return me to the cross

i can revisit the cross ten thousand times over and glance at 10000 facets of God's greatest act of love for me on the cross and it'd still never be enough for me to fully comprehend, fully understand, fully lap it all up.

life began there for me in His death. and the Father truly spared not His own son for me. He held nothing back. for me. It PLEASED Him to send Jesus there to take on my suffering and sins. its still mind blowing today after 9 years. it still baffles me and i pray it never stops. the surge of hope comes back once more no matter how long i've spent downcast when i revisit the cross where my Savior died to purchase an eternity, a relationship for me.

***

i turn 22 in a few minutes.

and there is just so much to be thankful for. have been shouldering some burdens on my little shoulders and its been honestly back breaking (literally too) and today in church, my beloved pastor, whom i wassnt close to (afterall i'm so new) or knew anything in the natural just sensed it and spoke out certain things that God told him that i was going through. its nothing spectacular and even addressed a physical illegal pain that has decided to inhabit my temple of the holy spirit unconciously. little gestures of love...to let me know once again that He knows, He cares and Hez right there. no big revelation apparently but its a big deal to me.

no detail too tiny for someone who loves you.

makes me feel so precious and loved and gives me the strength to lift my head and raise my hands in praise. my wonderful savior and father, all over again.

had a wonderful weekend of celebrations of some sort over the weekend. truly beautiful and i could just see how much time they (God and His isaac) spent to make this special for me. nothing spectacular in the natural but i was truly genuinely touched by their endless streams of love that kept flowing relentlessly. i was not well enough to enjoy it completely but the comfort and love that flooded into my little stony heart was more than i could really bear. and thankfully, it was also more than the pain in my body.

i will give up trying to fathom why they see wat they see in me and agree with them, only by faith and humility that it is true. all of Jesus, none of me. i'll disregard the old person, crucified with Christ and put to death once and for all and embrace all the life that has been purchased for me at the price of His precious blood. the celebration of my life and His goodness will never end and i believe that even in heaven as i speak, even in my heart as i speak, they are celebrating the day i was birthed and most of all, the day i was resurrected and returned home to my Father.
***
and here's my oscar moment.
so, thank you. to You my Father, God, redeemer, savior, friend.

thank you to my laughter package. my big blessing. the only one who co owns my heart with Jesus.
thankyou to my dearest friends, (yes, i've amended it to err iron age friends after violent protests).adelene, belle and mei ling! thank you for remembering and gracing my heart and life with your beauty and love.these friendships survived time space and distance and even long dark ages and is truly tough as iron only because Jesus keeps it. amen?
thank you for all those who remember even though we've been out of touch. jos, thank you!
thank you jon, for calling even though i'm so chiong hei and its so expensive to call and still thinking that i'm worth it. (unless u were lying) GOOD BOY.
and jo!my young and younger friend. best roommate of all time!
and NIQ!u've been the bestest brother. ever.putting up with the worst of me and blessing me and isaac so so so much. it takes alot of faith to believe in me, believe in us and we're so glad to have you in our journey.
thanks eugene, for remembering. for staying in my life.somehow.
and cali too. i love you
and pammy, my fellow 5 stomachs friend. =)

my 3 minutes is up.i've gotta get off the stage.