urgh

complications have risen in my life. i don't know at all how to handle them. i am in conflict..with..myself.

while i want to be alone and shut the world out...the reason that propelled this desire is because i've been feeling so ..alone in the midst of all the mayhem. i just need some form of refuge.seek political asylum. i relive the war era in my house everyday...every waking moment that exists under this roof i am supposed to call home is filled with unrest.

why do i still call them family when there is so little love? when we fight for survival...with each other...i dont' understand and i never will. not that i want to but i think its high time some dicipline is enforced and despite repeated appeals to the high court be it God or the church, little is done and the tyrant gets away. caught up in all the deception and being the wonderful ally of the enemy...succeeding in aggravating every bad situation and just basically, tear everyone else down.

its a constant fight living in such an environment and i really can't wait to be rid of this. its even easier to sleep on a table in a crowded fast food restaurant on a sat afternoon than in this very house because warfare is raging all the time. accusations and all...in full gory.

with a parent like this, one truly darzen need enemies.

i think i'll put myself up for adoption. but considering i just turned 21...this might be just a tad difficult.