pardoned

i must really sound like a broken record but the past few days have been almost more than awful.

and i have rediscovered mercy anew at a heavy price.

i didn't realise that i was capable of causing so much hurt and pain and i thought in a particular case, i was the one extending free forgiveness. little did i know..that i was the one in need of forgiveness myself and that much of it because of what i had unwittingly put someelse through.

i can apologize a thousand times more and it wouldn't change a thing.neither can i or will i try to turn back the clock. neither is it of any use for me to beat myself over it..and sadly i tried.

and its hard for me to finally admit and come to terms that truly one perfect sacrifice is enough. the one on calvary and since i can do nothing but offer prayers, Jesus will restore unto the one i have unwittingly caused harm and hurt. the price has been paid and i don't have to pay. and restoration will come..much much more.more than i can ever hope to give back out of my bankrupted self.

ephesians 2:4-7
But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,
even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),
and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,
that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

i dare not even look up and expect more of His kindness to be shown towards me. coz being blind to my own fault, i have gone on and on. but penance i will not pay. lest i insult His perfect work. i'll leave it all at the foot of the cross today and continue my journey..

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

caedmon's call-thy mercy