MPC camp

above all, it hit me real hard that it was MARRIAGE preparation and not WEDDING prep.

i kept thinking "aiyar, simple wedding can already". i wazznt expecting a huge fanfare so i was actually quite resentful of spending 3 days in pasir ris just to find out about the 'how to's.

but the camp was really so insightful and good and at the end of it all, despite having just come out of a very bad week only to transit into a very busy week ahead, i am actually very thankful and wish i had known all that earlier. I wish i'd learnt the things taught earlier and my eyes are just so opened now. to hidden issues, relationship dynamics and the place God takes etc.

i thought i knew it all. what else could be new? buti was planning for a lifetime and a covenant ahead. so there's never too little to learn. since i've yet to put much learnt into practice.

its really so major. a covenant that cannot be broken lest we crucify Christ all over again. most of all, even as it tests my commitment to him, i find myself questioning my commitment to Him since i find myself nearly copping out on so many times when i find my circumstances reigning over the truth of His love in my life.

if i don't have the full confidence in me to say i'll never deny Him,(ie say if you put me in a room full of cockroaches and persecute me for my faith) , what's to say i won't deny us when the going gets really tough?

it's a lot of hard work. no, there's an understatement. it's a lot of grit, hardwork, determination and all the love that Jesus is.

i have no confidence in me or in him. but at the end of the day, it's Jesus that makes us so that'll be where i'm fixing my eyes.

off to NZ in a day. will try to write.