directions in life would be very much appreciated.

i really don't know how to live the life that God wants me to live. I have no clue at all what He wants me to be and what Hez doing at this particular stage of my life. I need to go somewhere and attempt to find out by praying but I'm not sure if He'll divulge His plans.

and that frustrates me a lot.

I honestly feel like i'm treading on a tight rope with uncertainty looming below me. my only safety catch is that..if i die, i go to heaven. (haha). no, i really do mean that if i fall, He'll pick me up. but i don't fancy falling at all. and i hate repetition. so no falling again and again even if it means being picked up over and over again...if possible pls.

i'm very frustrated at this juncture in life and i don't know what He wants me to do. so because of that i'm trying very hard to resist not acting impulsively especially when it comes to my career. or the lack of it.

some forces are against me and i'm very very angry. its moments like these that push me to changi airport. i'm an escapist and i'm really trying very hard not to toy with that idea. to be fair, God has given me good int he workplace to balance out the evil (somewhat) in the form of colleagues who actually do work and who also feel the same angst towards a certain someone(s). misery needs company but when we bond and work together, inspite of the great injustice we feel...i actually feel strengthened and happy that our work reaping results (more soon i pray).

i yearn to be recognized for at least the effort i'm putting in. to learn because i'm as green as a broccoli (and as lame as..aye whatever), to practise, to give my 200% into everything. but i'm not getting it. HOWEVER, bosses only seem to pay attention to your mistakes. as disgruntled as i am, i still wanto put in my 200% only because i represent Jesus. they can fault me all they want for the human being that i am but i want to exemplify Jesus well in the few ways i know i can. by sheer grace ..

in the meantime, i'm really praying for a change. that only He can bring about.

**
and recently i don't know why but it seems like i've been made to speak to non english speaking people alot lately.

just for your entertainment, here are some excerpts:

me: can i speak to your boss pls?
silence
me: are you the boss?
her: you wanto take a message?
me: your boss not in?is there any other way i can reach him/her?
her: yesyes.you wanto take a message?
me: can you please tell me i can reach your boss?
her: boss?
me: the one who owns the business...the one who pays you money.
her: yesyes!!money!
me: can i have the number of your boss please?
her: yesyes!!message?money?boss?
me (on the verge of tears) : WHAT IS THE NAME of the person who gives you money for working?
her: yesyes!message!
me: .....

was pretty sure despite her vehement insistence of 'yesyes!message!' that her boss is not called yesyes or message.