So this is Christmas

God truly does put the solitary in  families.

Just returned from Christmas dinner with my cousins, (favorite) aunty and uncle. Words fail to express now how I feel. Am overwhelmed by the love and the whole experience of just being there. We didn't do anything spectacular. We ate, played monopoly deal and unwrapped our presents. We just got together as family.

Somewhere during the evening, I felt myself so overwhelmed by the goodness that I had to excuse myself to go to the toilet to shed some tears.

Thanks to my uncle and aunty, I have presents to unwrap, I see a model of Christian marriage and most importantly, I feel like I belong and I feel there's hope.

My childhood memories has been peppered with angst and hostility. When I got older, my relationship with my parents only deteriorated. While things are much better now, I felt like no one in my family ever caught the spirit of Christmas. They barely understood what being a family was about. Christmas often became something I dreaded because it was a sum of the year's disappointments. The disappointments oveshadowed the joy of God sending His son to earth for us, sinners. For many years, I was the only one getting and wrapping presents for every single member hoping, albeit in vain to infuse some Christmas cheer. Somewhere along that string of futile attempts, I gave up. No more cards and carefully selected presents, wrapped up the best I can. These gestures were often unappreciated and taken for granted. As their child, I was done trying to be the pillar of the family and glue. I was also done with disappointments.

Even though my brother and I had breathing living parents, my uncle and aunty were the ones who made us felt like we weren't orphans. They really cared and it really mattered to them that we showed up. Despite not feeling well and Isaac suggested I forego the christmas gathering, I insisted on showing up because I knew my attendance at that table is significant enough. My absence would disappoint and I was determined not to disappoint the people who were so instrumental in filling voids in my heart that my parents had left throughout the last 28 years.