plans changing in a split second. moods changing just as fast. confusion. fog. fatigue. joy. satisfaction. fulfilment. frustration. helplessness. hope. gratitude. dread.
that pretty much sums up my week.
in desperate need for a miracle. empathy. understanding and love. most of all, i need to know what He is thinking about all this so that I can act accordingly.
this week i've had three full days of rich delicious food- a result of entertaining guests from sweden. however, i'm feeling spiritually bankrupt because of the schedule and mounting frustration from various other sources,i haven't had time to get to Him or even let Him steal a moment with me. He shdn't be stealing any moments. He shd be given all attention. but i haven't allowed that at all and hence today i really broke.
i called two friends and isaac and poured it all out. it was a vomitting purging session.I really felt like it was the straw that broke the camel's back. i am upset because i love it all so much but just because of that ONE factor, i can't fully enjoy my work and maximise effectiveness because i feel simply harassed. it's like a thorn in the flesh. all else is fine and i'm contented, even working through the hiccups but everytime i think i muster up enough grace to face the situation, it's like being thrown dung in the face and i lose it. all over again.
call me oversensitive but this is my threshold and i can't change it. i really detest and abhor the lack of respect i'm given as a female counterpart. i am thoroughly incensed by the fact that it is assumed that i'm an exception to respect. i want to put my foot down and say i am not. infact, i thought i did but apparently my message clearly flew over the hayfilled skull.
i don't know how else and i'm at my wits end. i don't want to let one person rob my joy and peace but i really have nothing left in me to even just 'ignore' or 'forget it'. i dread the reactions when i voice out my dissent.
tell me how?
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