while the rest of the world feast on logcakes and turkeys, my family was busy making pohpiahs. i don't know why but every time we gather its over pohpiah. the main exchanges that were made throughout the course of the day include, "pass the chilli/garlic/pohpiah skin", "urgh"and silence stony glares. we are not a very affectionate family.no, thats an understatement. i can almost liken it to the gathering of the rudest, most selfish folks. yes, such a congregation exists.
thank God for my cousins. i love them. i love them so much. if not for them, i would have spiralled down depression even further and have truly had less to smile. apart from the wonderful pohpiah. i was just not in the whole yuletide mood. my mind was somewhere else, fragmented, actually its in a 100 thousand different places and the atmosphere did little to remindme that its christmas at all- that Jesus is the reason for the season. that we're here to love , to celebrate Him, not bicker over small things.
i don't have many cousins and joy was the only one i ever went to the same school with. thank God for mgs. i love her like shez my own little sis. although we're 7 years apart, we could go to sch together because mg had pri sch and sec sch together. and we had morning assembly together. and today while playing monopoly junior with little josh, she suddenly blurted this out, "jiejie..do uremember the time u had to raise the flag for morning assembly?"
i was caught off guard.i struggled to remember this. but at the way she was guffawing and choking and gasping for air, the genius in me deduced that it must have been some embarassing incident that i've stashed away to be incinerated. alas, it has resurfaced after this many years.
i was given last minute notice that i had to raise the flag because of girl guides duty. (yes, i was the only guide without any badges and the only outdoor activity i faithfully attended was outdoor cooking). i didn't even know how to put the flag properly. the instructions that were given to me was jsut to pull when the mari kita starts. i thought it was simple.no prob..after all, its yourback facing the rest of the school, no room even for stage fright.
well, so mari kita started and as i got started and the flag started advancing, a gust of wind blew. the flag just covered my entire head. pretty embarassing but its ok, i went on...no one can see me anyway...den as the flag got higher, suddenly i could hear nervous giggles. SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG!
flagw as upside down.i stared daggers at my friend and that look translated into smoething along the lines of .."I TOLD YOU I DIDNT WANT TO DO THISSSS."
so much for that. i would really have preferred to spend christmas somewhere else with some othe rpeople in some church that celebrates Jesus.i love my cousins but the grouchy relatives are too much for me to bear. even being alone and just singing praises alone won't be such a bad idea.
i yearn for time alone with Him and him. i don't know why but time has been choked up. i've been going thru these few days just breathing. existing and not living and struggling to exist even.hit a soul-low a few days ago.
yearning for so much more. need to hear Him talkto me. to minister and to have a private celebration. enough of everyone else. leave me alone, i won't bite but i'll clobber.
miss him. it sux that we have to spend christmas apart.
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