Jesus lived in mary for 9 mths.
He's been living in me for close to 10 years.
the only good in me is truly You
Sunday, May 28, 2006
the question that cuts deep
"Do you love Me?"
it just occurred to me that the hard part of loving is more in the daily dying than dying. and in that daily dying, is when there is true living.
living means the concious choice to face the daily grind, to be an active part in the battle with the unseen. and it takes living for loving to be active.
i wanto shout 'i love you' from the mountain top to you but i realised that's not quite enough. my heart will always tell me that it's not enough.
**
"Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?"
He said to Him, "Yes Lord: You know that i love You." He said to him, "tend My sheep."
He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the tird time, " Do you love Me?"
and he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that i love You."
Jesus said to him," Feed my sheep"
-The Gospel of John 21:15-17-
**
it just occurred to me that the hard part of loving is more in the daily dying than dying. and in that daily dying, is when there is true living.
living means the concious choice to face the daily grind, to be an active part in the battle with the unseen. and it takes living for loving to be active.
i wanto shout 'i love you' from the mountain top to you but i realised that's not quite enough. my heart will always tell me that it's not enough.
**
"Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?"
He said to Him, "Yes Lord: You know that i love You." He said to him, "tend My sheep."
He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the tird time, " Do you love Me?"
and he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that i love You."
Jesus said to him," Feed my sheep"
-The Gospel of John 21:15-17-
**
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
His love is not a lie
I can only repeat this endlessly and i pray that someone will repeat it to me if i've been deceived to believe otherwise.
there is a verse in romans which im too lazy to dig up and quote on how nothing shall separate us from His love..not tribulations, distress ...etc.
and it just hit me that no matter what form the onslaught of the enemy takes, no matter what fiery trial or suffering is granted, no matter what in short, the purpose of it is to make us doubt the loveo f God. similarly, in the first temptation that was ever recorded, the serpent tried to make eve doubt the goodness and love of God...by insinuating that if He was so good and loving, why was that one tree deprived of them?
i'm so relieved that the onus is on Him and not me to keep me in His love. that nothing i do can make His love depart from me for it was His love that initiated the entire grand plan of redemption. that i haven't been separated from His love.
i regretfully admit that i've responded in anger and doubt instead of clinging to the unchanging truth of this verse when the storms of life brewed. its really one thing to say it THEN and another to say it NOW when things are good. now i've learnt (i hope) that my circumstances, just as my shortfalls should never be a measure of His love for me. infact, nothing should. it is afterall beyond measure. infact, i dare take the liberty to say that the cross is a mere expression of His vast love fo rme and nothing at all can truly truly illustrate the immense magnitude of it.
there is a verse in romans which im too lazy to dig up and quote on how nothing shall separate us from His love..not tribulations, distress ...etc.
and it just hit me that no matter what form the onslaught of the enemy takes, no matter what fiery trial or suffering is granted, no matter what in short, the purpose of it is to make us doubt the loveo f God. similarly, in the first temptation that was ever recorded, the serpent tried to make eve doubt the goodness and love of God...by insinuating that if He was so good and loving, why was that one tree deprived of them?
i'm so relieved that the onus is on Him and not me to keep me in His love. that nothing i do can make His love depart from me for it was His love that initiated the entire grand plan of redemption. that i haven't been separated from His love.
i regretfully admit that i've responded in anger and doubt instead of clinging to the unchanging truth of this verse when the storms of life brewed. its really one thing to say it THEN and another to say it NOW when things are good. now i've learnt (i hope) that my circumstances, just as my shortfalls should never be a measure of His love for me. infact, nothing should. it is afterall beyond measure. infact, i dare take the liberty to say that the cross is a mere expression of His vast love fo rme and nothing at all can truly truly illustrate the immense magnitude of it.
struck a chord in me
so well written. so true. so simple.
the following by Oswald Chambers..
" If Jesus had gone to heaven directly from the Mount of transfiguration, he would have gone alone. ...But he turned His back on the glory, and came down from the mountain to identifyHimself with fallen humanity"
i think we don't seem to pay enough attention to the distinction between Son of God and Son of Man. afterall, its the same person. its two entirely different titles but we don't see the significance. and too little emphasis has been placed on that. at least that's how i feel.
as Son of Man, He limited His power to that of a mere human and came to relate to all our weaknesses and frustrations of living in this fallen and wretched world as a result of an estrangement from our maker because of sin. there was true identification and as He rose from the cross as Son of Man to Son of God...He arose in full power and yet having been fully human allowed us to rise with Him in this power and be joint heirs in Christ with Him. If He'd just remained Son of God, i can't help but think that the intimacy we enjoy now with the essence of heaven would still be absent.
thanks for not going up alone at the Mount of Transfiguration. Thanks for choosing the open door of the cross instead and keeping it open even till today so that all of mankind can join You, not just in heavenly citizenship but as sons and daughters and partakers of Your divine nature.
the following by Oswald Chambers..
" If Jesus had gone to heaven directly from the Mount of transfiguration, he would have gone alone. ...But he turned His back on the glory, and came down from the mountain to identifyHimself with fallen humanity"
i think we don't seem to pay enough attention to the distinction between Son of God and Son of Man. afterall, its the same person. its two entirely different titles but we don't see the significance. and too little emphasis has been placed on that. at least that's how i feel.
as Son of Man, He limited His power to that of a mere human and came to relate to all our weaknesses and frustrations of living in this fallen and wretched world as a result of an estrangement from our maker because of sin. there was true identification and as He rose from the cross as Son of Man to Son of God...He arose in full power and yet having been fully human allowed us to rise with Him in this power and be joint heirs in Christ with Him. If He'd just remained Son of God, i can't help but think that the intimacy we enjoy now with the essence of heaven would still be absent.
thanks for not going up alone at the Mount of Transfiguration. Thanks for choosing the open door of the cross instead and keeping it open even till today so that all of mankind can join You, not just in heavenly citizenship but as sons and daughters and partakers of Your divine nature.
Monday, May 22, 2006
bye elliot, hello amy week.
finally the long wait paid off.
thought i'd be over the moon but thank God that nearer the later stage of the wait, i learnt how to enjoy without the things i never thought i could do without. learning the art of rejoicing in those circumstances was no easy feat. i'm just praying for a smooth transition now.
and i celebrated daily (well, almost) just counting the true blessings and being out of the previous difficult season. with the help of many many lovely souls that God has so graciously blessed me with.
thought i'd be over the moon but thank God that nearer the later stage of the wait, i learnt how to enjoy without the things i never thought i could do without. learning the art of rejoicing in those circumstances was no easy feat. i'm just praying for a smooth transition now.
and i celebrated daily (well, almost) just counting the true blessings and being out of the previous difficult season. with the help of many many lovely souls that God has so graciously blessed me with.
"in Your hands, for every storm there's a reason,
in Your hands, there's a time for every season
though tears may fall,
You'll hold me close,
love me through it all
in Your hands"
**
really missing a few friends whom i don't get to see thanks to busy schedules, distance and reasons.
i miss just hanging out, long conversations etc because i don't think i can find anyone else in the world who bothers to be my friend even when you guys understand me the way you do.
i think nothing in this world beats fellowship. not just companionship and thats what i've been craving. i'd gladly trade my favorite tv programmes for a phonecall from a friend. (ok, tv is a big sacrifice to MEE) i've always maintained that if i ever wanted just empty companionship without a deep connection, i'd get it in a crowded peak hour train.
and i've been there whereby i really lost a friend for good. and i know how the ache in your heart never really goes away every time the memory surfaces.
i've learnt how to smile at the memories and not cry over spilt milk.
my friends are few but very precious. Jesus, being the most precious.
in Your hands, there's a time for every season
though tears may fall,
You'll hold me close,
love me through it all
in Your hands"
**
really missing a few friends whom i don't get to see thanks to busy schedules, distance and reasons.
i miss just hanging out, long conversations etc because i don't think i can find anyone else in the world who bothers to be my friend even when you guys understand me the way you do.
i think nothing in this world beats fellowship. not just companionship and thats what i've been craving. i'd gladly trade my favorite tv programmes for a phonecall from a friend. (ok, tv is a big sacrifice to MEE) i've always maintained that if i ever wanted just empty companionship without a deep connection, i'd get it in a crowded peak hour train.
and i've been there whereby i really lost a friend for good. and i know how the ache in your heart never really goes away every time the memory surfaces.
i've learnt how to smile at the memories and not cry over spilt milk.
my friends are few but very precious. Jesus, being the most precious.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Scars
scars are a reminder that something has taken place. and completed.
for example, the chicken pox scar on my nose is a reminder that i'll never have chicken pox again. the scar above my eyebrow is a reminder that i was born with a cyst and lived with it for 18 years before realizing that it was behaving like a pimple and had to have it removed. either way, it is not coming back. the operation concluded its tenure in the temple of the Holy Ghost.
the scars on my heart testify of many emotional battles, hurts, pains and rejections that are nonetheless, healed.
scars are unsightly and they ruin a pretty picture but they speak volumes. they testify of a journey, an experience and a process of pain AND healing that has concluded.
if you've never had a scar, whether seen or unseen, you've never been anywhere. you've never lived. and a life that has been lived fully, with twists, bumps, road humps and all is more beautiful than one that has been unscathed because its been so perfectly hidden the only thing that grows is mould.
which is why i like to look at those scars on Your wrists. because they remind me that i am Yours and the battle you fought for my soul. the battle You won. wear Your scar proudly as a medal. put them before my eyes daily. they remind me of a world of light that lives in my heart when darkness shrouds and my senses are numbed. they evoke hope, love and life.
today, in the ongoing battle in the realm of the unseen, let me see Your scars. so that i'll march forward valiantly knowing that's exactly what You did. and you had the greatest victory that history ever knew. that it was for me that the war was waged.
You've fought long and hard for me. now that i'm Yours, let me enforce that victory for the others.
for example, the chicken pox scar on my nose is a reminder that i'll never have chicken pox again. the scar above my eyebrow is a reminder that i was born with a cyst and lived with it for 18 years before realizing that it was behaving like a pimple and had to have it removed. either way, it is not coming back. the operation concluded its tenure in the temple of the Holy Ghost.
the scars on my heart testify of many emotional battles, hurts, pains and rejections that are nonetheless, healed.
scars are unsightly and they ruin a pretty picture but they speak volumes. they testify of a journey, an experience and a process of pain AND healing that has concluded.
if you've never had a scar, whether seen or unseen, you've never been anywhere. you've never lived. and a life that has been lived fully, with twists, bumps, road humps and all is more beautiful than one that has been unscathed because its been so perfectly hidden the only thing that grows is mould.
which is why i like to look at those scars on Your wrists. because they remind me that i am Yours and the battle you fought for my soul. the battle You won. wear Your scar proudly as a medal. put them before my eyes daily. they remind me of a world of light that lives in my heart when darkness shrouds and my senses are numbed. they evoke hope, love and life.
today, in the ongoing battle in the realm of the unseen, let me see Your scars. so that i'll march forward valiantly knowing that's exactly what You did. and you had the greatest victory that history ever knew. that it was for me that the war was waged.
You've fought long and hard for me. now that i'm Yours, let me enforce that victory for the others.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
rojak cocktail
me: am i the only only girl in your heart?
him: yah..just you and mother teresa.
ok.now i feel very secure.
**
its not easy to be me.
let me tell you why.
first because of high metabolism, i perspire very easily. but because of high metabolism, i am relatively skinny and have no insulation against the recent onslaught of harsh cold. which means i carry warm clothing everywhere i go ..in SINGAPORE. im thinking of investing in another parka.
but thank God that's just the easiest part of being a me.
**
i miss him. tmr is his dday. liberation from NUS. im so happy!
went to visit his ah kong's old house yesterday, where his spirit and soul inhabited for almost 90 years.
donald tay went home to Jesus. he is probably dancing and laughing now. heard that before he left this miserable earth, he shouted 'im going to see jesus!!im going to see jesus!" happily and then departed.
i guess he will be watching his grandson get married from heaven.
death has no sting. mosquitoes do.
**
as you all can probably tell, im incapable of writing coherently and in full sentences this season.
**
didn't realise i had company
yesterday, today and tomorrow
didn't realise i had company
when i was deep in my sorrows
couldn't imagine i had company
in that icy cold cell
couldn't imagine why you'd stay with me
when from that height i fell
why did you stay with me?
when i was alone, bitter and angry
was it really because
you couldn't stop loving me?
now i realise you'll never leave
like you promiesd me that july 10.
now i realise you'll always stay
and be my forever friend.
him: yah..just you and mother teresa.
ok.now i feel very secure.
**
its not easy to be me.
let me tell you why.
first because of high metabolism, i perspire very easily. but because of high metabolism, i am relatively skinny and have no insulation against the recent onslaught of harsh cold. which means i carry warm clothing everywhere i go ..in SINGAPORE. im thinking of investing in another parka.
but thank God that's just the easiest part of being a me.
**
i miss him. tmr is his dday. liberation from NUS. im so happy!
went to visit his ah kong's old house yesterday, where his spirit and soul inhabited for almost 90 years.
donald tay went home to Jesus. he is probably dancing and laughing now. heard that before he left this miserable earth, he shouted 'im going to see jesus!!im going to see jesus!" happily and then departed.
i guess he will be watching his grandson get married from heaven.
death has no sting. mosquitoes do.
**
as you all can probably tell, im incapable of writing coherently and in full sentences this season.
**
didn't realise i had company
yesterday, today and tomorrow
didn't realise i had company
when i was deep in my sorrows
couldn't imagine i had company
in that icy cold cell
couldn't imagine why you'd stay with me
when from that height i fell
why did you stay with me?
when i was alone, bitter and angry
was it really because
you couldn't stop loving me?
now i realise you'll never leave
like you promiesd me that july 10.
now i realise you'll always stay
and be my forever friend.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
shine -clay
you can try to hide away
from every drop of rain
that's hanging over you
and you can say it's all a waste
lost your time in space
there's nothing left to lose
like a broken angel on the ground
like a symphony without a sound
turn around
everything you are
everywhere you've been
the sinner and the saint
that fight the battle within
every place you go
everybody knows
shadows fall across the sun sometimes
shine, you're gonna shine
in the mirror of your soul
i know that you know
that you are not forsaken
hey butterfly, open up your weary eyes
and realize
its a trip we are taking
and the world will turn around again
and your shattered heart is goin to mend
in the end
let's go riding on shooting stars
watch the crescent moon smile to your heart
shine you're gonna shine
shine you're gonna shine
from every drop of rain
that's hanging over you
and you can say it's all a waste
lost your time in space
there's nothing left to lose
like a broken angel on the ground
like a symphony without a sound
turn around
everything you are
everywhere you've been
the sinner and the saint
that fight the battle within
every place you go
everybody knows
shadows fall across the sun sometimes
shine, you're gonna shine
in the mirror of your soul
i know that you know
that you are not forsaken
hey butterfly, open up your weary eyes
and realize
its a trip we are taking
and the world will turn around again
and your shattered heart is goin to mend
in the end
let's go riding on shooting stars
watch the crescent moon smile to your heart
shine you're gonna shine
shine you're gonna shine
if not for the arrival of isaac quek, i'd have been mrs aiken!
shame
its such a shame
that these days they call love a game
some win, others lose
but who sets the rules?
that these days they call love a game
some win, others lose
but who sets the rules?
hidden
see me in the words i speak
hear me in the silence i keep
smell me in a bottle of Escada
taste me in honey, sashimi and chilli
touch me with a song
love me with your heart, not mind
hear me in the silence i keep
smell me in a bottle of Escada
taste me in honey, sashimi and chilli
touch me with a song
love me with your heart, not mind
Monday, May 01, 2006
incomplete sentences
would he walk on water?
would he run through fire?
would he stand before you?
when it's down to the wire
would he give his life up
to be all he can
is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?
-clay, measure of man
**
Scotfree
I stand defenceless, in the memory of the shame
weary once more, at this old load of blame
i thought, "those charges are true"
"surely justice must be due"
wait
i know i have rights
-to remain silent
let someone handle the fight
Engage an advocate
silence the guilt
and start a new slate.
**
D-day, debt free
i released an old debt today
the debt you din even try to pay
the interest snowballed
but the ice in my heart refuse to thaw
you knew you could never pay
so did i
but i kept tabs
you don't deserve to get away
these shackles and chains
guilt and remorse
i wanted them to remain
little did i realise
it was me i victimized
by holding the grudge
but it hurt my heart to budge
so much
His love poured
into the icy dungeons of my heart
painfully
i came apart
i kept us in the cage of time
when i held the keys
Jesus came to liberate
but i wassn't ready and told Him " wait".
no more waiting
the keys are surrendered
run, with the wind, in His love
dance, to the new song
you are free
so free from me
so free from the shackles, chains, remorse and guilt
i am free
i am free
i am free
sorry
would he run through fire?
would he stand before you?
when it's down to the wire
would he give his life up
to be all he can
is that, is that, is that how you measure a man?
-clay, measure of man
**
Scotfree
I stand defenceless, in the memory of the shame
weary once more, at this old load of blame
i thought, "those charges are true"
"surely justice must be due"
wait
i know i have rights
-to remain silent
let someone handle the fight
Engage an advocate
silence the guilt
and start a new slate.
**
D-day, debt free
i released an old debt today
the debt you din even try to pay
the interest snowballed
but the ice in my heart refuse to thaw
you knew you could never pay
so did i
but i kept tabs
you don't deserve to get away
these shackles and chains
guilt and remorse
i wanted them to remain
little did i realise
it was me i victimized
by holding the grudge
but it hurt my heart to budge
so much
His love poured
into the icy dungeons of my heart
painfully
i came apart
i kept us in the cage of time
when i held the keys
Jesus came to liberate
but i wassn't ready and told Him " wait".
no more waiting
the keys are surrendered
run, with the wind, in His love
dance, to the new song
you are free
so free from me
so free from the shackles, chains, remorse and guilt
i am free
i am free
i am free
sorry
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