Daddy
For years and years I've sought your understanding and your love but it was almost always met with indifference and a harsh word, if not a violent smack.
Now you say you'll love me, always. I hate to inform you that I've grown accustomed without your love. I've learnt to live without your love like one would live without water to survive. I'm not doing well but I made it thus far. It's been a long treacherous journey and suddenly, now that your love is suddenly available, I don't know what to do with it. I am thankful but there's no hole left to fill. To put it crudely, maybe I don't need what you can give anymore. You missed the boat. I'm no longer that little girl pining and yearning. I'm almost a 30 year old. Broken and amassed a heap of broken and unfulfilled dreams and aspirations.
No one has taught me how to be me in a big scary world. To be true to myself. To endure, to fight. No one will teach me how to parent my child the best way possible when my turn comes. I have no predecessors to emulate after.
I appreciate that your love came. Better late than never I say but now, I don't know where to shelve it or what to do with it.
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