silence is not always golden

i feel like such a speckled sheep in His flock. so odd. and my differences are so stark. i dun think i have it in me to relate to anyone anymore. and i've given up the hope that someone can relate to complicated me. my dreams and ambitions alone...already set me so far apart from the rest. no..they are not great and grandiose dreams..but infact..they're so...'achievable'..it barely qualifies as an ambition in today's world. the more i interact with people, the more i realise that i cannot stand any conversation beyond 15 mins. because i just feel so out of this world. maybe i am. but its ok...Jesus is out of this world too and we get along just fine.so i've got really good company. besides...Isaac quek is way out of this world too. and we have so much fun together..in the world we call our own..

i don't believe this is a quarterlife crisis. its not a fork stuck in the road and i'm wondering what to do nxt, not knowing...with all the insecurities creeping in. i think i have a rough gauge about whats in store for me. and i want it. but its nothing spectacular in anyone's terms because its just for me. and i am officially classified under 'boring' by some human doings who stretch the 24 hrs a day beyond two lifetimes.

its a quiet journey...but not a lonely one. thank God.the inner struggles, revelations, innermost thoughts and feelings are nv going to surface because there issnt the human audience that quite understands. and knowing so, i am all the more thankful and appreciative for the two wonderful men in my life. one a God/man of course. my precious Jesus. who is my creator and my redeemer. He knows the whole story better than i do..and is the only reason i am still alive. By the sheer grace of God alone, isaac darzen just understand, he accepts, sometimes relate...and still loves. i think its a difficult place to walk as a man..because i came to him with so many thorny issues. so much history..with almost nothing to give except the love that our savior deposited in my puny heart. Jesus made a wonderful choice in choosing this glorious vessel to carry His love for me.

and because Jesus made these possible for me, i know i truly am blessed. truly truly.

thank you Jesus.

i don't have many reasons to smile in the natural for now...but Hez still smiling, so there must be many pleasant surprises in store.=)Hez still in charge.