im supposed to be sleeping but i had a sudden impulse to PACK so i did and i uncovered many many diaries and many many forgotten memories. seriously so forgotten i don't even remember living that part of my life. its amazing how my life really was. my mgs form teacher said that i should learn to be more assertive. today, isaac quek begs to differ coz that has translated into pure stubborness. think mule.
many are amazed (me included) that i can actually forget so much of a huge chunk of my life. i don't know if its the combined shock of all things or God that caused this memory loss but i really only vaguely recollect. and i wrote somewhere in many journal entries that i'll never never forget this this this and that that that.and now look where i am. i can't believe my history was so rich, i was THAT girl. its not that hard to believe becus i retain a large number of the characteristics that i read in those journals. i found myself laughing and crying and just wondering.."did this really happen" as i went through the journals. i felt intrusive.i felt like i was looking through ANOTHer person's private entries and it was plain rude. i don't know if its a good thing...honestly. while its good that the pain has very much been eradicated to ground zero, i don't know where that leaves me as someone with almost NO memories?its weird...but i cannot try to recollect them.i can't for crying out loud no matte rhow hard i try. i just...can't recall. maybe i sorta mourn for these lost parts of my life but i'll trust God that He knows whats happening and knows what HEz doing and knows What to do.
amnesia is a gift sometimes i believe. and i've been blessed that the sting can't even stay. but so does the joy...but new joy comes.so it works out well.
i din even remember me and one of my good girl pals kept a secret book at 17 (gasp) exchanging secret notes to one another. apparently shez from the OTHER faculty and this way, its easier to keep in touch.and its more romantic coz sms is just too expensive.and u hafta delete it.i read a few entries...and i honestly din remember having this system. well, shez somewhere in aust now...and i don't even have her number anymore. i lost themalong with my phone the last time and i ...havent been too faithful with emails.
another interesting finding was that in my freshman year, at the end of some orientation programme (now this is really recent..coz its only 2 years ago) i had this paperplate that served sorta like an autograph book whereby all my OG mates wrote farewell notes to me shd we nv see each othe ragain. i don't know who wrote this because i can't decipher the signature but it went like this.."becareful..don't walk into handdryers and break any more things in the toilet" .God..did i break a handdryer or dislodge it fromt he wall by just WALKING into it?i don't know.the gonggarsion must have been severe its completely erased from my memory.
so now that i have found a museum documenting those lost seasons of my life, i really cant wait to go thru artefact by artefact. memories do die. we do forget pple.or rather...i do. sadly. i hope my friends, from the stone age, ice age ,crazy xiao char bor mgs days and semiconcious pjc days somewhere remember me...and drop an email and call. i really wanto find you guys back.even if you all are fat and ugly and saggy.just hope that i won't be too clueless when these pple reminisce and i go.."did that happen?"
oh well. as the evidence suggests, i really led a very exciting life. God is very good. quite worthy of making a ...comedy/soap opera/ch 8 drama. wish isaac could share this with me but for a history major, hez not too interested on this kinda history.
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