This is the first time I missed Lunar New Year and the worst I've ever had.
Following yesterday's debacle, I'm also very sick. My throat feels I swallowed a cactus and with cactus in place, I couldn't eat/drink much.
In short, I only had my first liquids/solids at 7 pm and was almost faint and delirious. I missed many visits and although I'll be over at the grandparents', I would have missed seeing my cousins.
So yes, I'm not doing well.
It didn't help that after a terrible evening at my in-law's, I landed at home with terrible food poisoning in the middle of the night.
Absolutely miserable is an understatement.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
A new breakthrough.
I am physically a tad worn out but I honestly haven't felt so appreciated and honored for anything in a long time.
I am in such a high state of cloud 9.
I learnt today that not many people set up a whole shop in two months including logistics, training, cash management and operations within days. I did that.
I learnt that apart from my stomach dyspepsia, I am six sizes smaller than what I actually am. Hence, my new clothes purchases are completely justified.
I learnt that my boss, after being an industry veteran for decades and being completely taciturn a man that he is admits that he is learning something from me.
These things made my day.
So yes, the ascent ahead is still tough and challenges still abound but the sense of satisfaction is something I've not tasted in a long time.
I come home to a husband who loves me, plenty of laundry to do, plenty of mess to sort out and battles to prepare for the next few days but really, I cannot help but drop down on my knees and thank God.
Indeed, unless the Lord builds the house, He who labours labours in vain.
Thanking Him for his sustaining grace.
I am in such a high state of cloud 9.
I learnt today that not many people set up a whole shop in two months including logistics, training, cash management and operations within days. I did that.
I learnt that apart from my stomach dyspepsia, I am six sizes smaller than what I actually am. Hence, my new clothes purchases are completely justified.
I learnt that my boss, after being an industry veteran for decades and being completely taciturn a man that he is admits that he is learning something from me.
These things made my day.
So yes, the ascent ahead is still tough and challenges still abound but the sense of satisfaction is something I've not tasted in a long time.
I come home to a husband who loves me, plenty of laundry to do, plenty of mess to sort out and battles to prepare for the next few days but really, I cannot help but drop down on my knees and thank God.
Indeed, unless the Lord builds the house, He who labours labours in vain.
Thanking Him for his sustaining grace.
Evolution in Singapore
All I want to do is shop. At Cos.
When H&M first landed on the shores on a certain sept 16, (Yes I remember momentous dates like these) I waited a few months before the queues abated and bumped into the parents and brother in the snaking queue. Now, there's no queue, a 50% off but time is of the essence here which is the luxury I can't afford.
Whatever necessities, I have resorted to buying online. Right now, I am even contemplating on buying groceries online. I miss the shopping down the aisles and even the queues at the cashiers. The experience beats the convenience hands down. Yes, the clicks are fast and deliveries are getting less tenuous and prompt but....shopping used to be therapeutic, fun and a joint activity. Now, it is relegated to being a relic of an age of long ago, an evolved form to accomodate the hectic lifestyles of the nameless individuals in this fast paced society.
The irony comes from the fact that I work for the retail sector and I need people to be at the stores. Thankfully, my industry is rather insulated as people still prefer to make the trip down, test new offers on their own skin and try before you buy. The experience is not reduced to taking a measuring tape, measuring your own vital stats while zooming in on a visual to make sure that you can save a trip to the post office even if the online store offered "free returns".
I miss the old days and I don't like what singapore is becoming. We were always on the fast track and we saw this day coming from aeons back but now that it is really here, while I am glad I have tasted the sweetness of a life less demanding, I wonder what would become of my children's.
Will they know the joys of watching a movie in a cinema without exhorbitant prices? Will they understand affordability? Will they be satiated with simple pleasures that do not comprise malls and the bags their mum might/might not pass down to them?
When H&M first landed on the shores on a certain sept 16, (Yes I remember momentous dates like these) I waited a few months before the queues abated and bumped into the parents and brother in the snaking queue. Now, there's no queue, a 50% off but time is of the essence here which is the luxury I can't afford.
Whatever necessities, I have resorted to buying online. Right now, I am even contemplating on buying groceries online. I miss the shopping down the aisles and even the queues at the cashiers. The experience beats the convenience hands down. Yes, the clicks are fast and deliveries are getting less tenuous and prompt but....shopping used to be therapeutic, fun and a joint activity. Now, it is relegated to being a relic of an age of long ago, an evolved form to accomodate the hectic lifestyles of the nameless individuals in this fast paced society.
The irony comes from the fact that I work for the retail sector and I need people to be at the stores. Thankfully, my industry is rather insulated as people still prefer to make the trip down, test new offers on their own skin and try before you buy. The experience is not reduced to taking a measuring tape, measuring your own vital stats while zooming in on a visual to make sure that you can save a trip to the post office even if the online store offered "free returns".
I miss the old days and I don't like what singapore is becoming. We were always on the fast track and we saw this day coming from aeons back but now that it is really here, while I am glad I have tasted the sweetness of a life less demanding, I wonder what would become of my children's.
Will they know the joys of watching a movie in a cinema without exhorbitant prices? Will they understand affordability? Will they be satiated with simple pleasures that do not comprise malls and the bags their mum might/might not pass down to them?
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Lost and found.
I had a cousin who spent his first 5 years in my house. His parents were divorced and both had their own set of problems so he was left with us. I was 8 years old when he first arrived in my life. I thought he was the cutest and because I never had any siblings prior and didn't know that my own brother would arrive years later, he was my treasure.
He was the first sibling I ever had.
My parents later refused to be his legal guardian and he was later relinquished to his mother, who struggled to raise him. Today, I met him again for the first time after 17 years and he struggled to remember my name. He shouted "xinying jiejie" (big sister). Even my own brother doesn't address me as that.
The sibling I lost and now found. My blood relative.
A whole cocktail of feelings now whirl in me. It's like an indigestion of thoughts and feelings. I struggled to find the words to say. He dropped out of law while my own brother will soon be doing law. He is now working in a menial position, far from what his potential could achieve, if he had the means. He lost his citizenship here because his mom wasn't singaporean and well..dad couldn't take care of him.
I cannot help but feel sad. No arguments, no words, no point about what could have been. I wasn't my parents and was and still is in no position to judge them for refusing to take him in. I just can't help but feel that we could have made a positive difference if we only allowed ourselves to.
He was the first sibling I ever had.
My parents later refused to be his legal guardian and he was later relinquished to his mother, who struggled to raise him. Today, I met him again for the first time after 17 years and he struggled to remember my name. He shouted "xinying jiejie" (big sister). Even my own brother doesn't address me as that.
The sibling I lost and now found. My blood relative.
A whole cocktail of feelings now whirl in me. It's like an indigestion of thoughts and feelings. I struggled to find the words to say. He dropped out of law while my own brother will soon be doing law. He is now working in a menial position, far from what his potential could achieve, if he had the means. He lost his citizenship here because his mom wasn't singaporean and well..dad couldn't take care of him.
I cannot help but feel sad. No arguments, no words, no point about what could have been. I wasn't my parents and was and still is in no position to judge them for refusing to take him in. I just can't help but feel that we could have made a positive difference if we only allowed ourselves to.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Inter-colonialism
This is a frivolous post.
My french business counter part shops up a storm at a Singaporean label's shop. I shop up the same storm in a (few) french label's shop(s).
#modern #intercolonialism
Husband was helping me shop for Balenciaga bags. I took longer than my usual 15 minutes because they were so expensive. In the end he convinced me that the three colors I shortlisted were not edgy enough. So I went for a darker alternative. It was out of stock.
#conspiracy theory.
#howtogetmetostopshopping
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Jesus is not christian
If I understand Jesus correctly and fully, I would think He isn't christian.
I don't mean that all christians are alike but there is a huge mould that many try to fit into. I try to avoid generalisations but from the little I understand and have experienced with the Savior of the world, He defies so much of what is deemed to be Christianity.
The last thing I want is to spark a debate or make my blog hits increase exponentially because I enjoy the somewhat anonymity and the freedom to verbal diarrhoea every now and then.
If you are offended by this post, get a bubble tea sugar high because I'm not apologising.
I don't mean that all christians are alike but there is a huge mould that many try to fit into. I try to avoid generalisations but from the little I understand and have experienced with the Savior of the world, He defies so much of what is deemed to be Christianity.
The last thing I want is to spark a debate or make my blog hits increase exponentially because I enjoy the somewhat anonymity and the freedom to verbal diarrhoea every now and then.
If you are offended by this post, get a bubble tea sugar high because I'm not apologising.
Lists and self-doubt
Wishlists.
Bucketlist.
Shopping lists.
Too long.
Too little time.
Too little resources.
I feel like I'm underachieving. Actually, I know I am.
I need spectacular numbers. Spectacular, ceteris paribus. I never was the most excellent organised planner around but now I'm in a complete state of disarray.
I used to do 4 cities in 4 days including 12 hour flights, train rides etc. Now, my fingernails seem to grow faster than my thoughts can unravel themselves.
I've been bothered by many things in life and I love my job so much and I fear I don't do well enough to keep it because the bar of expectations is so high and the queue of people waiting for this job is pretty long. I feel so replaceable and insecure.
And the hardest part of the job?
I have to fire someone.
People have called me Thor, nicknamed me a bouncer for obvious reasons and if one really logically, this person should have been fired yesterday, never been hired for too many reasons. Yet, when I think about delivering the news, I tear. Even as I procrastinate to write the official letter to request for termination, even as I speak to HR on the phone, I find myself shaking.
Not because she's very special. Not because she is a star employee.
Maybe because I invested my time and resources in her and she took me for granted and jeopardised not just the business but cannot understand the simple concept of integrity.
Maybe because she looks and feels so much like the woman who brought me up, left when I was 15 and lost touch ever since.
Bucketlist.
Shopping lists.
Too long.
Too little time.
Too little resources.
I feel like I'm underachieving. Actually, I know I am.
I need spectacular numbers. Spectacular, ceteris paribus. I never was the most excellent organised planner around but now I'm in a complete state of disarray.
I used to do 4 cities in 4 days including 12 hour flights, train rides etc. Now, my fingernails seem to grow faster than my thoughts can unravel themselves.
I've been bothered by many things in life and I love my job so much and I fear I don't do well enough to keep it because the bar of expectations is so high and the queue of people waiting for this job is pretty long. I feel so replaceable and insecure.
And the hardest part of the job?
I have to fire someone.
People have called me Thor, nicknamed me a bouncer for obvious reasons and if one really logically, this person should have been fired yesterday, never been hired for too many reasons. Yet, when I think about delivering the news, I tear. Even as I procrastinate to write the official letter to request for termination, even as I speak to HR on the phone, I find myself shaking.
Not because she's very special. Not because she is a star employee.
Maybe because I invested my time and resources in her and she took me for granted and jeopardised not just the business but cannot understand the simple concept of integrity.
Maybe because she looks and feels so much like the woman who brought me up, left when I was 15 and lost touch ever since.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Husband
The husband scan be a real paradox.
One moment he's calling me a tigress, sending me reeling/roaring. Another moment, I posted on Facebook that I really would like a typo (read: Ryan sea crest's iPhone accessory) and the next thing I know, it's arriving as a no occasions gift mid feb.
He can be so generous with all things geeky yet scathingly honest and acerbic about my flaws.
People look at us and laugh and insist we are a match both made in heaven and hell. We provide humour. Sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I get hurt. I've learnt to laugh it off more often than to take offence these days. After all, it has been 5 years. We've grown up.
We still have certain epic fights but I was genuinely surprised by this gift. Firstly, it's the only tech gift I ever wanted. Secondly, I'm more a bags/fashion/make-up (read: girly) kinda city girl. Everything he is not. He refuses to endorse a single penny of my bags and shoes collection and even threatens to throw them out. We now have a policy of buy one, must throw/donate one pair of shoes.
All things said and done, I am thankful.
All things said and done, we're MFEO.
One moment he's calling me a tigress, sending me reeling/roaring. Another moment, I posted on Facebook that I really would like a typo (read: Ryan sea crest's iPhone accessory) and the next thing I know, it's arriving as a no occasions gift mid feb.
He can be so generous with all things geeky yet scathingly honest and acerbic about my flaws.
People look at us and laugh and insist we are a match both made in heaven and hell. We provide humour. Sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I get hurt. I've learnt to laugh it off more often than to take offence these days. After all, it has been 5 years. We've grown up.
We still have certain epic fights but I was genuinely surprised by this gift. Firstly, it's the only tech gift I ever wanted. Secondly, I'm more a bags/fashion/make-up (read: girly) kinda city girl. Everything he is not. He refuses to endorse a single penny of my bags and shoes collection and even threatens to throw them out. We now have a policy of buy one, must throw/donate one pair of shoes.
All things said and done, I am thankful.
All things said and done, we're MFEO.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Opening presents
We got our Christmas gifts a little late because his relatives live in Australia.
Me: yay! I got a belt!! I can use this to hit you. (Disclaimer: I was kidding)
He then proceeds to open his present and he too..got a belt.
#abusiverelationships
He also got CDs. In Australia, iTunes hasn't arrived and CDs are crazy expensive. They were artistes we like.
Problem: we have no CD players. We have moved on to iTunes.
Me: never mind! We can rip the cd into iTunes!
Problem: both our iMac and MacBook Air don't have slots for CDs.
Monday, January 13, 2014
A letter to my dear colleague
Dear young lady,
You had a major breakdown on Friday because I wasn't in the office to be your shield when others decided to shoot darts. I am sorry. You must realize by now that this is very common no matter where you go and trust me, I've been shot by far more venom than these folks can even conjure. Nothing malicious here. Pure miscommunication. Nothing we can't undo.
You have shown fine promise and you don't know this but I've already put in the request to promote you. You are a young girl full of potential and one of the best I know. I am so blessed to have you on my team and count you as my right hand. I don't know how you feel about it because it feels like the pressure has been turned on to full blast but trust me, we will get through this. Hang on.
Yes, my health does delineate certain parameters which is why I need you stay calm when I'm not around. Functional dyspepsia means I can puke at anyone anytime I get really stressed. Stay firm in the face of a storm. Remember that we are selling skincare and not saving lives. NOBODY will die just because we dropped a marble. You are learning fast and learn all you can. I promise to invest in you no matter how long you choose to stay because I see myself in you. I am passing on what I've been so blessed to receive from my previous mentors. I wasn't as fast a learner as you and I was an outright ditz. Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither is a business empire. Be patient.
Tomorrow, I will go on and as we put out fires, devise a strategy to align business objectives. Then, we will sort out and hire the right people for our team. Once we've got the dynamics sorted out, the rest, like they say is history. Auto-pilot.
So there, I was once impatient. I was once indignant. I was once on the verge of a breakdown because people throw their weight around and fired darts of fury when I was vulnerable.
I cannot tell you this because I am still awaiting approvals. I am pushing for them to be expedited but like all big organizations, they take time. I can't tell you in person so here's the letter you will never get to read.
Blessings and thanks,
The comrade you call ''boss'''.
You had a major breakdown on Friday because I wasn't in the office to be your shield when others decided to shoot darts. I am sorry. You must realize by now that this is very common no matter where you go and trust me, I've been shot by far more venom than these folks can even conjure. Nothing malicious here. Pure miscommunication. Nothing we can't undo.
You have shown fine promise and you don't know this but I've already put in the request to promote you. You are a young girl full of potential and one of the best I know. I am so blessed to have you on my team and count you as my right hand. I don't know how you feel about it because it feels like the pressure has been turned on to full blast but trust me, we will get through this. Hang on.
Yes, my health does delineate certain parameters which is why I need you stay calm when I'm not around. Functional dyspepsia means I can puke at anyone anytime I get really stressed. Stay firm in the face of a storm. Remember that we are selling skincare and not saving lives. NOBODY will die just because we dropped a marble. You are learning fast and learn all you can. I promise to invest in you no matter how long you choose to stay because I see myself in you. I am passing on what I've been so blessed to receive from my previous mentors. I wasn't as fast a learner as you and I was an outright ditz. Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither is a business empire. Be patient.
Tomorrow, I will go on and as we put out fires, devise a strategy to align business objectives. Then, we will sort out and hire the right people for our team. Once we've got the dynamics sorted out, the rest, like they say is history. Auto-pilot.
So there, I was once impatient. I was once indignant. I was once on the verge of a breakdown because people throw their weight around and fired darts of fury when I was vulnerable.
I cannot tell you this because I am still awaiting approvals. I am pushing for them to be expedited but like all big organizations, they take time. I can't tell you in person so here's the letter you will never get to read.
Blessings and thanks,
The comrade you call ''boss'''.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A decade
This blog is almost 10 years old!
Anniversary post due!
Beauty products that I've used for 10 years (or more) and stay utterly devoted to:
-Clinique eyeliner in smokey brown
-Clinique anti blemish gel
-face shop collagen eye mask
And that's it! For the rest of the time I'm fickle, devoid of loyalty and sometimes, they simply discontinue my favorites!
Yes, in my arsenal of skincare and cosmetics, I remain faithful to only three SKUs.
Almost a worthy case study.
Monday, January 06, 2014
God misses me.
It's impossible to sleep with the lightest sleeper in the world. Every move I make wakes him up. Granted, his is a bundle of nerves since he will be scaling mount ophir with a boisterous army of pre-fifteen year olds.
Still, this is taking a toll on me.
Spiritually, I'm also as dry as a twig. I am tired and I don't know how to reach God's hotline anymore. It's not like he's not picking up or anything but I'm not even calling and my own strength is running out. Maybe I'm afraid of disappointment or what he'll say. Maybe I'm feeling all inadequate. Plenty of lies I know but there's just not enough truth spoken to jolt me out of this insane reverie.
Now, I just want to sleep. I also have a long week ahead. My schedule is chokeful with meetings I don't know when in the world anyone can get a reply to me via emails/texts.
This is all going to work out somehow. I just need God.
Still, this is taking a toll on me.
Spiritually, I'm also as dry as a twig. I am tired and I don't know how to reach God's hotline anymore. It's not like he's not picking up or anything but I'm not even calling and my own strength is running out. Maybe I'm afraid of disappointment or what he'll say. Maybe I'm feeling all inadequate. Plenty of lies I know but there's just not enough truth spoken to jolt me out of this insane reverie.
Now, I just want to sleep. I also have a long week ahead. My schedule is chokeful with meetings I don't know when in the world anyone can get a reply to me via emails/texts.
This is all going to work out somehow. I just need God.
Sunday, January 05, 2014
1st post of 2014
4 days into the new year and I'm still kinda living in the past. That's 2013 I'm referring to. I've been robbed of the holiday season with crazy peak periods at work and now that things are slowing down, I can afford to breathe but...where are the celebrations and gatherings?!?!
Isaac is going for a hiking expedition this week. I'm a nervous wreck. Anyone who remotely knows me knows I'm a true blue city girl and since he is forced to go for obligatory work reasons, I worry like a mother hen that he will not adapt and worse...make it back in one piece.
I have a thousand and one scenarios in my head, most unlikely to happen but nonetheless, stressful for me. As a teacher's wife, the first day of school has been even more stressful to me than my own work. I've been pretty much doing the same thing with the same kind of people for 8 years while he is a complete greenhorn in a brand new environment. Is he tough enough for those kids? Are they even kids? Will they turn into monsters mid lesson? (Examples of thoughts that run through my mind).
I cannot take anything for granted and I'm feeling so awful that we had a fight just days before we are going to be separated for a grand total of 4 days. I've contemplated calling up the school and to demand that as his legal spouse, I do not grant consent for a thousand reasons I can cook up from medical to well, my own problems but really, that's not right. No one needs to tell me. I know it like it's a banner waving in my face.
I definitely am being melodramatic but if this is the last time I see him, I want him to know that despite our crazy fights and HUGE differences, I know that he loves me more than anybody in this world and I love him too.
Oh weepy sappy me. I'll just have to go on girl dates, tv marathons and shopping to ease the blues.
Oh and work.
Isaac is going for a hiking expedition this week. I'm a nervous wreck. Anyone who remotely knows me knows I'm a true blue city girl and since he is forced to go for obligatory work reasons, I worry like a mother hen that he will not adapt and worse...make it back in one piece.
I have a thousand and one scenarios in my head, most unlikely to happen but nonetheless, stressful for me. As a teacher's wife, the first day of school has been even more stressful to me than my own work. I've been pretty much doing the same thing with the same kind of people for 8 years while he is a complete greenhorn in a brand new environment. Is he tough enough for those kids? Are they even kids? Will they turn into monsters mid lesson? (Examples of thoughts that run through my mind).
I cannot take anything for granted and I'm feeling so awful that we had a fight just days before we are going to be separated for a grand total of 4 days. I've contemplated calling up the school and to demand that as his legal spouse, I do not grant consent for a thousand reasons I can cook up from medical to well, my own problems but really, that's not right. No one needs to tell me. I know it like it's a banner waving in my face.
I definitely am being melodramatic but if this is the last time I see him, I want him to know that despite our crazy fights and HUGE differences, I know that he loves me more than anybody in this world and I love him too.
Oh weepy sappy me. I'll just have to go on girl dates, tv marathons and shopping to ease the blues.
Oh and work.
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