i am on MC.

Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love,
nor can the floods drown it
if a man would give for love
all the wealth of his house,
it would be utterly despised.

being on MC means that even though i'm flat on my back and my head is heavy and groggy and i'm miserable and swimming in a pool of self pity, God's word can find entrance to my heart and reside in there. (at least for the length of the MC). He'll really do anything at all to get to me. hallehlujah!

with regards to the above verse, issn't it so romantic?possibly the kind of romance every girl (and though they refuse to admit, men) craves for. i'm not truly satisfied with life albeit truly saved by the blood of Christ. i need to rediscover satisfaction and flood the empty places of my being with the truths of Christ.

"all the wealth of his house , it would be utterly despised''. wah raos. if this is referring to all the wealth of His house upstairs, then its beyond imagination .. now i know why they say love surpasses all understanding. its simply unfathomable.

i was very upset today coz no one was available for me to emotionally leech on to. despite being sick plus a whole list of other negative attributes. and returning from the doctor with a prognosis that lies along the line that i haven't been taking good care to i am as good as trying to kill myself makes me feel even worse. i already look like shit. now the great plan to make me feel like shit as well is 90% achieved.

everytime soemthing like that happens and i panic before i spiral down into something even darker, i am thankful there are still nooks and crannies for God to weave/squeeze through to reach me. to comfort me, to assuage, and affirm me. i don't feel like the best in the land still and when i stare into the mirror, i have all the unbelief in the world believing i'm the beautifullest. but i delight in the fact that the love is inspite of that. this is new to me. at least i've not known so for a long long time. i haven't been experiencing evidences of His love interms of lavish obvious blessings and because that was what i was accustomed to, i was blind to acts of love that include gentle dicipline and chastisement, acts of grace and mercy etc. but its ok!coz now i see!

i wish i could be on mc forever. (choy!) if it leads to such an euphoric epiphany everytime.actually i just need to be more diciplined in seeking Him and building my relationship with Him instead of having to wait till im flat on my back and miserable. work can wait. you can wait. everything actually. its time to let the one whos been most patient with me stop waiting.

on another note, i found this quite funny because of the obvious parallels.

friend to man: my wife is a great cook.
man (thinking abt lousy cook wife) : my cook is a great wife.