a hesitatant prize fighter, still trapped within my youth

having trouble switching off my mind regarding work and it's making me admitting that i'm not as dynamic as i'd like to think i am.

my personal life and various other matters require a lot more attention and spring cleaning. including my walk with God which seems to be the richest in lonesome hotel rooms/planes. that should not be the case.

i've been feeling quite PIT i ful lately. like im somewhere in the doldrums of life because so much just keeps happening at a pace that i can't keep up. i want to crawl to his lap and seek refuge but even that is like an ascent up mount everest.

where i am now is very lonesome and no one seems to understand or even be available to. i don't know why its so hard for me to communicate or why i'm so hard to fathom. i would like to think i'm as transparent as can be and yet, empathy or a soul-knit is so hard to find.

the desires of my heart have also taken a backseat. they occupy my conciousness and haunt me down but yet , the high obstacles entrenched in the journey of their fruition is wearing me down. i feel like my soul is sandpapered at every turn and i'm emotionally and physically drained.

these days, my idea of a holiday is to hole up somewhere in absolute solitude to catch up on sleep and shut the world out. and when i wake up, i'd order room service and dine with my beloved King. before going back to sleep.

**
As I travel and see the weariness and dead stares that seem to be perpetuated everywhere in every corner and street, it speaks of the silent cry for a deliverance that can only come with Jesus.

there is so much need that CAN be met because provision has been made. there's so much more to this life. there's so much in store. but what are we chasing down and selling our souls to? i used to relate with much animousity regarding certain cities i visit. i detest everything from the bad traffic, the rude people and the high crime rate. but somehow, now, i see a city lost and its weighing so heavy on my soul.

isaac has commented that i have the something that makes people pour our their life stories to me within like a few hours of knowing me. or even less. and i don't know why coz sometimes it makes me uncomfortable and i'veknown you for an hour and you start bawling and crying and i start praying and etc etc.

i remember the colleague who poured out her problems on my first day of work in a previous job. a stranger about her personal difficulties on the train. etc. now they're all friends. instantly.

i used to lament about it and wonder why but i guess now its a privileged position. people are starving for a listening ear. a friend. some attention. and i know what its like to live without. so to be able relieve that in bustling city of activity that only encourages loneliness is a privilege. however, ironically, i've never been able to do that. to just release except to a selected few. and even then, i scream inside but can't be heard.