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i am by no means on a spiritual high of any sort
nor am i remotely encouraged
i am fraught with fears, stresses i never thought i would have.
i feel alone and at times helpless.
i feel lies penetrating my mind and i don't want to be stuck in the rut of confusion
deep down inside, i know God is good. very good. My GOD FOR THAT MATTER BECAUSE HIS NAME IS JESUS CHRIST. and i don't want anyone to come to me giving any other alternative impression. if i have what it takes to crush any demon, i'll do what it takes to shut the gap that attempts to make me think otherwise up. it involves a needle and thread.
these lies are trying to convince me in feeling abandoned. in such a trying time, no human help is needed because it takes everything divine and it has to be THE correct divine source. i'm not trying to psych myself up...i'm just desperately clinging on to every remnant of truth i know while the lies flood and swarm in. i don't even have it in me to pay attention to human encouragement. only He can get through to me now.
the lies oso try to tell me that His way won't work. unfortunately, my only answer to that is that even if it darzen, i don't really have any other way so i got no choice but wait. so shaddup.if these liars insist, they can sit along and wait with me and watch my miracle unfold. yet again.
i want very much to break down and cry but at the very end of the day, i know i'll have the last laugh. i know i'll get to taste victory. it seems far and elusive and impossible even as this point and i wanto throw in the towel and give up very badly but somehow deep inside i know i'll prob end up writing an entry praising God and ranting abt His faithfulness and goodness endlessly.
He paid such a heavy price ...He wun choose to forsake me now.
i tried to forsake Him many many times in this 21 years. didnt work too well. am no fool to repeat the same thing over and over again to expect different results. i'm staying stuck here..and i'm not going to move. Hez gotta move on my behalf. now it looks like nothing is happening coz i'm judging with my human eyes. perfect eyesight maybe but i just can't see through His eyes right now.but i'll wait...
can just hear Him saying this...
you've been lost in the wind
and the rain of a storm at sea
the waves crashing over your back
and you're crying out for me
but as the ocean rages
i am sleeping in the boat
but i have a plan, i'm holding your hand
and i'm keeping you afloat
i'm never gonna let go
my love for you is always true
I'm never gonna lose heart
cause i'm holding on tight to you
should the cruel wind chill your soul
when the world seems out of contro
i'm never gonna let go of you
the day's old, this desert is cold
and a dark cloud covers the truth
fix your eyes on the horizon
the light is breaking through
you are my beloved child
forever in my heart
after the fall and after it all
you're safe within my arms
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