Help! We need domestic help!

Had another hard night (now, what is new?) and I slept at the oddest angle, somewhat on my side, somewhat on my back but not completely flat.

I thought I'd stay in today despite the fact that the part-time helper was in. I usually make specific efforts to escape her as she tends to over-clean and not allow me to walk around the house. A few times, I walked to and fro from bedroom to the kitchen and she literally mopped every step that I walked on. I felt like I was dirtying HER house and after awhile, I just stayed in bed until she left.

She also broke the news to me, last minute that she won't be working for me at all after sept 4th (less than 2 weeks away). I panicked. The last time, she took off for 6 weeks while I was already pregnant leaving me with no time at all and a simple last minute notice to get help. I lived through it and thought we would keep her still because it is extremely hard to hire and also because her general working attitude has been pretty good. Also, she told us she had real financial difficulties so we kept her job.

This time round, she told me not to worry about her livelihood if I were to choose to hire a full-time helper. This has been on our minds since a few months back but it was a futile and fruitless search for the right one. I panicked and used my afternoon at home to call up agencies frantically. No one said they could give me anyone at short notice and I thought I'd settle for waiting at least 6-8 weeks for approval while combing through scores of bio-data in the meantime. I was calling, hanging up, waiting for emails, going through each line and then calling again. I felt NOTHING and I knew I wasn't looking for the perfect angel with a halo but they didn't feel right, at all. Hard to put a finger on it.

Then I saw one. I'm still not 100% sure if I'm right but the profile sounds very very close to what our requirements are and what we can afford! Thought it was too good to be true and then I called the agency up to express my interest, expecting to wait 2 months (Oct, just a month or so before I pop) and the agent happily exclaimed that she can reach us from Yangon by Sept 9th! I was elated and from the looks of it, we might confirm the deal by 3pm tomorrow and get the documentation process to start.

It is quite a huge gamble and leap of faith because for the Burmese domestic helpers, there's almost no way you can video conference to interview them. I was very open to Filipinos but none of the candidates worked out. In fact, I was rejected by a few because I couldn't meet their requirements! We had no big fancy house with ensuite for them to live in and one of the key job description was to take care of a new born! So many people shun that.

Really hoping this works out and I'll update hopefully with good news!

**
On another note, most people that are close to me know that one of my main gripes is the bias towards males in our Asian society. No matter how advanced we think we are, the antiquated patriarchal bias towards males is very much prevalent and this results in many many unfair treatment of females.

When we got pregnant, we were so happy we didn't have a gender preference. Then, people started envying out loud that it was a male. It irked me and I didn't say much other than both genders have their merits and ideally, I would like to have a girl and a boy. It seemed like the complete polictically correct answer and I'm not a very PC person but I really meant that!

Then yesterday, while buying pizza at a store, two senior ladies came to me and started to chat out of the blue. They started complaining about how they thought they were expecting sons but ended up daughters instead. Although not explicitly expressed in words, they hinted that they felt short-changed. I was flabbergasted and couldn't imagine how "loved" their daughters must have felt being so unwelcome in their family with the knowledge that they were the last choice on their parents' list.

THEN, my helper started telling me today how having a boy is so much better. I nearly flippped. She doesn't have a daughter and spoils her son silly and when I asked how exactly it was "better", she couldn't answer. She just said in chinese that one can pretty much afford to not have daughters but not sons. I was livid by then!

I am thankful that baby is so celebrated but it hurts me to know that my child will be less celebrated as long as he doesn't line up with what people want. This also hit too close to the heart because I'm a second tier citizen in my own family with the boys clearly leading the pack and getting the best of everything. There was a lot of unfair treatment then and it still happens now even though my younger brother is already 20. He has on many occasions voiced out at the unfairness and I appreciate that because many others just assume their place of false supremacy and superiority.

I know my mum in particular will drop everything for my brother while I would not even stand a chance in this 2 people queue. (I got there 11 years earlier).

I really hope that society truly progresses and more families love their daughters well and stop seeing them through those horribly scratched-with-prejudice lenses. The older generation already got it so wrong and yet, this generation perpetuates it. It is a vicious cycle and this school of thought must be abolished.

I'm super blessed and grateful for my son and nothing can undo that. I knew I loved him even before I knew the gender, knew I loved him even before I conceived him and have dreamt a thousand dreams of him. I guess this is what they call unconditional and sadly, unconditional love is going extinct.