Lost and found.

I had a cousin who spent his first 5 years in my house. His parents were divorced and both had their own set of problems so he was left with us. I was 8 years old when he first arrived in my life. I thought he was the cutest and because I never had any siblings prior and didn't know that my own brother would arrive years later, he was my treasure.

He was the first sibling I ever had.

My parents later refused to be his legal guardian and he was later relinquished to his mother, who struggled to raise him. Today, I met him again for the first time after 17 years and he struggled to remember my name. He shouted "xinying jiejie" (big sister). Even my own brother doesn't address me as that.

The sibling I lost and now found. My blood relative.

A whole cocktail of feelings now whirl in me. It's like an indigestion of thoughts and feelings. I struggled to find the words to say. He dropped out of law while my own brother will soon be doing law. He is now working in a menial position, far from what his potential could achieve, if he had the means. He lost his citizenship here because his mom wasn't singaporean and well..dad couldn't take care of him.

I cannot help but feel sad. No arguments, no words, no point about what could have been. I wasn't my parents and was and still is in no position to judge them for refusing to take him in. I just can't help but feel that we could have made a positive difference if we only allowed ourselves to.