mei ling sent me a song about crying to sleep.
and that triggered so many memories about the times i did so. and how my heart felt like it was broken beyond repair. and the events and people who broke my heart. and broke me.
the good news is i've risen from the ashes each time. like a phoenix. even though every single time i thought there is simply no way i can ever stand up again. because the hurt cuts too deep and i'm only too weak. sometimes the entire healing process takes a day and i wake up the nxt day feeling silly for being such a cry baby. other times, it takes years.
i never was the same again after each episode and every single one altered my life and changed its course. but God was faithful through every single episode. and showed me the power of resurrection in my own life even when i think i'm beyond the grip of His grace.
sometimes when these events resurface in my mind, i still feel a tinge of sadness but i rejoice knowing how God won't waste a single tear i shed and every shred of hurt inflicted , actively turning it around for good. for that i'm so thankful.
its ok if the people never apologised or continue to live in ignorance of hurting me while i struggled to live in denial that i was indeed tremendously hurt. i don't seek an apology or a reconciliation. i'm just thankful God took carved you out of the memory of hurt that i have of you and today i'm free to exhale and inhale love.
maybe if i'd made it known and be brave enough to admit my pain, things would have healed faster. but i never do. i put on a false front and stay so strong den crumble and die inside. i havent arrived at the place where i can be completely vulnerable before human beings so if you've hurt me, unwittingly or not....excuse me while i go drench my pillow with tears.
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