back. and so changed. this time, it's different. its no longer just an experience, a spectacular demonstration of power and majesty. this time, i'm convicted
i'm almost speechless so be patient while i struggle to string my thoughts. i repent of every disdainful thought i had towards this trip. God blew my mind, wrestled for my mind and won my mind (and heart). its not just everything made right. i dont wanto boast abt anything and make myself sound like the greater saint but somehow this time round, i felt almost sold out.for Him.that nothing else matters.
my own agendas appeared to have laid to rest. i don't know but i don't think i have the strength to resurrect them again. i used to be afraid, that He'll give me an assignment i don't like but now, i'm seeing the fruits of obedience and the grace that comes to equip me when i deny my mind and say '' yes''.
the deep desire of my heart is nothing more than His pleasure and making Him happy. i feel like i can't live at all if its not the best He wants. i'm a love sick bride of Christ. just excuse me.
prophecies galore but that's not even the highlight. so many confimations. they just serve as accessories to the main thing. was so engulfed with molten love i was incapacitated and speechless. tears flowed freely but the joy deep within was incomprehensible. i was not satisfied...i thought i'd be but i found myself wanting more.
all the struggles have ceased by now as i die. as the waters went into the dead sea and emerged from the other side as fresh living waters, watch while i die. don't hold on. i've been crucified with my Lord and i want so badly to live as He'd want me to . i almost think some of you will think like you lost a friend. because i'll be unfamiliar..but i take heart that some of you will gain a better friend. dying to myself so that Christ can come alive in me. to take territories for God, i must first surrender my own.
it's all so precious to me i'm afraid that if i share with the spirit of unbelief, the value of it all will be diminished. so pardon me if i don't put it here.
still discovering more as i incline myself to His voice. i saw the mantle. i wanto finish the race well.
now i feel truly victorious. its the marrying of the shulamite and the nazarite in me. no longer just lovesick in worship but i love enough to fight back and take back, for His cause. the nazarites fight..hard.love hard.
suddenly i'm not aware of my limitations and inadequacies that scream '' im just me, what can i do?" but i just wanto do it because i hate the things he hate and love the things he love.
strange ..if you knew me.
"just give me 12 men who fear nothing but God and hate nothing but sin".
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