the day that commemorated my entrance into this world. the mark of my journey. i feel intrinsically tied to that day and i want it so badly to be perfect. but very often, it has not. i try so hard to drown it out with the mundane so i won't think about me. so i won't feel insignificant. i wonder how the party they threw in heaven was like the day i was born again.

if you pluck any random girl out from the street, i'll probably pale in comparison, in almost any aspect. (Except maybe my appetite)yes, i've been nothing and i'm still nothing and i'd just like to think that somewhere, someone celebrates my nothingness.

and even when i reach the point of something, i pray it'll never overwhelm me that i'll forget Him who truly is everything. all in all. through it all.

i like to dwell upon self-worth. everytime i ponder till the point of despair that i'm such a nothing, God always interrupts my chain of thoughts to remind me what He paid for me.

and i smile and weep and rejoice for I AM equivalent to the intrinsic value of the darling of Heaven.

i say, love a 'nothing' today.

4th duckobell.

we crossed our 4th ocean today. by the sure mercies and faithfulness of our Lord Jesus Christ.
and praise God, there were fireworks to decorate our special day too. today i can say i love him more more than 4 years ago. today i can say, that i'm even more sure than i ever was. today i can say that i've tasted His goodness in our lives and it is good.

Honey in the rock.Tough on the outside, but molten sweetness on the inside.

and tomorrow i'll say the same.

singled

these two weeks have felt extremely long. sometimes, even lonely.

i have to be mindful that above all else, He is my partner, my co-labourer, my constant companion. when He arrests my attention and everything around dims until the only light i see is Him, that's the most wonderful feeling in the way and i'm at the highest, unsurpassed peak in this world.

unfortunately, i do not always realise that. sometimes, the daily grind of things causes me to lose focus and open the door for weariness to set in. then, instead of running to the prince for refreshing, i just languish in that state , refusing to go beyond that.

sometimes, i just need a friend to understand. that its not just about the money, the promises it brings to us. sometimes, we labour for a bigger picture. i don't wanto sound like i'm some noble but i'm just so sick of people clamouring only after these things. things have never kept me happy, not for long anyway and they're not owning my heart and life anytime soon.

sometimes, i just want someone to chase God with me. i don't need another shopping companion after a tired day at work, a tired week. i need a friend to hear me out, share our highs and lows and know i have family in this kingdom and a comrade with a common cause.

everyone just wants to hear the blessedness but there were so few to share the struggles.

i really miss my friends so much.

to you, you and you...lets make time soon.

to you, welcome back..i've missed you. =)

to You, i'm sorry for the things i've made it, when it's really all about You.