rested

We finally have a guest room! Sorta. He bought a really expensive bed so we can afford to have ONE guest. The church very often hosts visitors from overseas and it's been the same few people hosting for awhile. We still got quite a long way to go to clearing out my 'laundromat'. I have a disgusting amount of clothes and bags. Need to start giving them away. Some of them still have tags on them.

Despite the fairer weather and sightings of rainbows on the mood front, I still have some difficult valleys to sojourn through. Being alone is like a double edged sword. On one hand, it gives me room to sort out my thoughts and think. On the other, it makes me vulnerable and pre-dispositioned to my worst vice: thinking too much. I mull and I ponder and then it leads to worry without solutions or an anchored faith that 'it is well with my soul'.

My social calendar seems awfully maxed out and I cherish the times of solitude so badly. Yes, I do get many hours a day alone but those have to be spent with my mind on some basic chores and well...I don't even know what. I don't even know why I'm always invited to something. I guess that it is a good thing and it's also ok to turn some invites down. And these are good people. It's just that I don't know how to choose anymore and a part of me does want to go. I just end up super tired after and it messes up my delicate routine that I'm trying to establish after having a hey-wire one for so long.

God help me. I'm having a meeting with the GM after the 8th to discuss my role in the company. It may or may not work out. I have to agree with pay package and most importantly, the portfolio. Am done trying to be everything although part of me relishes running the show from behind the scenes. The temptation is so strong but I'm prepared to walk away from the table if it doesn't feel right. I'm not 22 anymore. My career ambitions have yet to abate and I know I'll be heading for another crash if I do what I always do. My first priority still needs to be my family. I don't know how it's all going to work out but He will sort it out.