today is one day i came so close to bursting into tears many many times throughout the day. i don't know which was more difficult- holding back the floodgates when the torrent of tears were welling up or fighting the hopelessness caused by the situation.
everything seems to be sliding down into a dark dark abyss and i feel utterly depleted of strength when it comes into fighting the battle against hopelessness.
if hope deferred makes the heart sick, i'm there now. i feel so sick right down in my spirit and i don't know how to climb out. and its so difficult trying to be still and wait ...and let him be God when everything inside me is rebelling against that. but nonetheless i have no choice, coz i'm truly utterly powerless this time round. the circumstances are too big for me and i can only rejoice that they're not too big for God.
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