Green-eyed monster

This is a confession.

There's this girl. I almost want her life.

I admire/envy (it's a very  fine line) more than those born with a silver spoon entrenched in their throats. She scored jobs with fancy big-name companies, flitted and lived in many big cities spanning across the globe. She earned fancy money, dated the same guy for more than a decade, settled down and now have two beautiful kids. While I don't know the details on how she got so ridiculously far and fast in all aspects of her life, she just managed to make it look like an absolute breeze. Now, she's a SAHM and from the looks of it, she doesn't worry the least bit about money.

Now, I know her. Not very well at all but I know she doesn't qualify to be wicked or evil. She's not even that aesthetically pleasing. Nice is the word. Pleasant and fun-loving. Almost normal. Every once in awhile, someone like that has to appear in your life to remind you that it seems so achievable. Why is it so hard for me then? It could have been me.

I caught myself before I descended further down the spiral of envy and turned a luminous shade of green. Yes, people who have seemingly enviable lives does not need to always 1) have unimaginable hardship or 2)be absolutely wicked. Time and chance can happen to all,even the girl next door. I wanted these things (who am I kidding? I still do). I had a semblance of it but God chose a different path for me. The stars were not aligned as such and why should I yearn for pastures that are seemingly green (again!) that are not mine? Because it is so much easier to look away from your own life, from the good you have. What a lie.

What I want maybe somewhat dissimilar to what God wants because my fleshly desires still live but that's when I surrender and say, "Not my will but Yours be done" and be contented and thankful for what has been given to me. My health, my family and the money we do have. Oh, and the friends. I am quite sure her friends can't top mine :).

So I slay the recurrent green-eyed monster again, put it to death and turn away. "In my life Your will be done" instead. I submit my desires to You. Even though we disagree. Because You love me. Because You know best. Because I'm called to be different. Because life is too short to be looking at her life and miss living my life.