Saturday, September 30, 2006
there is worth in the brokeness
unlike people, Jesus is never intimidated by the depth of my need and the demonstration of my weaknesses.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
my God is bigger than your devil
isaiah 55: 15-17
indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake
''behold, i have created the blacksmith
who blows the coals in the fire
who brings forth an instrument for his work;
and i have created the spoiler to destroy.
no weopon formed against you shall prosper,
and every tongue which rises against you in judgment
you shall condemn
this is the heritage of the servants of the lord,
and their righteousness is from me"
this is the word of the Lord to me this morning and i was puzzled. unbeknownst to me,there was a battle waged against me and i was seriously outnumbered and outpowered. i don't know what it was about me that attracted such opposition but the opposition came strongly in the form of powerful influential people.
3 ladies in a week riled accusations at me at the workplace this week. the week after i came back from my sweet retreat in melbourne. 2 of them are very powerful and in 1 has served in the company for a long time. if it was my word against hers, in the natural, even before i speak to defend myself, the battle is over. i'd have been slain.
but they didn't even allow me to defend myself. neither did they complain to my boss. they went straight up to the highest management. i am quite honored coz in such a big company with so many offices, its very hard to be noticed by the big bosses. (hurhur)
so anyways, with first influential lady in the company, whom i am just gg to endearingly coin as empress dowager , her credibility is basically stripped because evidence in my favour surfaced during her meeting with the big shots. and it was presented by her own staff.
with second influential lady, whose demands i did not meet, she is now dismissed as being difficult and ridiculous because evidence surfaced in the form of email correspondences. (thank God for technology)
for the last sad lady , she faces an imminent dismissal as her accusations (which include me victimizing her when shez twice my age by forcing her to change her name)and previous records have shown her to be an errant liar. and someone reported her to the bosses for me. i was contemplating showing her mercy. but alas!i took too long to contemplate. the verdict is passed. (cali, this was what i was telling u)
AND..thanks to them, my bosses are realising that for someone who is holding a junior position as me, i am doing way beyond what my job description dictates and have felt it is very unfair for me. so now...they have decided to review my case and vindicate me when previously i had no hope at all of even getting them to notice me, not to mention my 'plight'.
hallehlujah.
thank you so so so much Jesus. thank God i was in the dark and had no chance of a 'fair trial' to defend myself. thank God. because thats truly the time God fights for me and put my enemies to such a shame. its truly in instances and victories like these , when i see their sorry end i forget (at least for amoment) the evil intended for me that was birthed in their hearts and i truly want to 'pray for my enemies'.
one word of caution for potential enemies: my God is bigger than your devil.
for those who know about my dream about snakes hatching eggs that hatched chicks instead...the tide of evil has certainly did an amazing U- turn and birthed good instead. what a delightful harvest.
indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake
''behold, i have created the blacksmith
who blows the coals in the fire
who brings forth an instrument for his work;
and i have created the spoiler to destroy.
no weopon formed against you shall prosper,
and every tongue which rises against you in judgment
you shall condemn
this is the heritage of the servants of the lord,
and their righteousness is from me"
this is the word of the Lord to me this morning and i was puzzled. unbeknownst to me,there was a battle waged against me and i was seriously outnumbered and outpowered. i don't know what it was about me that attracted such opposition but the opposition came strongly in the form of powerful influential people.
3 ladies in a week riled accusations at me at the workplace this week. the week after i came back from my sweet retreat in melbourne. 2 of them are very powerful and in 1 has served in the company for a long time. if it was my word against hers, in the natural, even before i speak to defend myself, the battle is over. i'd have been slain.
but they didn't even allow me to defend myself. neither did they complain to my boss. they went straight up to the highest management. i am quite honored coz in such a big company with so many offices, its very hard to be noticed by the big bosses. (hurhur)
so anyways, with first influential lady in the company, whom i am just gg to endearingly coin as empress dowager , her credibility is basically stripped because evidence in my favour surfaced during her meeting with the big shots. and it was presented by her own staff.
with second influential lady, whose demands i did not meet, she is now dismissed as being difficult and ridiculous because evidence surfaced in the form of email correspondences. (thank God for technology)
for the last sad lady , she faces an imminent dismissal as her accusations (which include me victimizing her when shez twice my age by forcing her to change her name)and previous records have shown her to be an errant liar. and someone reported her to the bosses for me. i was contemplating showing her mercy. but alas!i took too long to contemplate. the verdict is passed. (cali, this was what i was telling u)
AND..thanks to them, my bosses are realising that for someone who is holding a junior position as me, i am doing way beyond what my job description dictates and have felt it is very unfair for me. so now...they have decided to review my case and vindicate me when previously i had no hope at all of even getting them to notice me, not to mention my 'plight'.
hallehlujah.
thank you so so so much Jesus. thank God i was in the dark and had no chance of a 'fair trial' to defend myself. thank God. because thats truly the time God fights for me and put my enemies to such a shame. its truly in instances and victories like these , when i see their sorry end i forget (at least for amoment) the evil intended for me that was birthed in their hearts and i truly want to 'pray for my enemies'.
one word of caution for potential enemies: my God is bigger than your devil.
for those who know about my dream about snakes hatching eggs that hatched chicks instead...the tide of evil has certainly did an amazing U- turn and birthed good instead. what a delightful harvest.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
post mortem
i won't even bother blogging about work because its soooo not worth it stirring up wrath in me now. i had a good evening with lovely old friends and i'm thankful.
had a medical checkup today to attempt to find out why i fainted. once again, the doctors haven't a single clue coz i seem to be perfectly all right. i'm so not surprised. its always the case...the uncanny thing however is that the pattern which i faint is so cool lah.i faint once every 4 years and it always happens in september. except for one year when it was in may.
perhaps some of you might remember an episode from grey's anatomy whereby a lady had heart attack on the same day every year. it was triggered by a death of a loved one but it was a memory she had surpressed for the longest time. so today, i wondered and searched my incomplete memory to see if i can remember anything traumatic that happened in september.
so in short, one friend quipped that i was like the world cup lah. just a lot less sensational.
and i was telling niq, according to natural unnatural medical science, my nxt scheduled faint will happen on sept 2010.
hur hur.
**
i love dinner today with two of my oldest friends in the world!the stone age gang reunites!and ade even bumped into jonathan leong whom she nearly went to stalk despite long hours at work.yes, and we ALL share the same alma mater lah. i wonder why we never kept in touch with people like that but instead...erm...each other.
THAT ASIDE, i'm glad we never fail to laugh really hard at each other even though we haven't met for ages. i love you girls u noe!more than jonathan leong!
i can't believe we've stuck together for more than a decade even when life has taken us on such separate courses. we used to have sleepovers so often and now we're reduced to dinners every 3 mths if time permits. maybe we shd do a sleepover soon...this time at a frasers suite?i get huge discount.=)
had a medical checkup today to attempt to find out why i fainted. once again, the doctors haven't a single clue coz i seem to be perfectly all right. i'm so not surprised. its always the case...the uncanny thing however is that the pattern which i faint is so cool lah.i faint once every 4 years and it always happens in september. except for one year when it was in may.
perhaps some of you might remember an episode from grey's anatomy whereby a lady had heart attack on the same day every year. it was triggered by a death of a loved one but it was a memory she had surpressed for the longest time. so today, i wondered and searched my incomplete memory to see if i can remember anything traumatic that happened in september.
so in short, one friend quipped that i was like the world cup lah. just a lot less sensational.
and i was telling niq, according to natural unnatural medical science, my nxt scheduled faint will happen on sept 2010.
hur hur.
**
i love dinner today with two of my oldest friends in the world!the stone age gang reunites!and ade even bumped into jonathan leong whom she nearly went to stalk despite long hours at work.yes, and we ALL share the same alma mater lah. i wonder why we never kept in touch with people like that but instead...erm...each other.
THAT ASIDE, i'm glad we never fail to laugh really hard at each other even though we haven't met for ages. i love you girls u noe!more than jonathan leong!
i can't believe we've stuck together for more than a decade even when life has taken us on such separate courses. we used to have sleepovers so often and now we're reduced to dinners every 3 mths if time permits. maybe we shd do a sleepover soon...this time at a frasers suite?i get huge discount.=)
Monday, September 25, 2006
puffy eyes and wet pillows
mei ling sent me a song about crying to sleep.
and that triggered so many memories about the times i did so. and how my heart felt like it was broken beyond repair. and the events and people who broke my heart. and broke me.
the good news is i've risen from the ashes each time. like a phoenix. even though every single time i thought there is simply no way i can ever stand up again. because the hurt cuts too deep and i'm only too weak. sometimes the entire healing process takes a day and i wake up the nxt day feeling silly for being such a cry baby. other times, it takes years.
i never was the same again after each episode and every single one altered my life and changed its course. but God was faithful through every single episode. and showed me the power of resurrection in my own life even when i think i'm beyond the grip of His grace.
sometimes when these events resurface in my mind, i still feel a tinge of sadness but i rejoice knowing how God won't waste a single tear i shed and every shred of hurt inflicted , actively turning it around for good. for that i'm so thankful.
its ok if the people never apologised or continue to live in ignorance of hurting me while i struggled to live in denial that i was indeed tremendously hurt. i don't seek an apology or a reconciliation. i'm just thankful God took carved you out of the memory of hurt that i have of you and today i'm free to exhale and inhale love.
maybe if i'd made it known and be brave enough to admit my pain, things would have healed faster. but i never do. i put on a false front and stay so strong den crumble and die inside. i havent arrived at the place where i can be completely vulnerable before human beings so if you've hurt me, unwittingly or not....excuse me while i go drench my pillow with tears.
and that triggered so many memories about the times i did so. and how my heart felt like it was broken beyond repair. and the events and people who broke my heart. and broke me.
the good news is i've risen from the ashes each time. like a phoenix. even though every single time i thought there is simply no way i can ever stand up again. because the hurt cuts too deep and i'm only too weak. sometimes the entire healing process takes a day and i wake up the nxt day feeling silly for being such a cry baby. other times, it takes years.
i never was the same again after each episode and every single one altered my life and changed its course. but God was faithful through every single episode. and showed me the power of resurrection in my own life even when i think i'm beyond the grip of His grace.
sometimes when these events resurface in my mind, i still feel a tinge of sadness but i rejoice knowing how God won't waste a single tear i shed and every shred of hurt inflicted , actively turning it around for good. for that i'm so thankful.
its ok if the people never apologised or continue to live in ignorance of hurting me while i struggled to live in denial that i was indeed tremendously hurt. i don't seek an apology or a reconciliation. i'm just thankful God took carved you out of the memory of hurt that i have of you and today i'm free to exhale and inhale love.
maybe if i'd made it known and be brave enough to admit my pain, things would have healed faster. but i never do. i put on a false front and stay so strong den crumble and die inside. i havent arrived at the place where i can be completely vulnerable before human beings so if you've hurt me, unwittingly or not....excuse me while i go drench my pillow with tears.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
my breakthrough is here.
this is not easy for me to share but i'll do it anyway. i am so full i have to testify.
maybe some of you already know that my relationship with isaac has never really received the full endorsement of my parents , especially my mum as isaac does not meet the natural requirements of what should be the perfect guy for her daughter. he was the anti-thesis of her. being extremely steep in her chinese traditions, isaac being the one who consistently fails chinese and having no clue about what is appropriate at all did not gain much favour. and she'd really much prefer someone who is spilling over with money.because this daughter of hers cannot afford to go hungry. for one single moment. (dun laugh)
she carried too many fears from her own marriage and relationship and the last thing she wanted was her daughter to walk into those exact footsteps. its always been a sore point in our mother-daughter relationship as well as a pain in my heart. i prayed till i gave up and brushed it to the back of my mind because it was a disappointment that was never resolved. i don't expect them to be best friends but i just wanted my mum's blessings. even when i forgot (or tried to forget) for the past three years, God never did.
i let that desire die because i couldn't face up to the fact that God never answered that prayer. it was too painful to deal with it because i hate to confront the fact that it might signal that my God has forgotten me. or that i'm not important enough to warrant His attention.
in the past few months however,i've been meeting random christian strangers and men of God who just feel led to deliver a word of God to me. even during my trip to melb, these interjections of the SAME word did not stop. all they wanted to deliver was a simple message: your breakthrough is here.
i didn't know what that meant. i felt like my life was pretty on track except for a bit of career distress and that my walk with God could be better.
in short,i didn't remember what i thought God forgot.
today during worship in church, my mum engrossed in worship heard the voice of God speak to her. He strictly told her to forgive any trespasses of anyone who has offended her and proceeded to tell her specifically to accept and bless me and isaac.
my mum, being the God-fearing woman that she is wept and struggled. God had spoken but she still had to be unknotted inside. but i guess she conceded that if God could entrust isaac with me, she'd better follow suit. that led to her praying for him and his career..and then us.
my breakthrough is here.
i thought You'd forgotten. i'm sorry i doubted. thank you for being so faithful Jesus.
the river runs and the river hides
out to the ocean and under the sky
i promise you, the answer will come
hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time
coz maybe there's another plan
one i still can'tsee
a little surprise , like your love in my life
funny how time changes how we see.
-everything in its time-
corrine may
maybe some of you already know that my relationship with isaac has never really received the full endorsement of my parents , especially my mum as isaac does not meet the natural requirements of what should be the perfect guy for her daughter. he was the anti-thesis of her. being extremely steep in her chinese traditions, isaac being the one who consistently fails chinese and having no clue about what is appropriate at all did not gain much favour. and she'd really much prefer someone who is spilling over with money.because this daughter of hers cannot afford to go hungry. for one single moment. (dun laugh)
she carried too many fears from her own marriage and relationship and the last thing she wanted was her daughter to walk into those exact footsteps. its always been a sore point in our mother-daughter relationship as well as a pain in my heart. i prayed till i gave up and brushed it to the back of my mind because it was a disappointment that was never resolved. i don't expect them to be best friends but i just wanted my mum's blessings. even when i forgot (or tried to forget) for the past three years, God never did.
i let that desire die because i couldn't face up to the fact that God never answered that prayer. it was too painful to deal with it because i hate to confront the fact that it might signal that my God has forgotten me. or that i'm not important enough to warrant His attention.
in the past few months however,i've been meeting random christian strangers and men of God who just feel led to deliver a word of God to me. even during my trip to melb, these interjections of the SAME word did not stop. all they wanted to deliver was a simple message: your breakthrough is here.
i didn't know what that meant. i felt like my life was pretty on track except for a bit of career distress and that my walk with God could be better.
in short,i didn't remember what i thought God forgot.
today during worship in church, my mum engrossed in worship heard the voice of God speak to her. He strictly told her to forgive any trespasses of anyone who has offended her and proceeded to tell her specifically to accept and bless me and isaac.
my mum, being the God-fearing woman that she is wept and struggled. God had spoken but she still had to be unknotted inside. but i guess she conceded that if God could entrust isaac with me, she'd better follow suit. that led to her praying for him and his career..and then us.
my breakthrough is here.
i thought You'd forgotten. i'm sorry i doubted. thank you for being so faithful Jesus.
the river runs and the river hides
out to the ocean and under the sky
i promise you, the answer will come
hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time
coz maybe there's another plan
one i still can'tsee
a little surprise , like your love in my life
funny how time changes how we see.
-everything in its time-
corrine may
Saturday, September 23, 2006
tagged by candice on sept 12.just a leetle late
today i love:
You
meeting up with you after 8 days.
your smell/hugs/kisses
nasi padang.
your call to tell me my mum's prayers worked and God is real in our lives.
freedom to love and to be loved
end to self-loathing
feeling beautiful despite big zit on right cheek simply because You live in me.
your mum's gift of brand's essence and walnut cake after hearing abt my plane drama
my mum tapaoing hokkien mee for me in the vain hope that i'll gain weight.
looking/laughing at melb photos.
talking to old friends on the phone
talking to new friend/kind samaritan who helped me on the plane.
realising that people actually read my blog.
You
meeting up with you after 8 days.
your smell/hugs/kisses
nasi padang.
your call to tell me my mum's prayers worked and God is real in our lives.
freedom to love and to be loved
end to self-loathing
feeling beautiful despite big zit on right cheek simply because You live in me.
your mum's gift of brand's essence and walnut cake after hearing abt my plane drama
my mum tapaoing hokkien mee for me in the vain hope that i'll gain weight.
looking/laughing at melb photos.
talking to old friends on the phone
talking to new friend/kind samaritan who helped me on the plane.
realising that people actually read my blog.
u notice i didn't post any pictures of you after the haircut?
me with mutant turnip in grocer's at little vietnam
she didn't tell me we were gg on the highway.so i drove...
everyone survived.
shuxin and me in monash
pancakes at jerry's
muesli. she tried to radicalize my diet. decided i was too unhealthy and small.
shuxin aunty and me at jerry's.
scrambled eggs with baked beans on toast at jerry's.
healthy yum yum
its so tiring to upload.
ming,shuxin,me,clare,salt
test shot
top:me, shuxin, clarebottom:ming, salt, aunty
ming shuxin me clare salt
eskimo me, clare, shuxin. it was super cold!bbq night
its actualy really dark but my flash is blindingabit of salt, shuxin,me, ming
aunty holding up the torch for us so that we can see our food.
salt and light.
shuxin and me -chapel st
extra happy shot of me. because the food smells really good!
me and josh. trying to capture the church bldg behind.but our faces are too big.
me and salt at oporto's. i loveee cheeken
another eskimo shot of me. trying to cook/pretending to cook.
withdrawal symptoms
on the train tracks on a cold dark night.
shuxin's masterpiece
its so surreal being back home.
i woke up this morning expecting to find myself on the sofa bed shivering from the cold. instead i find myself here warm and snug in sg. i miss them already.
i couldn't post all the pictures on flickr coz there was just too many. i'll post the highlights here instead...
home.
day after our crazy bbq in the cold and dark thing:
woke up. went to monash with shuxin. attended lecture. fell asleep in the library (as usual) .went home to pick aunty up for lunch.found a lost dog. tried to find the dog's home.assumed house at the corner is its home. knocked on the door. owner's not home. unlatched the gate and let the dog in. satisfied thinking we foundthe right place. talked to the neighbours. found out it wassn't house at the corner's dog. panicked somewhat. but went for lunch anyway.
then the rest of the day flew by with me heading downtown to do last min shopping without getting lost and caregrp at night.
den thenxt day it was time to fly home.
and as if you all can get anymore surprised....tadah!
i puked on the plane and fainted after that.
i woke up to find myself with my legs propped high and an oxygen mask over my face. and curious onlookers from other seats staring. yah
but don't worry im ok now.
will post pictures in flikr soon..
woke up. went to monash with shuxin. attended lecture. fell asleep in the library (as usual) .went home to pick aunty up for lunch.found a lost dog. tried to find the dog's home.assumed house at the corner is its home. knocked on the door. owner's not home. unlatched the gate and let the dog in. satisfied thinking we foundthe right place. talked to the neighbours. found out it wassn't house at the corner's dog. panicked somewhat. but went for lunch anyway.
then the rest of the day flew by with me heading downtown to do last min shopping without getting lost and caregrp at night.
den thenxt day it was time to fly home.
and as if you all can get anymore surprised....tadah!
i puked on the plane and fainted after that.
i woke up to find myself with my legs propped high and an oxygen mask over my face. and curious onlookers from other seats staring. yah
but don't worry im ok now.
will post pictures in flikr soon..
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
2nd last night
time really flies. i had the greatest day yet and i'm so thankful to God for todya. had the time of my life laughing with great people. its been a long while since i actually laughed till my tummy aches.
and when that happened, i could almost see God smile. coz i know how much i ache His heart when i'm glum.
we had dinner tonight in almost pitch darkness if not for torchlights in the park in the cold. dinner was great but the company was fantastic.
i really don't wanto go home. the people here are fantastic and i haven't hung out in a group that i'm so comfortable with for ages.
and when that happened, i could almost see God smile. coz i know how much i ache His heart when i'm glum.
we had dinner tonight in almost pitch darkness if not for torchlights in the park in the cold. dinner was great but the company was fantastic.
i really don't wanto go home. the people here are fantastic and i haven't hung out in a group that i'm so comfortable with for ages.
ancient ruins
the lord brought me on a tour of ancient ruins in this trip. here in melbourne, not in angkor wat or rome. i saw how the events of the past shaped my present wrong attitudes and wept bitterly over them.
just when i couldn't feel more broken, He gave me words of life that teleported me right back to the cross, to HIm- the giver and source of life and allowed the liberty bell to ring so loudly i still smile with great grattitude and joy when i hear them.
how beautiful. thank you Jesus.
I really see the necessity and God's hand over this trip. He's been nothing short of real to me and giving me great fellowship and prayer..allowing me to break in the quiet sanctuary where trusted people are around. and for that, i'm so thankful.
then He restores and whips me back into a hurricane of joy. it's like a chocalate fountain. beautiful molten and sweet. infused with love. i know its notjust an endorphin rush but a true steady stream of peace and joy. true richness of life.
it's not just about waking up to a cool morning, birds chirping and friendly stranger that makes life here great. the true key lies in the fact that everything here forces me into the quiet with Him while i confront all the knots in my soul (and despair over them) before i cry out in sheer desperation for Him to unknot me.
There's nothing i want more than to be an avenue for him to shine through to bring GREAT glory to His name. I used to think about it so conciously and m issed the simple truth that God gets the great glory when i'm happy and enjoying Him..when i can smile in a storm and let Him live His life through me. Its nto about achievements or merits and the conquests won in His name. It's about truly acknowledging that ''it is no longer i who live but Christ who lives in me''.
the great divine exchange of His death for my zoe life.
=)
**
selah.
just when i couldn't feel more broken, He gave me words of life that teleported me right back to the cross, to HIm- the giver and source of life and allowed the liberty bell to ring so loudly i still smile with great grattitude and joy when i hear them.
how beautiful. thank you Jesus.
I really see the necessity and God's hand over this trip. He's been nothing short of real to me and giving me great fellowship and prayer..allowing me to break in the quiet sanctuary where trusted people are around. and for that, i'm so thankful.
then He restores and whips me back into a hurricane of joy. it's like a chocalate fountain. beautiful molten and sweet. infused with love. i know its notjust an endorphin rush but a true steady stream of peace and joy. true richness of life.
it's not just about waking up to a cool morning, birds chirping and friendly stranger that makes life here great. the true key lies in the fact that everything here forces me into the quiet with Him while i confront all the knots in my soul (and despair over them) before i cry out in sheer desperation for Him to unknot me.
There's nothing i want more than to be an avenue for him to shine through to bring GREAT glory to His name. I used to think about it so conciously and m issed the simple truth that God gets the great glory when i'm happy and enjoying Him..when i can smile in a storm and let Him live His life through me. Its nto about achievements or merits and the conquests won in His name. It's about truly acknowledging that ''it is no longer i who live but Christ who lives in me''.
the great divine exchange of His death for my zoe life.
=)
**
selah.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
oops she did it again.
most of you prob won't be very surprised.
but i got lost today. a-g-a-i-n.
i went from the usual point a to point b. but i took the wrong train. right platform. wrong train.
so i ended up somewhere far far away.
and i called my mum at the said place called cheltonham and i just couldn't stop laughing (at myself). it was so ulu mulu i was like in another country.
shuxin just went 'again?!' when she heard of my latest lost predicament.nobody is surprised.
but i managed to get back on my own. the strong melbourne winds blew me back. and yes, i lost weight. jeans are loose.
i don't miss home so much anymore except isaac. but i really like the life here. even though i always get lost. every single time...but i've been chatting up random strangers and exchanging emails and stuff. i really like it here. people are so friendly and ican afford to be friendly as well because if u did the same in sg, people will just shoot you a 'siao' look and walk hurriedly away.
will post more pictures soon. dinner today was great. aunty cooked some oxtail stew thing and i ate alot alot of rice. so happy and full. *rubs belly*
can't wait to post pictures. very few of me really..but i forgot to bring my cable.
bbq at the park tomorrow! we have a heated grill thing and a cooler and clean public toilets. shuxin was saying actually we cld pretend to be homeless and camp there too. i'm excited!food and company's going to be great...
yay i know i bore you all these days with my style of disjointed writing but that's pretty much how i am now. s-l-eee-p-y. getting lost takes alot of energy and strength esp when your bags are really heaveee.
but i got lost today. a-g-a-i-n.
i went from the usual point a to point b. but i took the wrong train. right platform. wrong train.
so i ended up somewhere far far away.
and i called my mum at the said place called cheltonham and i just couldn't stop laughing (at myself). it was so ulu mulu i was like in another country.
shuxin just went 'again?!' when she heard of my latest lost predicament.nobody is surprised.
but i managed to get back on my own. the strong melbourne winds blew me back. and yes, i lost weight. jeans are loose.
i don't miss home so much anymore except isaac. but i really like the life here. even though i always get lost. every single time...but i've been chatting up random strangers and exchanging emails and stuff. i really like it here. people are so friendly and ican afford to be friendly as well because if u did the same in sg, people will just shoot you a 'siao' look and walk hurriedly away.
will post more pictures soon. dinner today was great. aunty cooked some oxtail stew thing and i ate alot alot of rice. so happy and full. *rubs belly*
can't wait to post pictures. very few of me really..but i forgot to bring my cable.
bbq at the park tomorrow! we have a heated grill thing and a cooler and clean public toilets. shuxin was saying actually we cld pretend to be homeless and camp there too. i'm excited!food and company's going to be great...
yay i know i bore you all these days with my style of disjointed writing but that's pretty much how i am now. s-l-eee-p-y. getting lost takes alot of energy and strength esp when your bags are really heaveee.
Monday, September 18, 2006
updates from melbourne
shuxin's trying to change me in 8 days.
she thinks i'm too small and unhealthy coz all i eat is junk and i don't even exercise.
so if i go back even skinnier because i refuse to eat the food she tries to feed me, please tie some weights or i'll fly off.
its been pretty awesome here. a personal retreat of sorts. been out visiting her friends for dinners and had nice fellowship.
sunday saw me going to two churches having wonderful spirit filled experiences in the lordand meeting up with even more believers.
jon, if u're reading this i met alot of your friends. and they're really sweet. i wish i brought gifts but now u'll just have to help me convey the msgs.
also went around town on my own. yes, i only got slightly lost. the incidence of that happening is already alot less than previous years so yah..improvement is really good.
didn't do much touristy stuff this time so there was not much pictures to take except pictures of me with people and me doing the stuff we do here..such as...
baking at 10pm. only to realise we don't have eggs at 1030 and driving to the supermarket to pick up the eggs and bake all the way to 4 am.
will post pics ofmy creations really soon. cherished pictures because its the only and last time u'll fidn me baking.its too tiring. we brought it to church the next day and 4 boys ate it dutifully. for that, i'm thankful. was saying that if the review was good...my market value will finally surge after being stagnant for so many years. wish i cld send the products over for isaac's tastebuds but oh well.
we also went out in the cold dark night and laid on the grass to admire the stars. and freeze myself.yes...the fat burning proceess really accelerated in the cold cozmy jeans are now loose. pray for me. that the wind doesn't blow too hard....then shuxin insisted we walked illegally across the traintracks and the super kiasi me who doesn't even usually jaywalk did just that. inthe dark when i cld possibly have tripped over gravel and fell.
thats about it so far.
update again soon.
missing you all.
[heard its been raining back in sg. its really warm here int he day when its not supposed to be.sorry...i brought the sunshine over.]
she thinks i'm too small and unhealthy coz all i eat is junk and i don't even exercise.
so if i go back even skinnier because i refuse to eat the food she tries to feed me, please tie some weights or i'll fly off.
its been pretty awesome here. a personal retreat of sorts. been out visiting her friends for dinners and had nice fellowship.
sunday saw me going to two churches having wonderful spirit filled experiences in the lordand meeting up with even more believers.
jon, if u're reading this i met alot of your friends. and they're really sweet. i wish i brought gifts but now u'll just have to help me convey the msgs.
also went around town on my own. yes, i only got slightly lost. the incidence of that happening is already alot less than previous years so yah..improvement is really good.
didn't do much touristy stuff this time so there was not much pictures to take except pictures of me with people and me doing the stuff we do here..such as...
baking at 10pm. only to realise we don't have eggs at 1030 and driving to the supermarket to pick up the eggs and bake all the way to 4 am.
will post pics ofmy creations really soon. cherished pictures because its the only and last time u'll fidn me baking.its too tiring. we brought it to church the next day and 4 boys ate it dutifully. for that, i'm thankful. was saying that if the review was good...my market value will finally surge after being stagnant for so many years. wish i cld send the products over for isaac's tastebuds but oh well.
we also went out in the cold dark night and laid on the grass to admire the stars. and freeze myself.yes...the fat burning proceess really accelerated in the cold cozmy jeans are now loose. pray for me. that the wind doesn't blow too hard....then shuxin insisted we walked illegally across the traintracks and the super kiasi me who doesn't even usually jaywalk did just that. inthe dark when i cld possibly have tripped over gravel and fell.
thats about it so far.
update again soon.
missing you all.
[heard its been raining back in sg. its really warm here int he day when its not supposed to be.sorry...i brought the sunshine over.]
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
overflow [of tears]
please don't call me during this period. overseas calls are expensive and i'll pass you the hp bill if you call and possibly delete you off friendster!
i'm not coping well. iknow most of you anticipate this and i hate to prove you right. i'm already crying because i miss him so so much. i'm already refusing to go. tmr will be a huge challenge to shove me through the departure gates. once again.
shuxin be warned. prepare ice and cucumber for my eyes pls. thanks. and direct me to the nearest place i can get a calling card.
i'm not coping well. i refuse to pack in my last item of clothing-pyjamas. i miss him so much. jon just called to give me his melb contact and i just bawled into the phone. not good. at all.and he wazznt even sympathetic. he just laughed.
good friend. but i still wanto scream 'INSENSITIVE MEN!'
i'll get over it by and by. when i am truly over it, i'll be on the plane back home and i'll be crying because i miss melbourne so much.
such is me. what to do?
i'm not coping well. iknow most of you anticipate this and i hate to prove you right. i'm already crying because i miss him so so much. i'm already refusing to go. tmr will be a huge challenge to shove me through the departure gates. once again.
shuxin be warned. prepare ice and cucumber for my eyes pls. thanks. and direct me to the nearest place i can get a calling card.
i'm not coping well. i refuse to pack in my last item of clothing-pyjamas. i miss him so much. jon just called to give me his melb contact and i just bawled into the phone. not good. at all.and he wazznt even sympathetic. he just laughed.
good friend. but i still wanto scream 'INSENSITIVE MEN!'
i'll get over it by and by. when i am truly over it, i'll be on the plane back home and i'll be crying because i miss melbourne so much.
such is me. what to do?
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
wishlist
i need...
1)to feel like a princess.
2)to be able to cry in peace.
3)to feel loved
4)affection
5)tourguide
1)to feel like a princess.
2)to be able to cry in peace.
3)to feel loved
4)affection
5)tourguide
pamper me
i just wanto bawl and i don't care whos looking at how ugly i am when i do.
i don't care abt shedding tears in dignity in private. reinhard bonke always said 'dignity is not a fruit of the spirit'. and i admit once and for all that i've NEVER succeeded at sophistication.
i feel so stretched being sick, hard pressed at work and slated to fly off in two days. i wanto throw my head back in laughter instead. and laugh till my tummy aches. not because of diarrhoea which i am afflicted with now.
most of all, i wanto take control of my time.especially when my doctor has ordered complete rest but the calls never quite cease.
i am in a horribly spoilt mood and not handling the situation as well as wisdom would. i'm insisting on my demands and kicking when they are not met.
i wanto cry in someone's arms.
yours preferably.
"dream a little dream for me
in hopes that i remain
cry a little cry for me
so i can bear the flame
hurt a little hurt for me
my future is untold"
i don't care abt shedding tears in dignity in private. reinhard bonke always said 'dignity is not a fruit of the spirit'. and i admit once and for all that i've NEVER succeeded at sophistication.
i feel so stretched being sick, hard pressed at work and slated to fly off in two days. i wanto throw my head back in laughter instead. and laugh till my tummy aches. not because of diarrhoea which i am afflicted with now.
most of all, i wanto take control of my time.especially when my doctor has ordered complete rest but the calls never quite cease.
i am in a horribly spoilt mood and not handling the situation as well as wisdom would. i'm insisting on my demands and kicking when they are not met.
i wanto cry in someone's arms.
yours preferably.
"dream a little dream for me
in hopes that i remain
cry a little cry for me
so i can bear the flame
hurt a little hurt for me
my future is untold"
Sunday, September 10, 2006
indignant
rhetorical questions in the bible
1) What then shall we say to these things/ if God is for us, who can be against us?
2)He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
3)Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies
4)Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand for us, who also makes intercession for us.
5)who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness, or peril or sword?
pls take time to answer these questions and fill yourself up to the brim with nothing but joy and thanksgiving. thats a true purification of the soul. at least it was so for me.
God's been nudging me all day to check up rhetorical questions asked in the bible.i didn't..until now. was not in the mood to study coz i didn't think it was relevant. didn't realise how the solution to the problem i was facing was just right there in between the lines. =)
i love the indignance in Paul when he threw out these questions. and i smile when i think about the answers. Paul spoke from a position of authority and that came from knowing the answers to the above mentioned questions. How these answers, entrenched in His spirit gave him the power to overcome all that he was going through. it was a mockery, a perdition to the enemy. whoever was trying to deal him with a devastating blow thinking that the circumstances could crush his spirit was dealt with an even more devastating blow- yet another enforcement of his own defeat.
shout hallehlujah!
**
church today was awesome and the simplicity of the msg and the power that came with it shone light into the deepest darkest corners of my soul. its the first time i was preached to by a black pastor and the congregation's fervour and love for the lord was just infectious. the joy of the people flowed with every song they uttered and honestly, now i think i finally saw a glimpse of true worship.
its such a privilege to be caught in the midst of their raw infectious faith. and i realise they had what i never had. the raw spirit of indignance like paul. sure, their challenges are different but they overcome with a spirit that i never had. a determination that is so strong they will not bow to anything except to the Lord Jesus christ. for a nation that is deemed 'third world' , i felt that they were richer than any man on the street here in own homeland. the richness of their soul was a stark contrast to the emptiness we city-dwellers face.
i love them so much and the msg spoke right through my soul.
God really sent them all the way just to speak to me. and for that i'm thankful. i''m no longer surprised when someone comes all the way todeliver a message to set me free from a particular bondage. God came in the flesh himself afterall from heaven to earth.
one day,i'll do the same for someone else out there.yipee!
1) What then shall we say to these things/ if God is for us, who can be against us?
2)He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
3)Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies
4)Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand for us, who also makes intercession for us.
5)who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness, or peril or sword?
pls take time to answer these questions and fill yourself up to the brim with nothing but joy and thanksgiving. thats a true purification of the soul. at least it was so for me.
God's been nudging me all day to check up rhetorical questions asked in the bible.i didn't..until now. was not in the mood to study coz i didn't think it was relevant. didn't realise how the solution to the problem i was facing was just right there in between the lines. =)
i love the indignance in Paul when he threw out these questions. and i smile when i think about the answers. Paul spoke from a position of authority and that came from knowing the answers to the above mentioned questions. How these answers, entrenched in His spirit gave him the power to overcome all that he was going through. it was a mockery, a perdition to the enemy. whoever was trying to deal him with a devastating blow thinking that the circumstances could crush his spirit was dealt with an even more devastating blow- yet another enforcement of his own defeat.
shout hallehlujah!
**
church today was awesome and the simplicity of the msg and the power that came with it shone light into the deepest darkest corners of my soul. its the first time i was preached to by a black pastor and the congregation's fervour and love for the lord was just infectious. the joy of the people flowed with every song they uttered and honestly, now i think i finally saw a glimpse of true worship.
its such a privilege to be caught in the midst of their raw infectious faith. and i realise they had what i never had. the raw spirit of indignance like paul. sure, their challenges are different but they overcome with a spirit that i never had. a determination that is so strong they will not bow to anything except to the Lord Jesus christ. for a nation that is deemed 'third world' , i felt that they were richer than any man on the street here in own homeland. the richness of their soul was a stark contrast to the emptiness we city-dwellers face.
i love them so much and the msg spoke right through my soul.
God really sent them all the way just to speak to me. and for that i'm thankful. i''m no longer surprised when someone comes all the way todeliver a message to set me free from a particular bondage. God came in the flesh himself afterall from heaven to earth.
one day,i'll do the same for someone else out there.yipee!
Saturday, September 09, 2006
this week..
i'm leaving in 4 days!
i'mtrying not to be reminded about the giant pile of work i still have to clear, the packing i have to do. the people i leave behind.i'll miss my mum all over again even though sometimes i can't wait to break free from her. such is the irony of life.
this week i finally realised how proud of her i really am. and how i want her to be proud of me as well. so far the only inherent talent i boast is the phenomenon of eating a lot and not grow fat and shitting alot as a result of eating alot.
God's been more than an amazing father to us as well. seeing how my mum has metamorphasized into someone entirely different revelling in the His glory and love brings immeasurable comfort to my otherwise worry-sick soul of unbelief. i don't know how and i don't know when but the miracle took place.
now i'm eagerly pressing in and harassing God to do a mighty miracle with me as well. i'm currently a patchwork of unsightly drapes and i need an overhaul in my life, from inside out.
help me Jesus.
**
in the past week i've had two strange dreams: me taking a bus from sg to melb. and duty free not having the cosmetic dept anymore.
was most distressing.
clearly i've been more than very stressed and its been taking quite a huge toll on my personal life. this break away from all that sg is to me will be quite appreciated. for my sanity.thank u Jesus. i look forward to meeting people i havent seen for a long time, the food just time away from the hustle and bustle.
i'm clearly not very coherent right now. i just surived more than 3 hrs in a hairdresser's. i just hope its worth it and i wun have to cut my hair anymore for the next year or so. i'm so tired (and lazy).
"i have made you too small in my eyes
oh lord, forgive me
and i have believed in a lie
that you were unable to help me"
-don moen's be magnified.
"all my regrets, all my acclaim
my joy and my pain
i give them to you
lord i offer my life to you
everything i've been through
use it for your glory
lord i offer my days to you
lifting my praise to you
as a living sacrifice
lord i offer you my life''
i'mtrying not to be reminded about the giant pile of work i still have to clear, the packing i have to do. the people i leave behind.i'll miss my mum all over again even though sometimes i can't wait to break free from her. such is the irony of life.
this week i finally realised how proud of her i really am. and how i want her to be proud of me as well. so far the only inherent talent i boast is the phenomenon of eating a lot and not grow fat and shitting alot as a result of eating alot.
God's been more than an amazing father to us as well. seeing how my mum has metamorphasized into someone entirely different revelling in the His glory and love brings immeasurable comfort to my otherwise worry-sick soul of unbelief. i don't know how and i don't know when but the miracle took place.
now i'm eagerly pressing in and harassing God to do a mighty miracle with me as well. i'm currently a patchwork of unsightly drapes and i need an overhaul in my life, from inside out.
help me Jesus.
**
in the past week i've had two strange dreams: me taking a bus from sg to melb. and duty free not having the cosmetic dept anymore.
was most distressing.
clearly i've been more than very stressed and its been taking quite a huge toll on my personal life. this break away from all that sg is to me will be quite appreciated. for my sanity.thank u Jesus. i look forward to meeting people i havent seen for a long time, the food just time away from the hustle and bustle.
i'm clearly not very coherent right now. i just surived more than 3 hrs in a hairdresser's. i just hope its worth it and i wun have to cut my hair anymore for the next year or so. i'm so tired (and lazy).
"i have made you too small in my eyes
oh lord, forgive me
and i have believed in a lie
that you were unable to help me"
-don moen's be magnified.
"all my regrets, all my acclaim
my joy and my pain
i give them to you
lord i offer my life to you
everything i've been through
use it for your glory
lord i offer my days to you
lifting my praise to you
as a living sacrifice
lord i offer you my life''
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