yay!

had yet another frustrating encounter that resulted in me hitting the roof and fuming and fuming and fuming and exploding. i would like to ridicule and go on and be merciless abt how dumb somethings can turn out all because of some people who don't think.

but thank God i did not hv the final say because Jesus was lording over the situation even though i thought that a big problem has just been churned out for me to solve. for me to handle. it came from hell but now its mine to handle and its all XXX's fault.

He's such an awesome savior. he takes care of every detail.

i honestly wanted to have the final say. to condemn to go on being angry to assign blame. but that was not His best way at all. instead He is teaching me to be still and watch Him at work with this problem. its a humbling breaking process all right. i echo these words of steve mcvey..."in the breaking process, God has no intention of helping you get stronger. he wants you to become so weak that he can express himself as the strength you need in every situation"

i think its awesome. its amazing. but its a painful process alright. i don't deny that and many times, when i think i have my hands full on problems already, more come. it never ends and as i try endlessly to put out each fire that the devil starts, another one arises and burns even harder. it drives me to despair and anger. in these moments, i am so incensed with the whole world. even God. why is no one lifting a finger to help and making everything worse for me.

yet He is still there smiling.coz He knows i'm almost there. at the point where HE can have full reign in my life. do as He wishes with me acknowledging that my efforts ALL COME to nought and that only He can clear up the mess i so detest. ONLY him alone.

i really am almost there. today's incident propelled me even further in that direction. its not my care not my problem but His. i am His responsibility anyway and the devil cannot steer me in the direction of self sufficiency anymore. there is a reason i am not God. and thats that.

i am simply very self deficient.

my inward man is seeing signs of release and that is reason to rejoice!

"guilty vile and helpless we...spotless lamb of God was he. full atonement can it be? hallehlujah! what a savior!"