the wonderering wonder of God.

He is alwayssss doing this to me.

He'll start by making me question something. then i'll ride on the question and brood over it. rack my brains upside down and still have no answer. then now i can't get rid of the question.

thus, establishing the theme of the day!

then He'll perform His magic and unravel the big mystery.

i'll read abt it in my devotionals, talk abt it to my bf who will seem to know all the scriptures related to this somehow, and then just when we thought we were almost through with this topic, dear walking bible bf will have a new burst of scriptures related and the whole picture will be pieced up nicely.

and we'll understand somewhat and go "WAHHHH''

usually this entire process takes one day or more.

**
today it dawned on me i'm almost like a female jacob. someone close briefly commented and mind you, its not too flattering. its one thing to say 'oh you have a heart of david..a heart that seeks after God" and another to say you are like jacob. with all due respect to jacob, erm..sorry.

i'm not like jacob in the sense that i'll marry two women/men who are related to EACH OTHER. its more like in the sense that i'm so hard to subdue..by God. i'm impulsive rebellious and irreverent. too much so for my own good. i've wrestled with God, been outright disobedient and ended up in the wilderness running from Godknows what and running to God knows where.

its been repeated bouts of that coz sometimes i just can't subdue my own flesh to be obedient. to believe that what He says its the best for me. i cannot guarantee that it will never happen again but at least this time, each time i decide to be funny...i'll rethink my decision coz i'll remember the futility of it.

i'm also not like him in the sense that i'll have 10 children. (i'll just have a 1000) but that i'm so blessing hungry that its brought me to the place i forgot the blessor. the upside to this attribute is that i know i can't do it on my own without God (but it hazznt stopped me from testing this truth out!) and the utter downside is that i totally neglect the blessor which is the truest epitome of blessing anyway. i have to get refocused and redirected.

ok now, don't judge me.