until we meet again.

o death..where is your sting?
o hades where is your victory?

it is so ironic. a few years ago when we bid your youngest daughter farewell at the airport, you put your arm around me and said 'aiyo, xinying...its ok.she'll be back' as i sobbed.

a few days ago at your wake, the same daughter put her arms around me and exhorted me to be strong as i sobbed away. today, the last day of your wake, your eldest daughter asked me if i was ok as i sobbed away again. i told her i should be asking her that instead. i wish i could tell your husband, daughters and mother that '' its ok. she'll be back''.

you raised two very strong daughters like yourself.

your final breath was dedicated to a shout of praise for the one who have since received you into His everlasting arms. i am so proud of you. so inspired. because that dealt the enemy with a mighty big defeat. its a slap to his face knowing that inspite of the afflictions you carry in your own body, he could not crush your spirit. because it belonged to Jesus alone.

at praise and worship, when the congregation sang 'blessed be the lord', i thought of your faith and your dedication in believing that God is good inspite of the circumstances and i sang even louder and heartier. i wanted God's name to be lifted up so high, yes even in your passing. we were there to mourn your passing and share the grief of those you left behind but more imptantly so, the world must know the testimony you left behind that points straight to the cross. i believe thats exactly what you wanted too.

i wish i had said more to you earlier. when you were lucid in the hospital that day. but i was shy. i wish i visited you more in the last days. i wish i'd gotten pastoral aid to come down. even if it was just to hold your hand. i'm sorry. i know you are well and happy now in the presence of the one who loves you the most but...i'm still sorry. to you and to your family.

when i see your mum and husband cry over you, my heart breaks into smitherines and i cannot contain my own grief, which is incomparable to theirs. i wish i could hook up a telephone line just to keep you guys connected. i know we will meet again because of what Jesus did but that separation is just too painful.when i look at your family, i see them all as testaments to all your self sacrifice-the fruits of your labour and love. they are living testaments that you've been a selfless wonderful wife, mother and daughter.

Jesus must be really proud of you. for such a young believer, you exhibited a faith that i never had despite being a christian for more than 10 years. you never allowed the circumstances and your sufferings hold hostage God's love for you. i have. you've shown me first hand what is a undefeatable spirit. that that is a true mark of victory. make your enemy go crazy because the intended effect never materialized even though he has exhausted all his ammunition.

i type here as though you can read this. maybe i really believe you can.but its cathartic. for me. i'll keep praying for your family. because its the least i can do. please ask Jesus to use me to bless them, comfort them and encourage them. i can do nothing on my own and i feel so helpless.

no one will ever take your place in their hearts. let all remember you and smile. miss you but thank God that this separation is not eternal..live on well because you've set the example of strength. glorify God just as you did.

once again, a song for you. for the precious ones you've left behind.
"we're pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road
and those who've gone before us line the way
cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace
surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
let us run the race not only for the prize
but as those who've gone before us
let us leave to those behind us
the heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

o may all who come behind us find us faithful
may the fire of our devotion light their way
may the footprints that we leave
lead them to believe
and the words we say
inspire them to obey

o may all who come behind us find us faithful

after all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
and our children sift through all we've left behind
may the clues that they discover
and the memories they uncover
become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

o may all who come behind us find us faithful"

-steve green