There's a huge dark cloud shrouding my mind and all I know is that I'm trapped and I'm alone.
My family has made themselves deaf to my pleas and cries for help because it goes against the anything-bad-can-happen-to-a-christian belief. Therefore, I must be really lacking in faith and am feeling like a complete outcast.
When my mum was down, I took her in no questions asked. I cared for her even though she was largely absent in my childhood and was the least favoured kid. This is how she repays me. That's why God already made the provision such that "when your father or mother forsakes you", He promises to take you in..
Yet, I don't feel very taken in. My husband has rendered zero emotional support and kept asking me techinical questions like why , what's the trigger etc?
I don't know these answers except that I seem to be the trigger. And I'm pulling the trigger soon if respite doesn't come.
I want to run away with baby until none of them finds me. Because while I was here calling in my loudest voice through every possible medium for help, I was cruelly ignored.
My heart was breaking with every cold shoulder I get but it persisted. Now, for the sake of the baby, I have realised I cannot give it grandparents who never learnt to be parents in the first place. I have to start afresh, with the little I've got and move on.
Now, I'm just trying to gather strength like dust from the floor so that I can stand up again and face the odds stacked against me. So that I don't get so confused I think dying is the better solution.
No comments:
Post a Comment