threshed mountains, hills like chaff.

"If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?" Luke 12.26

When He said these words, my heart ached. i can't answer that question. and i don't know why i'm still so nervous. i need a greater revelation of His person, His love, His finished work and His inheritance. its so sad when you love someone so much and can be completely trusted and yet...is denied of that trust.

ah..well.all is forgiven.

since church yesterday, i've been distracted bythe bible. i tried to study for a few minutes and i keep turning to His word. Its good but when i see how much is in store for me in the word..and how far i've been living below it..i just wanto bawl.i don't know when i'll learn.truly. i don't know how to even receive sometimes. i have to sit on my hands just to be still.

this year has truly been one dramafest. turmoil that i never thought i ever had to go through in my wildest imaginations. and i thought i was truly going the way of IMH...but now light is flooding in and darkness is fleeing. an di saw what phenomenal blessings i've also enjoyed. not as a result but they came separate as a package. but i was too caught up ..too focused on the weaknesses of my flesh to consider anything else. i don't even know how to begin to document the blessings that tangible and visible. but the true gifts are developed inside me. thats where its all eternal and no one...demon or man can rob from me.

my health is picking up.praise God. its high time. i am the healed of the Lord afterall. manifestation is long due. 2 mths of coughing and phlegm. enough of doctors. enough of insomia. everything is picking up. but deep down, i know theres much more. not in the outer realm but inside. therez 'unfinished business'. theres so much reparations to be made after all the mini battles i've waged against an enemy long defeated. but i've also mellowed and hopefully matured so much more, thanks to 2004. valley of Baca or mount zion, Hez been there, because i've been. enduring love at its best. even when its too dark to see His frame, therez still power every time i cry out His name.

i truly identify with those helpless lambs. i am one. i can do nothing to save myself for crying out loud. i can only bleet. i fall into the ravine and His staff hooks me up. that is comfort u noe. true comfort. not the thousand and one niceties people can tell you but practical help and then balm to truly soothe your rampaging soul. Comfort on every side..thats what david calls it in psalms 71. theres nothing i can do to summon help but call. and there it is...

the blood has been shed. i call it a bloody perfect sacrifice. i never really understood why that word is such an expletive. but its ok. i know what it means to me-salvation. in every true sense of the word. saved to the uttermost-from hell, from distress, from poverty, sickness, depression, oppression. everything.

if flesh cannot help me, it sure can't hurt me. its powerless. the fig tree is cursed. hallehlujah.

"blessed be the Lord,
because He has heard the voice of my supplications!
the Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and i am helped
therefore my heart greatly rejoices
and with my song i will praise Him"

ps 28:6-9