I gave the domestic helper permission to clear out a good chunk of ''artefacts'' from the house. Mostly expired cosmetics but it was momentous nonetheless as I have always been a hoarder. Strangely, I do not feel any more or less liberated or any sense of loss. Many things in life, not just those, are plain superfluous and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid even if they had been gone.
I feel the loss of many other things though. Namely, my unrealized dreams. The same ones that was birthed too long ago and never abated no matter how hard life gnawed at them. The loss of friendships and family.
Life isn't over and neither is Jesus back so the verdict is not out on the former. There's still hope and a glimmer of chance of many of it but I won't mull too much over it in the meantime. It takes too much from me and only results on disappointment and drained mental resources. I think about what I really feel about some people and how I've had to disguise my immense disgust for some of them because of this imagined social protocol. Maybe if death is certain or if Jesus is indeed coming back in the next hour and I can outrun their schemes and flying daggers, I'll deliver a cathartic speech in their face detailing how utterly horrible they are.
Eg.
1) " YOU WERE A VERY VERY LOUSY FRIEND"-then at that point, shit must fall from the sky and land precisely on said person's head.
2) "YOU ARE A VERY LOUSY PERSON" -then at this point, said person must be swallowed up in a quicksand of dung.
3) "YOU STINK"-after I stand a far off which the N95 mask while shit is engulfing said person
4) "I hope you fall into a really really filthy manhole!"
5) "You have a nice hide, ugly heart''
Ok nothing vehemently fierce. But I'm already grinning at the thought of it and how their faces would contort in disbelief. But before they even come up with a comeback, dear Lord, please have me raptured!
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