13 and 30.

Last night was a real blast. (from the past)

It was nice to see so many familiar faces again at yet another wedding. It seems like weddings is the perfect excuse for everyone to meet again. We haven't had a wedding in awhile with most of us already wedded/already having kids etc.

The comment I got the most often was "you look the same!!" I didn't know what to feel about that. Was I really looking so old as a 13 year old or do I look awfully pre-pubescent as a 30 year old? Deep down, we all know I relate better to the 30 year old with occasional mood vacillating towards the 13 year old.

I saw an old friend that was my "partner in crime" in sec 2. We copied each other's homework and to be honest, she was the "badder" influence. :p We smuggled magazines under the table to read during lessons and spent so much time talking about boys and all after school hours on the phone.

Then something happened and we "broke up" (in the words of M). It must have been trivial but I can be heartless in a sense because I have her neither on Facebook or in my phone address book. I distinctly remember deleting her number when she texted me. For awhile, I wanted to spend the night avoiding her by hiding behind a gigantic centrepiece (it was about 1 m tall) so we were really playing the whole indian dance game. Think bollywood movie. Everytime she moved left, I moved right. At some point, at around the 5th dish out of 10 courses, the waiter changed the centrepiece to be one that's akin to a bed of roses. How can I not predict that the bride, being a Chanel centrepiece herself would adorn the place Chanel-themed and do the Chanel roses thing?!

So I was exposed from my vulnerable place of hiding and mustered up enough courage to shuffle my feet 50 cm to where she was seated. Yes, we were at the very same table and I think we talked sufficiently to make peace. She introduced me to her two year old daughter as "mummy's old friend" and I gushed (sincerely) at how well she speaks for a 2 year old and how really, she is an exact replica of her mummy.

I made the decision because of only one reason. I cannot predict what happens tomorrow and I really don't want to live a life of petty regrets on my deathbed. Neither do I want to be associated with being petty.

I doubt we'll be best friends ever again in this lifetime because life just coursed us in too different trajectories but I won't rule it out. I don't quite miss her if I have to be perfectly honest. The last ten years got by just fine without her and that scares me because...I can be so close to one person for a protracted period of time and I never thought I was the heartless creature that I am to completely obliterate them from my consciousness years later.

Despite everything, a lot of these friends have shared wonderful memories with me. They created the best memories of my adolescence and I should honour them for that even though some of us are timezones and continents apart.

Life can be so unpredictable I don't want my or their last memory of me to be a bitter squabble over nothing. They are to be cherished because the sum of these memories make me who I am.

"Down through the years our memories will keep a loving place

For friendships made and pleasures shared, and lessons learned apace.

For those who worked and gave their best that we might learn to face

The trials of life and faith and hope and nobly run the race."

Mgs will always be home and where I spent some of the best years of my life. Good old mgs. If I could ever time travel, despite the daunting O levels, I would go back to the years of 1996-1999.