The way we mend

sometimes the best way to mend is to start from scratch, square one and tear down all the ruins. from the inside out and create something brand new, abolish the old completely until not a trace of it remains. many architects would attest to that...that its easier to build a building than restore it.

so many times i need to be nothing and empty myself out before God can even move a finger. i don't know what it says about me and the mess i've created but His decision is what i'll eventually go with. afterall, He being God...makes it difficult for me to have a different opinion.

sometimes the hardest thing for me is to admit i've been wrong in the small things. big things, just admit it but to find myself at fault for the small things that should be entitled to every human living flesh by virtue of residence in this sin sick world, is very very difficult. God may understand the root cause of my tantrum and bratty behaviour but nothing justifies it. what i choose to do later on after i've been unjustly treated by a lousy colleague is entirely up to me. while the initial offender was wrong, i have no business in perpetuating the offense.

sometimes i really see God as a 'rag and bone' person for taking me in when i really really see myself decrepit and depleted of any form of beauty. its a disgusting sight and i am inclined to despair. i don't know if theres potential in me but if hope is to be found in Him and His famous line is "with God, nothing is impossible", i'll cling on to that.

i see the blood of Jesus and the work it has done in cleansing sin and reconciling me to God. now , i just need a deep work of the spirit until His beauty is oneness in me, thought deed through and through. coz the battle with me is not over...until i die completely, God can never truly come alive in me.

lately you've been all blue sky
and i've been rain
i don't mean to bust up your party
with all of my pain
but sometimes my shadows surround me
and you take me in your arms and say
its the way we mend
we tear it all down and we'll start it again
and i don't know how but you find me where we begin
and thats just the way, the way that we mend
its just that some voices remind me
i'm not strong enough
to put all my demons behind me
and carry this love
but just like an angel of mercy
you take me by my hand and say
they're pouring out
from my mouth
so many words all spoken wrong
but you come alive
and somehow i find my way

-Bebo Norman, (somehow he always has the words to describe my turmoils)