Forgetting in the midst of pain

The symptoms intensified and so thus the suffering.

So instead of nausea, I've graduated to migraines and had a mini breakdown. Thankfully, it is more tolerable now because prior to that, I couldn't even take the light of the mobile phone without feeling absolutely tortured.

I have turned this whole pregnancy into a slew of countdowns to perceived/expected dates when suffering can be over. Despite the fact that I undeniably still look forward to my child's birth, I have decided to miss the good parts of the pregnancy and let the symptoms overwhelm and dominate my entire mind, lapsing into a mini pre-natal depression state.

Yes, the symptoms are hard to bear but on the bright side, they are indicative of progress and growth. Yes, some other women have it like a breeze but if I compared on, I would never be happy. On top of all these, I am part of a supernatural process- making a whole human being from scratch.

Like my friend advised, these symptoms might or might not alleviate and hormones, until they taper off or until my body gets used to their onslaught is unlikely to happen soon. Therefore, while it is normal to get down and need plenty of rest, I need an arsenal of happy strategies to win this game against depression.

As weird as this sounds, I need to find a way to savour the process and find happy milestones and happy things to keep my mind occupied and healthy.

In other news, my hcg increase wasn't ideal today. But thanks to the headache, I soon stopped worrying while I curled up in pain. At some point, I was using object to hit my head to relieve me of the inner pain.

Dr sounded a bit worried but all will be out during a scan 7 days from now. Then, I'll be at week 9 and there must be a heartbeat by then. I'm apprehensive but hoping for the best.

I am going to try to spare myself the emotional roller coaster that tends to strike during tense periods of waiting and exhaust every effort to fight the negative emotions. It is easier said than done and I don't have a strong track record of winning this but I need some strategies to kickstart this.

Catching up on TV that I don't get to watch while working helps and maybe that's a faint first step I'll take.

Then, now that I nap better, I'm going to attempt more of that too.

So there, trying to be strong. Baby, be strong too.