Epiphany.

I don't understand why I have an insatiable appetite for money and why it made me feel..safe.

I asked myself what I'd do if I had loads of money and there isn't a single thing I really want to buy or anywhere in the world i really wanted to go.

Then I realized that money, was equated to power in my mind. I loved the independence I got from drawing a strong salary. It gave me choices so I need to depend on no one and thus, owed no one anything. I. The moments when I felt estranged from God, I felt like I was I could still go about living life in relative ease without waiting and depending on H. Worse, without making right with Him.

I was free to come and go as I please and unlike women from ages before, I didn't have to fight for my marriage with all I got because my survival didn't hinge on a man.

Money, was my means to protect my own selfish interests and it dissolved all my liabilities before God. In providing protecting and being all that I poured effort and time into, at the expense of prayer, fellowship and time with my family, it eventually was elevated to God in my life, demoting the God who loved me to second place.