miserable

am miserable. both physically and emotionally.

am down with a cold and the medicine i ingest seem to be pure poison making me woozy and barely providing enough relief for the persistent symptoms that compound my discomfort in my soul.

am miserable emotionally because i feel lost.

i just want to go so far away so i don't have to think about the 'to do ' list that i've penned out. i just want my mind to come to a complete stand still for a good hour. and my heart to stop its ridiculous palpitations, like an alarm ready to go off.

it's not excitement but dread. and i don't know how to step out of this rut.i need a fresh breath and somethingnew to smile about. i don't like what it has become.

a mid level leap into the air
left me on my bum in the valley of where
my bearings are incomposite
this doesn't look like my destination
what happened

i looked around the bare
and i saw you in the darkness
the light beckoning me
i stepped into the elevator called 'waiting'
and pushed the button called 'patience'
this must be it!
i beamed excitedly waiting
for the doors to open
to a brand new beginning

minutes passed, and then hours
the door did not open
i stomped about the 1 metre square
i felt abandoned,
''you didn't care''

the minutes ticked by
the pressure made me sick
i had to swallow for my ears to pop
but still all was silent

and then suddenly the doors flew open
like the gates of heaven
my eyes blinked at the light
piercing my vision and illuminating my darkness
and there you were
with a table and spread
saying, the wait is over.

i wish i didn't sit by grumbling
i wish i didn't stomp around the 1 metre square
i wish i made it my prayer closet
patiently abiding
trusting

but the moment would not return
the elevator defies gravity
and wouldn't head down to where
now that i'm there