and woke up. thus explaining this 6.27 am post. i just couldn't get back to sleep.
i know the peranakan mania is over now that the little nonya has ended its run and it is for me too (even though i have tickets to the upcoming peranakan ball), so i really have no clue why i had this dream.
but it was so real (as with most other dreams) but it kept me awake long after its over. SIGH. i hope i don't fall asleep in church later.
i think what kept me awake was a mixture of pure relief and heartache.
for some reason, i was having a 'yueniang' moment and i had to watch my beloved chen xi fall in love with someone else and we can't be together because i said so and he moved on to marry someone else.
it was soooo painful and i cried and ached. the pain was so palpable it was like a shot of poison through my veins, rendering every nerve to violently convulse as it absorbs the pain of loss.
then i woke up to see my beloved lying still so sweetly beside me and i took a few moments just to watch him. hair all poofy and sleep digging his nose. i hope i can live to see this everyday. and i'll be really contented. i think the greatest pain is to lose the one you love the most.
and everytime i ponder about it, i cannot imagine how my Lord can ever recover from having to be eternally estranged and separated by the ones he loved so much he gave his life. and that makes me weep and endeavour to somewhat lessen that pain by praying/ushering my souls His way while I am on earth.
Joel 3.14
Multitudes, multitudes
in the valley of decision
for the day of the Lord is near
in the valley of decision.
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