engulfed by Your love

i know i must put today down in words somehow although i can't seem to find the words to do God's grace for today justice.

the key highlight of the day was when some leaders from hokkien ministry came to my house. the worship was awesome and the anointing so saturated my tiny living room i was reduced to tears in a matter of seconds into worship. i understood so little..but His presence was just there. so thick and palpable. it was more than enough. my mind can rest for once. i comprehended nothing except his love there and then. huge volumes of love rushed in my my heart and for once....in a looong time...i felt like i had a heart.

throughout the years, i've had so many scarred and bitter memories. spent so much time trying to recover from anger and heal...and by the time it happens, sometimes before, another episode erupts. felt like i was cornered in every area and i honestly dun understand why. developed spiritual claustrophobia afterawhile and open spaces whereby i can breathe freely suited me best...i started distancing myself from the closest of friends...and i refused to be heavily involved in any place. the theory of not putting all ur eggs in one basket. because everything looked so terribly and precarious. i was standing on the rock all right but it felt like sinking sand.

den today, before they came..i told God that i'm not even going to care whos coming. as long as they're His representatives, i want Him to anoint them and give us a rhema, a personal touch...something that we need so badly. in this war-stricken household. and in the midst of worship, the leader stood up and walked towards my dad, rested His hands on my dad and pronouced blessings exhortations and so much..everythign that i've asked God for in my own prayer closet. God was moving fast and quick and confirming that He heard my prayer.

actually that was more than enough for me. but it was not enough for Him.

after worship, the female leader and i engaged in small talk. and out of the bloo, she just lurched towards me, gave me a hug and started praying and praying over me. and the anointing was so strong...there were other pple around including my mum..while the men were outside in the living room talking...and she prayed and blessed me so richly. nothing that i don't know because God has said themto me so many times i lost count...but lately, i've lost sight of everything He told me in the distant past...and now Hez reminding me. i know its no coincidence since the leaders who previously told me are in no way related to this leader. and it confirms with my spirit. no surprise actually, but its sweet.

den He moved on and spoke up for me. its so heartening...to just watch ur Hero save u.i can just fade into oblivion there an dthen because everyone's attention was so on Him...but He made me feel so special..i feel like cinderella..(perhaps way better ) when i saw Him move for me...spoke up for me for all the times i was slighted in man's sight...i felt so good..coz the leader turned to my mum and told her..not me..coz God knows that i know but not her...that He wants to use me..int he ways that He wants to. she needs to know..that i'm not her daughter alone.and i am in no position to convince her. well, He did the 'dirty' job for me. she can't go ballistic on Him.so phew..of coz all this happened in fluent english lah.otherwise...she might as well just let me interpret tongues.

praise the Lord.

at the end of the day, when i'm standing on the mountaintop, conquering all impossible odds by the sheer grace of God, riding on the waves of stormy seas, i can still boast only Christ.
i remember the pit He dug me out from.
and i remember how far He had to dig
and i remember that He din give up
and that He jumped into the pit
to CARRY me out.