The present trial

At least trying times drives me to God for all that it's worth, I know it's worth it.

Job hunt is still inconclusive with negotiations attaining no progress. Am not extremely optimistic either way either way: with both current company and the search for new ones. Everything seems to sum up to communicate what a failure I am. I seem to be paper underqualified for just about every job I've applied even though I've been doing it for..5 years.

It's a superficial world that constantly instils nothing but self-doubt and discouragement. I would probably be able to muster more tenacity in me to perservere if not for the severe lack of sleep. The sleep deficit is costing me too much and I see no way out of this hell hole as yet.

The wonderous miracle of it all is that somehow, inspite of the frustrations, I have an abiding peace in me. It might sound absolutely preposterous but somehow I know I just have to wait it out the best way I can and continue to sit at his feet and wait. That's the privilege and trial of every child of God because waiting was designed to do something to the spirit. It's like a refiner's fire to purge out impurities and draw out the very best that will otherwise lay dormant.

I can't quite snuff out the cries of despair and other thoughts that try to weigh down my soul just like how I can't quite stop my nose from being runny now.

Jesus, give me strength to cling on harder to you and all your truth.