been quite down lately due to work and i found all my prayers centered around work. i hoped against hope that things will go 'my way' and clung on to 'hope will not disappoint'.
until i realised that i wassn't going to God for God (again) and my hope was placed in the changing of my circumstances in only one specific way. it wassn't an open betterment to other things that God might want to bring about but my own limited perspective of what was good.
and because i was gently nudged by Him to be open to other things without being informed specifically what its about...i sunk into a state of hopelessness coz i immediately assumed the worse. and because i could no longer place my hope in that one scenario that i can fantasize about in my head , i now had nothing to grasp to except my loving but invisible God who is ever full of surprises and ...
yah i got very upset.
i like to be told in advance. i like to know what to expect. i'm not big on surprises. i'd rather be sure even if it means there's no room in my heart for faith.
but fortunately or unfortunately, He managed to break that part of me and here i am, hoping against hope, for i don't know what except that my God is bigger than my circumstances and will surely come through for me.
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