the emptiest day

i need a release from my pent up soul so here i am.coz blogger with all its glitches and faults still prove to more faithful and trustworthy den say....msn and some of my 'friends'.

don't worry. He has heard me. so has he.but i just need to repeat this just ONCE more. allow me..

am so peeved right now and as many of you prob already know, i started working. i cant mention where and wat i do here although its really NO BIG deal but because...simply because...i don't wanto take any chances and disclose anything here.

this is prob not a big deal to so many of you facing bigger challenges and its not a big deal to me but i really need to be delivered out of this stage of my life. i feel suffocated and i just know its so painful to stay where i am. not because i hate what i do...but it just feels wrong.

i love the people. ok..maybe i don't like one person quite very much. (ok very very much) but its just not right. but i can't leave. yet.

and i can't find anything iwant. i went for one interview which i thought was something i would sooo want only to have a sinking feeling the moment i stepped in. no , i wassnt dismayed because of the aesthetics of the office. i just had a sick gut feel in me. as i advanced further into the waiting area...i saw lines of idols greeting me. ok that xplains the sick feeling. and it was a friday night and people are still in the office at 6 plus....and i found out later they dun leave until much much later.coz theres just too much work.

that aside, even the job description din look too appealing. it was somewhat akin to modern day slavery and everything inside and outside me was so repulsed by it.

den i got my taxi queue cut twice. den i was taxiless. den some idiot decided to stop his lorry where i was, wind down his window and whistle and spew crap out of his filthy being. so while keeping eye contact, i pretended to call the police and noting down his license plate. suddenly enlightened, he sped off. what a pity. i was so in the mood to chat up any policeman/woman. i was also so int he mood to crucify the people who cut my taxi queue.

i was so discouraged. i wanto leave the present job so badly and yet i met with another bummer and now i suddenly don't know wat i really wanto do anymore. at all.

and it darzen help that cold case really really inspires me to be a detective.

bahhhh.
ram ewe