its been quite a few harrowing nights of very little sleep and my body is just worn out but my mind is still working overtime. i will never fail to be amazed at how patient God is and how i still manage to allow myself to get frustrated over certain things that in hindsight are worthless and not even worth a mention here. like some disgusting gross self righteous swine. OOPS.
i've actively deprived myself of rest and i only have myself to blame. i let my mind work overtime so much so that my body is screaming many silent pleas begging me to stop. i will attempt that..soon. int he past few days, thru a series of incidents, i've seen a deeper uglier side of me that still is unwilling to trust anything. i don't know when i ever really became like these but trust is a big thing for me. and it should be. i can count on one hand the people i trust and even so not entirely. like how i doubt even Him who gave His life for me that in His death i may live. pls tell me i'm not the only one and sometime in your life, you've been there. anyhows, i'm not discouraged anymore by the ugliness i see in me. i'm so used to it. i'll just keep on being amazed at His goodness and patience and incredible threshold to bear with me.
there has been so much and i have been feeling like every minute of my life is so precious. i'm not just heading for the destination but actively savouring the bits and pieces of the journey and every minute detail. today will be gone by tomorrow and it will never return. what i make out of it is important. there are plenty of second chances but i'm way past the stage whereby i wanto burn time like i'm immortal. yes, i'll live forever but why do i wanto live hedonistically when there is so much awaiting me.not just to do but to enjoy savour and cherish.
so pls understand if you ever think i'm too protective of my time. especially of late. and because of all these, i can't bring myself to attend things that i consider a waste of time and am extra selective of what i choose to give my time to, AND the people i choose to occupy my time with. unlike before, i can no longer sit at a big meeting with people generally uninterested in each other's lives apart from their recent purchases at the Great sg sale. i don't patronize anymore because i've long snapped out of the gnawing bondange of obligation.i need intimacy, encouragement support and love. especially in a time such as this whereby a new chapter in my life is unfolding. i entertain doubts too and i need the right people in the right kingdom to point me in the right direction when its all foggy. i have no problems just spending time quiet and alone or even shopping with my loved ones. i just cannot bringmyself to try and bear with you if you have zero interest in me in the first place. and don't blame yourself...the feeling is very mutual. i have too many people to love in too little time and i oso need time for myself..whereby i replenish my supply of love and manah from my God whose name is Jesus.
nobody these days seem to regard alone time with God as being a valid reason to not be disturbed or interrupted anymore. suits you. but don't count me in. i'm the oddball from the start anyway.
and that aside, people whom i've recently given alot of my time too, i hope you know how precious each of you are to me. i count myself truly rich because i have you people in my heart and life. of coz there are otherp eople who i'll gladly give my time too but well...you guys have been too busy!
ive got toomuch to blog about but too little words. im learning so much, seeing so much and experiencing so much.
gone, like yesterday is gone
like history is gone
the world keeps spinning on
you're going going gone
like saturday is gone
just trying to prove me wrong
you pretend like you're immortal
life is more than money
time was never money
every moment that we borrow
brings us closer to the God who's not short of cash
hey bono, i'm glad you asked
life is still worth living, still worth living
-Gone
switchfoot
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