Your sacrifice.. on calvary..has made the mighty cross, a tree of life to me.

this is strange but i know its Jesus for sure. no other reason. things are changing inside me.

i am strangely getting happier and happier. i dunno much abt wats happening around me but if i do keenly observe, there darzen seem to be much change since i last looked. things that were so upsetting might have gotten a little bit better here and there but nothing to shout for joy about. but who cares abt wats happening around which is so prone to change. my real concern and priority is my inner man which is renewing day by day. praise the Lord.

i think maybe i stopped looking to myself and to people for that matter. which is a great load i can so do without. its very tempting to look and sink further into the throes of despair but of late, Jesus' brilliance and love has been too distracting and shining so right the darkness around cannot come up to par at all. it never could actually but my back was turned on Him so i wazznt too sure.

now that light has hit me, i feel strangely light and free. which is a huge irony coz i gained weight. i have not gained weight for a long long time. infact for every ounce i gained, i lost two whenever a 'crisis' struck. stress can take so much out of u. for me...i compensated with ounces of flesh. the only thing i do feel funny about is that i feel pregnant and clumsy with the extra weight although it really is only 1.5 kg. hehe. it feels like i can actually take up alot more space with this weight. i dunno. i guess its just me.

rest is truly the key. coz thats the main clause of my inheritance at calvary. will not distress Him further by forsaking His rest in exchange for work that is futile, that insults His finished work. its a done deal and i'll leave it as that. the questions have stopped...i'll just go with the flow and sail with Him and bask in His love in the land of rest.


i did not realise
the finished work of His sacrifice

i did not realise
to just behold Him
is enough for my gloom to depart
to realise my every dream
that being still
allows His life in me to start.

i did not realise
that all my work is futile
that my life was not meant to be so dull
that my ship will reach the shore
because i am the reason He died for

i did not realise
that my impossibility translates to His possibility
that He is God, and not me