the not so magical number.

its been wrong.

the past week has had me edgy and feeling angsty. maybe its part of turning 23. i don't like the sound of that. i like the sound of 17. its too early to be advancing in my twenties. i've got so much more to do and so much more i'm unsure of. please don't ask me to plan for my future. i'm sure my future is planned..just not by me. i just wanto stick to His plans in the meantime because i'm so scared. i'm so afraid when i see how blur i really can get. how stupid my decisions can be. how warped my thought life can be.

so in Your hands i lay my plans. in Your arms i rest.

there are so many answers i seek lately. haven't honestly prayed through them but i refuse vehemently to think through them knowing where my pondering leads- no where. all i know is that He loves me. He has a good plan and my birthday wish this year is just that pls give me alot alot of grace to be obedient, to do His will and truly shine as His daughter.

**
i've been wanted to call some friends out and pour my heart out but unfortunately, we are too busy. and all too ironically, i'm not sure if i can find the words to verbalise and make sense of everything. and usually, the mei ling who maketh sense of my crazy universe, is in a country pronounced as ''kah zaa stahn''. i don't even know the real spelling. its a mission trip and a part of me wishe di was there. i know i complain abt dirty toilets endlessly but i think nothing beats doing His work if you're equipped.

for now i'm relegated to being a partner of a few ministries here and there. and when i get a computer generated thank you note with updates abt that missionary's work...i somehow already feel like i'm part of it. and i say under my breath to the letter (as if those far away cld hear), '' one day i'll give you more''. hoping they'll hear. hoping He'll hear too.

**

shuxin, read this part.

ok i've more or less brought it up to my boss. he seems to think its ok. i'll be booking the tickets nxt monday. with emirates. coz i called m'sian airlines up and they were so rude to me over the phone. they literally scolded me because i asked them silly questions about transit.

so PLS PLS PLS confirm with me if the dates 28 sept to arrive is ok.

thanks for having me. i'll try not to be a nuisance and not get lost when u're in sch.

i can't wait!!we can cook and cook and eat my cooking!!(ok i know this part is less exciting but if its really horrible, we can think about those hungry pple in third world country and be thankful. den it'll be less painful)

**
that's about it. i'm so tired and spent. working on behalf of two people is so not easy.

turning 23 in 2.5 hours.

i need to hide under my bed.