Enlightened.

In the councils of eternity, I was being discussed. Great plans for my future were laid out for me. Plans to give me a future and a hope and a life so abundant that this world will never fathom or know. So rich and bright that its blinding to the mortal man.

So although i don't see it, although i am only living a tiny fraction of it, that knowledge brings me unrivalled comfort joy and peace. i want to know more to know better. and its humbling to know always that inspite of me, i am still loved and..accepted.

In a day and age whereby true acceptance is rarer than a dinosaur, i am savouring and relishing every bit of it. i don't fit easily into many people's lives and am find great difficulty rooting myself anywhere. no one has my allegiance except for a selected for and of coz the only living God, Jesus Christ. yet, a piece of me is demanded and many try to sway my choices in life. its especially heart wrenching when i discover (albeit much later) that every choice i make might end up qualifying or disqualifying me in man's eyes.

but hallehlujah! today i proudly declare (even if no one reads this lonesome blog) that my highest qualification (as asked in a job resume) is not my rather worthless B.A but Jesus Christ who shed His blood for me. because i only have this to rejoice in, in it i rejoice. and to me, it is truly more than enough.

rejection from anyone you care and love and truly want to be a part of your life is truly difficult and painful and i must be quite blessed to have ...hmm..lets say at least 5 firm people of God in my life that are there to cheer me on in this journey and show me how enjoyable this journey can be.

i've been to a dark place whereby i've been a hermit because i just refused to try anymore to validate myself or my choices. seeking human approval is a vicious process and i will have no part in this malicious business anymore. i'll be who i am, who God made me to me and glory and revel in all of it while looking forward to more. i'll stop beating myself up over the mistakes of a bygone era or even 5minutes ago and truly embrace all that Jesus is because that is afterall, ME.

i am crucified with Him. and i died before i truly lived. but ironically (and thankfully) it is in His death i live forevermore and i'll celebrate that. amidst the shifting circumstances, darkness, gloom and doom.

i will soar on.